Marriage In Trouble?

[canpakes]

I have a cousin who is married with two young kids. She has not spoken to her parents for years. Thus. her young children have not spoken to their grandparents - Nor has her husband.

The reason for this could span from the trivial, to the traumatic. It’s tough to diagnose what’s happening there if you’re not in the know.

I had an aunt who didn’t speak to her sister for decades. When I asked some family members what the reason may have been for this, no one could quite remember. After a bit of digging, it turns out that it was related to some sort of misunderstanding over wedding invitations for a mutual friend, or somesuch. It seemed like such a senseless loss to throw away so many years of potential family relations, as she recently passed while remaining separated.

And then there are children who’ve suffered grave abuse at the hands of a parent, and want nothing more to do with them once out on their own, for good reason.

Can you share some details on how this situation with your cousin came about?

[High Spy]

Not following Ceeboo on this:

I have seen countless examples of people that have simply stopped talking to other people (in real life, family, friends, social media, etc)

Can you give an example? I'm reading this as stop talking to people altogether. I can't say I've seen this at all.

The news on left and right reports people not talking about politics, families splitting up over politics, or the decline of friendships in men; and I've seen people check out of real life and spend all their time in cyberspace. That's the main thing I've seen is the substitution of online for real life. But seems like you're saying you've got homies who are cutting ties with everyone.

I can think of a couple guys at the top of the ladder in high tech whose lives are their jobs. And then in general, I think people are working longer hours, and with the rise of remote work apps like Slack and Teams, you're interacting with work people constantly at times and done with everyone by the end of the day.

But yeah, sounds like you're talking about something more extreme that I'm not picking up on.

David Byrne and you think much alike.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=wA15oCKCYHM

A Help Wanted ad for Varian Associates appeared, shortly after my friend and I watched True Stories, and that movie has proven very applicable to developing a complete understanding of what is often termed a Tender Mercy of the Lord.

[ceeboo]

Hey again, Gad,

I have a cousin who is married with two young kids. She has not spoken to her parents for years. Thus. her young children have not spoken to their grandparents - Nor has her husband.

Maybe you meant that she has ceased social media with her parents, not with everyone?

No, I meant what I said. She has cut off all contact with her parents (like a religious shunning).

I took your OP to mean people completely isolating themselves.

No. In the one example I used, I tried to express that she has not spoken a single word to her parents in years. Isolating herself is not in play here.

I assume she still talks to her husband and kids.

Yes, but that seems to miss the elephant in the room completely - She doesn't speak to her parents - so her kids and husband don't either.

The result: When you stop speaking to each other, your relationship is damaged (at best) and at worst, it is terminated. She has lost her relationship with her parents - Her parents have lost their relationship with their daughter, and their grandkids, and their SIL - the grandkids have lost their relationship with their grandparents, and the SIL has lost his relationship with his MIL and FIL.

Is she a gamer or big into some other Internet thing?

Huh?

[ceeboo]

I have a cousin who is married with two young kids. She has not spoken to her parents for years. Thus, her young children have not spoken to their grandparents - Nor has her husband.

So, as I mentioned in my OP (even though I understand how relevant it can be) I am not really that interested in the reason/reasons behind the people in this example not speaking, I am interested in other people's thoughts/opinions concerning them not speaking. What impact (if any) do you think these things have on a society - a country.

Hi Ceebs. I'm not sure that what you are describing is a trend, as opposed to increased awareness of something that has always existed.

Hmm? Maybe?

I've seen lots of examples throughout my life of members of various families who don't speak for one reason or another. It's not uncommon among LDS families where someone decides the church isn't for them. It used to to be more common, I think, in families when someone came out as gay.

It's possible that social media has increased this situation. in my opinion, people self censor less online than they do in person. That could create more opportunities for the degree of conflict that can result in people cutting each other out off their lives. Ironically, the problem could be that the internet allows us to talk to each other too much. ;

Interesting. Thanks!

