Lindsay Stirling?

[nowacatholic]

So....Lindsay Stirling. Over the years her wardrobe has become so immodest that I have forbidden my 14-year-old DD to watch her.

Is she still LDS or is her immodest clothing an indication that she couldn't walk up to her covenants? It IS my concern when she influences MY DD, who likely thinks that dressing that way is appropriate, because, hey "Sister Stirling" does it.

She's definitely a sweet spirit, but she needs to understand that children and teenagers look up to her anyway. There is no excuse for dressing that way. I would think we could all agree that dressing that way does not represent the LDS Church (or ANY church) in a positive light.

Dressing the way she does causes problems. It caused problems for my DD, who lost her laptop and iPhone for three months when I caught her watching Stirling on YouTube. I also referred her to our bishop, who backed us up, because my wife is still LDS and she won't let my daughter out (she wants out) until she turns 18.

Look, this is about setting examples. She's failing in her obligation to represent the Church well and she has failed in her duty to be a good example.

This re-worded post will hopefully stay up this time, because I make valid points and I would like feedback, especially feedback on my punishment. The bishop backs me up, but said I went too far in her punishment. my wife backs me up and several of my LDS and Catholic friends all agree that Stirling is bad news until she wears more modest clothing.

[Moksha]

Get that violinist a burqa and require her future dress to be in accordance with Opus Dei standards!!!

[Res Ipsa]

Welcome, nowacatholic. I have a couple of questions. Were you formerly LDS? If so, why are you now a catholic? Have you talked with your daughter about why she watches Stirlng's videos? What does she think about how Stirling dresses in her videos? Have you and your daughter argued over clothes that your daughter wants to wear? Why is your daughter's upbringing solely up to your wife, but you are the one enforcing LDS standards? Being a Catholic, why does it matter to you what an LDS musician wears in terms of clothing? When you say the bishop "backed you up," what did he say?

You indicate that you posted this before, with different wording, but that the post was "taken down." Under what screen name did you post it?

[Imwashingmypirate]

So....Lindsay Stirling. Over the years her wardrobe has become so immodest that I have forbidden my 14-year-old DD to watch her.

Is she still LDS or is her immodest clothing an indication that she couldn't walk up to her covenants? It IS my concern when she influences MY DD, who likely thinks that dressing that way is appropriate, because, hey "Sister Stirling" does it.

She's definitely a sweet spirit, but she needs to understand that children and teenagers look up to her anyway. There is no excuse for dressing that way. I would think we could all agree that dressing that way does not represent the LDS Church (or ANY church) in a positive light.

Dressing the way she does causes problems. It caused problems for my DD, who lost her laptop and iPhone for three months when I caught her watching Stirling on YouTube. I also referred her to our bishop, who backed us up, because my wife is still LDS and she won't let my daughter out (she wants out) until she turns 18.

Look, this is about setting examples. She's failing in her obligation to represent the Church well and she has failed in her duty to be a good example.

This re-worded post will hopefully stay up this time, because I make valid points and I would like feedback, especially feedback on my punishment. The bishop backs me up, but said I went too far in her punishment. my wife backs me up and several of my LDS and Catholic friends all agree that Stirling is bad news until she wears more modest clothing.

Are you seeking backing?
I think your punishment was too harsh and you could have used it as an opportunity to discuss modesty with your daughter rather than an extreme punishment. She is a teenager, not a child. She is going to come across all sorts and see much more than that in her life and can't be shielded forever. If she was a boy discovering porn how would you react? Kids as young as 12 are aware of porn these days (according to the mum's at school). Not comparing modest dress to porn, comparing computer use.

It would actually be more beneficial to your daughter to be guided to better role models than to be banned because you aren't replacing the lessons she is taking in. Your just making her miserable and feeling like you are being unreasonable..

Just my opinion. You don't need to care what internet people think. But I will go look this person up and see how bad it is... I'll edit an update


Edit... Had a look... Is this like one of those click bait posts to get people checking something out lol.

She looks amazing and I'd let my 6 year old watch this. I saw 2 questionable outfits but I could see that there was flesh coloured mesh. And also, this is how dancers dress. She didn't give off any energy that would suggest her outfits were intended maturely.

[nowacatholic]

I'm sorry that you've chosen to do your six-year-old a huge disservice.

There's one video where she shakes her butt at the camera, which is wholly inappropriate. She also wears skimpy outfits on stage while dancing. That can't stand.

If anything, I went too light on DD. She's whining and causing drama about the punishment, so every time she has an outburst, she gets one more week of grounding. She doesn't need to be spoken to; she's 14 and is well, well beyond the age of accountability, so she can accept the consequences of her actions.

Her whine is that she needs her laptop for school and her phone to be reachable in case of an emergency. My response is that my generation went to school without laptops and that a pay phone would be sufficient for her needs.

I was merely trying to see what the LDS gossip people thought about a girl watching some evil music where the performer dressed like a...well, let's just say the sweet spirit dresses immodestly. All I'm trying to do is raise my DD right.

[Res Ipsa]

I'm sorry that you've chosen to do your six-year-old a huge disservice.

There's one video where she shakes her butt at the camera, which is wholly inappropriate. She also wears skimpy outfits on stage while dancing. That can't stand.

If anything, I went too light on DD. She's whining and causing drama about the punishment, so every time she has an outburst, she gets one more week of grounding. She doesn't need to be spoken to; she's 14 and is well, well beyond the age of accountability, so she can accept the consequences of her actions.

Her whine is that she needs her laptop for school and her phone to be reachable in case of an emergency. My response is that my generation went to school without laptops and that a pay phone would be sufficient for her needs.

I was merely trying to see what the LDS gossip people thought about a girl watching some evil music where the performer dressed like a...well, let's just say the sweet spirit dresses immodestly. All I'm trying to do is raise my DD right.

What does "LDS Gossip People" mean?

I've raised four kids. "She doesn't need to be spoken to" is a big red flag to me. You know the old saying about giving a man a fish and teaching a man to fish? Raising kids involves something similar. One of the most important parts of parenting is teaching your kids how to make good decisions. You can (mostly) force them to eat fish until you no longer have control over them, but that's no guarantee they will ever eat fish again. You aren't teaching her anything about why it's healthy to eat fish when all you do is summarily punish her when you catch her eating a Snickers bar. In my experience, simple punishment is counterproductive to teaching a young person how to make good decisions.

Also, I'm concerned by your reaction to "wearing skimpy outfits" as "That can't stand." That sounds to me like you are trying to control things you have no ability to control. If your daughter is 14, she's either at or rapidly approaching the point where you won't be able to control her behavior as a practical matter. You literally can't follow her around 24 hours a day and control what she looks at. And, as she grows, you'll lose the ability to physically control her at all without physically harming her. If you want to raise a daughter that you can have a strong, lifelong relationship with, striking or even physically restraining a teenager is the worst way to go about it.

You and your wife live with your daughter. You have the opportunity to through both discussion and modeling to teach her to make good choices. Why do think your influence can be overridden by a musician your daughter can only view on a screen. If you feel threatened that a woman playing the violin and dancing on a screen can undo your parenting, then I'd suggest you need to take a hard look at your parenting. If your idea of parenting is to keep your daughter in a cage, safe from outside influences, then you'll have done absolutely nothing about helping her learn to make good decisions. She'll have to learn the hard way -- and that can be pretty darn hard.

[Imwashingmypirate]

I'm sorry that you've chosen to do your six-year-old a huge disservice.

There's one video where she shakes her butt at the camera, which is wholly inappropriate. She also wears skimpy outfits on stage while dancing. That can't stand.

If anything, I went too light on DD. She's whining and causing drama about the punishment, so every time she has an outburst, she gets one more week of grounding. She doesn't need to be spoken to; she's 14 and is well, well beyond the age of accountability, so she can accept the consequences of her actions.

Her whine is that she needs her laptop for school and her phone to be reachable in case of an emergency. My response is that my generation went to school without laptops and that a pay phone would be sufficient for her needs.

I was merely trying to see what the LDS gossip people thought about a girl watching some evil music where the performer dressed like a...well, let's just say the sweet spirit dresses immodestly. All I'm trying to do is raise my DD right.

WOW

I haven't shown my 6 year old and I don't plan to.



Edit because this is the celestial forum haha.