[ceeboo]

Hey Doc
I want to see American citizens unified. I want to see families repair familial relationships that are fractured/broken - Parents with kids - sisters with brothers - kids with grandkids - etc. I believe these relationships are extremely important to all involved.

How will I make it so? Other that what I do in my very little bubble, I'm not sure. In my little bubble I warmly welcome every single member of my family/friends in my home. I don't care what political party they belong to or how they voted in a specific election or who they happen to have sex with - they are welcome. (Obviously, there are some exceptions, I am speaking generally)

So no raccoon-whale sex?

Wouldn't that just be masturbation a few generations removed?

[Jersey Girl]

Jersey Girl,

Thanks for the link - I will try to find the time to take a peek.

There is no try. DO it.

[ceeboo]

Hey Cakes

Can you share some details on how this situation with your cousin came about?

Yeah, I didn't want to say what the reason was in the example I used because I didn't want to discuss the reason/reasons, I was hoping to make it much broader but now that I have read your post (and agree with it) I guess I need to say the following and hope the thread doesn't become political.

The reason my cousin has not spoken to her parents in years is because of who her parents voted for in a Presidential election.

[canpakes]

Hey Cakes

Can you share some details on how this situation with your cousin came about?

Yeah, I didn't want to say what the reason was in the example I used because I didn't want to discuss the reason/reasons, I was hoping to make it much broader but now that I have read your post (and agree with it) I guess I need to say the following and hope the thread doesn't become political.

The reason my cousin has not spoken to her parents in years is because of who her parents voted for in a Presidential election.

OK, I can understand how that might be a point of disagreement, but there are a number of other factors that can play into this.

My own father is a true-red, dyed-in-the-wool Trump fanatic - even did volunteer work for the campaign - but we still speak, and there’s no way that I’d end up choosing the same candidate as he did.

We’ve constructed a sort of political detente between the two of us, which is basically that we don’t try to talk about politics at all. It’s very difficult for him, because he has spent his entire life ‘othering’ non-conservatives as nameless, faceless entities with the sole aim of destroying the country, and he really does seem to like ‘the fight’ of political discussion.

I guess that I’ve given him some unexpected grief with my refusal to not buy into every fool talking point and conspiracy that he picks up from right-wing media. : D

But, my point isn’t to make this political. It’s only to mention that the Great Divide can be bridged, if only with a skinny little rope bridge guarded on both sides. So, I wonder if there’s something beyond just political alignments at work in the case of your cousin and her parents. Perhaps how they’ve responded to each other historically?

Was there a fairly strained relationship between them that preceded the (for lack of a better way to put it) the Rise of Trump?

[Jersey Girl]

Hey Doc

What do you want to see happen, and how will you make it so?

- Doc

I want to see American citizens unified. I want to see families repair familial relationships that are fractured/broken - Parents with kids - sisters with brothers - kids with grandkids - etc. I believe these relationships are extremely important to all involved.

How will I make it so? Other that what I do in my very little bubble, I'm not sure. In my little bubble I warmly welcome every single member of my family/friends in my home. I don't care what political party they belong to or how they voted in a specific election or who they happen to have sex with - they are welcome. (Obviously, there are some exceptions, I am speaking generally)

Create disciples.

[Jersey Girl]

Hey Cakes

Can you share some details on how this situation with your cousin came about?

Yeah, I didn't want to say what the reason was in the example I used because I didn't want to discuss the reason/reasons, I was hoping to make it much broader but now that I have read your post (and agree with it) I guess I need to say the following and hope the thread doesn't become political.

The reason my cousin has not spoken to her parents in years is because of who her parents voted for in a Presidential election.

Bug in cousin's ear. Your parents obviously helped to nurture an independent woman who thinks and decides for herself. I hope you learn to recognize that one day and also understand that you yourself have been essentially following their lead in making up your own mind as they, too, have made up theirs.

You can respect the freedom to make the journey while arriving at differing destinations.

Signed,
Someone who just pulled a "Trump 2024" shirt out of the dryer last night.

Folded it nicely and returned it to it's owner ready to wear.