[Imwashingmypirate]

I'm sorry that you've chosen to do your six-year-old a huge disservice.

There's one video where she shakes her butt at the camera, which is wholly inappropriate. She also wears skimpy outfits on stage while dancing. That can't stand.

If anything, I went too light on DD. She's whining and causing drama about the punishment, so every time she has an outburst, she gets one more week of grounding. She doesn't need to be spoken to; she's 14 and is well, well beyond the age of accountability, so she can accept the consequences of her actions.

Her whine is that she needs her laptop for school and her phone to be reachable in case of an emergency. My response is that my generation went to school without laptops and that a pay phone would be sufficient for her needs.

I was merely trying to see what the LDS gossip people thought about a girl watching some evil music where the performer dressed like a...well, let's just say the sweet spirit dresses immodestly. All I'm trying to do is raise my DD right.

What does "LDS Gossip People" mean?

I've raised four kids. "She doesn't need to be spoken to" is a big red flag to me. You know the old saying about giving a man a fish and teaching a man to fish? Raising kids involves something similar. One of the most important parts of parenting is teaching your kids how to make good decisions. You can (mostly) force them to eat fish until you no longer have control over them, but that's no guarantee they will ever eat fish again. You aren't teaching her anything about why it's healthy to eat fish when all you do is summarily punish her when you catch her eating a Snickers bar. In my experience, simple punishment is counterproductive to teaching a young person how to make good decisions.

Also, I'm concerned by your reaction to "wearing skimpy outfits" as "That can't stand." That sounds to me like you are trying to control things you have no ability to control. If your daughter is 14, she's either at or rapidly approaching the point where you won't be able to control her behavior as a practical matter. You literally can't follow her around 24 hours a day and control what she looks at. And, as she grows, you'll lose the ability to physically control her at all without physically harming her. If you want to raise a daughter that you can have a strong, lifelong relationship with, striking or even physically restraining a teenager is the worst way to go about it.

You and your wife live with your daughter. You have the opportunity to through both discussion and modeling to teach her to make good choices. Why do think your influence can be overridden by a musician your daughter can only view on a screen. If you feel threatened that a woman playing the violin and dancing on a screen can undo your parenting, then I'd suggest you need to take a hard look at your parenting. If your idea of parenting is to keep your daughter in a cage, safe from outside influences, then you'll have done absolutely nothing about helping her learn to make good decisions. She'll have to learn the hard way -- and that can be pretty darn hard.

edit because this is the celestial forum....


OP sounds abusive. There are far too many red flags here. Sounds very much like my dad... Are you my dad?
I cut my dad out. He has no contact with me or my kids and I don't think he will ever have. He makes me feel sick and right now I feel sick.

If you don't want to be sat alone some day wondering why no one wants to know you (probably thinking you've done no wrong), do consider seeking therapy and re-evaluating your behaviour.

The role model you are creating is far worse than a skimpy outfit. She won't be watching feeling sexually attracted to the woman (if you feel sexually uncomfortable by the outfits then that says more about you OP), she will be enjoying the music. She's not even going to remember this person when she moves onto the next thing she is interested in but she is going to remember you and what you are doing.

[Imwashingmypirate]

Pretty sure some criminals get less time in jail than your daughter's punishment for something she hasn't even done. Something you are worrying she might do. She is capable of reasoning and rationalising and understanding that we don't dress like that in normal life. Give her more credit. And I very much doubt she is feeling anything sexual from it. The woman isn't giving off sexual energy. I am sure putting those outfits on women that are giving off sexual energy would change the whole thing but the punishment is still reduculous. The punishment for having normal healthy emotions is worse. It is good for her to express her feelings and to have feelings and outbursts. It means she is healthy and learning to regulate her emotions. You squash them down inside her, you will give her mental health issues and I'm speaking from experience. 20 years on and I'm still in therapy being told I don't know how to regulate emotions. Don't punish her for having feelings.

The sweet spirit thing is giving me the ick.

[nowacatholic]

Well, Lindsay gives me the ick. And I stand by my "sweet spirit" assessment. The only way she's getting married is if they bring back polygamy. But joking aside, it's my responsibility to expose my DD to positive role models. Stirling is not one of them. That's unfortunate because she's actually a good violinist.