Ray A wrote: God Grant Me The Serenity
To Accept The Things I Cannot Change
Courage To Change The Things I Can
And The Wisdom To Know The Difference
I am here. What is wanted?
harmony, also known as serenity in certain places on the net
Exmos
-
_harmony
- _Emeritus
- Posts: 18195
- Joined: Fri Oct 27, 2006 1:35 am
-
_Tori
- _Emeritus
- Posts: 106
- Joined: Thu Nov 08, 2007 11:47 pm
A couple of years ago, I posted a thread on the RFM board that was almost the same as this. My question: "What was your feeling the very instant you realized the Church was a fraud?"...or something like that.
It was a late Sunday afternoon, I was alone, kinda in a forlorn mood and I was curious how people felt... their thoughts at that time when they had that awakening, or painful gut-kick when the light came on that it was all a lie.
The thread reached it's 30 max-posts in about 1 1/2 hrs. and each one was amazing to read. Almost everybody expressed their sorrow at their discovery. There were stories of bouts of depression, divorce, being 'dis-owned', losing life-long friendships. When I read the responses on that thread I wept.....again.
When a TBM makes the usual comments like "You leave the Church, but can't leave it alone", or "You are taking the easy way out because you couldn't live the Gospel...it's too hard", "You just want to sin" (I'm sure you all know what I mean), I just shake my head.
They don't get it. They don't get it at all and I have found it impossible to explain it to them. How can they possibly really believe that leaving the Church is the easy way out? I wanted to change what I had learned. It was devastating! I felt like the wind had been knocked right out of me the same way I felt when I was slugged in the stomach by the back-swing of a baseball bat.
You can't un-'Know'when you find out these troubling things.
You can't get the tooth-paste back in the tube.
You can't gather the seeds blown from a dandilion.
You just....can't.
And so...Here I am. A classic CUB (closet-un-believer).
I can't tell my siblings. I can't tell my co-workers. (I'm in Orem and work for a very devout Mormon) Only my best friend knows in my ward, thank heaven she still loves me.
And...thank heaven (or somebody) for my sweetie who believes and feels the same as me and can relate to what it's like to no longer believe.
It was a late Sunday afternoon, I was alone, kinda in a forlorn mood and I was curious how people felt... their thoughts at that time when they had that awakening, or painful gut-kick when the light came on that it was all a lie.
The thread reached it's 30 max-posts in about 1 1/2 hrs. and each one was amazing to read. Almost everybody expressed their sorrow at their discovery. There were stories of bouts of depression, divorce, being 'dis-owned', losing life-long friendships. When I read the responses on that thread I wept.....again.
When a TBM makes the usual comments like "You leave the Church, but can't leave it alone", or "You are taking the easy way out because you couldn't live the Gospel...it's too hard", "You just want to sin" (I'm sure you all know what I mean), I just shake my head.
They don't get it. They don't get it at all and I have found it impossible to explain it to them. How can they possibly really believe that leaving the Church is the easy way out? I wanted to change what I had learned. It was devastating! I felt like the wind had been knocked right out of me the same way I felt when I was slugged in the stomach by the back-swing of a baseball bat.
You can't un-'Know'when you find out these troubling things.
You can't get the tooth-paste back in the tube.
You can't gather the seeds blown from a dandilion.
You just....can't.
And so...Here I am. A classic CUB (closet-un-believer).
I can't tell my siblings. I can't tell my co-workers. (I'm in Orem and work for a very devout Mormon) Only my best friend knows in my ward, thank heaven she still loves me.
And...thank heaven (or somebody) for my sweetie who believes and feels the same as me and can relate to what it's like to no longer believe.
And those who were seen dancing were thought to be insane by those who cold not hear the music. ----Nietzche
-
_huckelberry
- _Emeritus
- Posts: 4559
- Joined: Wed Dec 27, 2006 2:29 am
Book of Mormon seventeen times, a staggering idea, at least to me. I do not mean any criticism in my comment, I can respect the determination. I read it once and did not really like it very much. I had difficulty believing it historical even though I kept that thought on the self for at least a few years.
My belief dissolved even without considering some significant issues. I was young enough that I still though Joseph Smith had three or four wives and anything else was antimorman lies. I still thought gold hunting stories manufactored by Howe. I could not get myself to believe the Book of Mormon.
I functionally left the church my senior year in high school. That is young enough that my main memory of how I responded was a sense of adventure. There was a big wide world full of possiblities and I wanted to look far afield. Now I did have some mixed feelings about the church. Some aspects I liked and respected. Other things repulsed me and I rapidly discovered I was eager to leave.
I could say I spent most of my time not thinking much about it. I do remember that indifference being occasionally interupted by moments of anger and even fear. I didn't know a lot of stuff, perhaps I was headed into a bad place. I can remember a nightmare.
15 or so years later I wanted to look at it all again. I thought to look carefullly at both sides. I remember some real anger about realizing who was lying when about Joseph's extra wives. There is a list of stuff(familiar on the mesage board) that I have felt anger about.
How do I feel now? I keep my distance. I have been back a few tme for funerals. People are nice at funerals and do not ask why I haven't been going to church. Well the question is a bit out of date. And come to think of it I am not that fond of funerals perhaps I will not be obliged to again.
I get along with my family. I only speak of my beliefs about the church with those who are seperated from it. My father grew old and doubtful of the church and started talking to me about his doubts. that may have influenced me to stick around the message boards.
I am not giving up thinking there is a big wonderous world outside. that's how I feel now.
My belief dissolved even without considering some significant issues. I was young enough that I still though Joseph Smith had three or four wives and anything else was antimorman lies. I still thought gold hunting stories manufactored by Howe. I could not get myself to believe the Book of Mormon.
I functionally left the church my senior year in high school. That is young enough that my main memory of how I responded was a sense of adventure. There was a big wide world full of possiblities and I wanted to look far afield. Now I did have some mixed feelings about the church. Some aspects I liked and respected. Other things repulsed me and I rapidly discovered I was eager to leave.
I could say I spent most of my time not thinking much about it. I do remember that indifference being occasionally interupted by moments of anger and even fear. I didn't know a lot of stuff, perhaps I was headed into a bad place. I can remember a nightmare.
15 or so years later I wanted to look at it all again. I thought to look carefullly at both sides. I remember some real anger about realizing who was lying when about Joseph's extra wives. There is a list of stuff(familiar on the mesage board) that I have felt anger about.
How do I feel now? I keep my distance. I have been back a few tme for funerals. People are nice at funerals and do not ask why I haven't been going to church. Well the question is a bit out of date. And come to think of it I am not that fond of funerals perhaps I will not be obliged to again.
I get along with my family. I only speak of my beliefs about the church with those who are seperated from it. My father grew old and doubtful of the church and started talking to me about his doubts. that may have influenced me to stick around the message boards.
I am not giving up thinking there is a big wonderous world outside. that's how I feel now.
-
_BishopRic
- _Emeritus
- Posts: 657
- Joined: Sat Nov 10, 2007 8:59 pm
Tori wrote:A couple of years ago, I posted a thread on the RFM board that was almost the same as this. My question: "What was your feeling the very instant you realized the Church was a fraud?"...or something like that.
It was a late Sunday afternoon, I was alone, kinda in a forlorn mood and I was curious how people felt... their thoughts at that time when they had that awakening, or painful gut-kick when the light came on that it was all a lie.
The thread reached it's 30 max-posts in about 1 1/2 hrs. and each one was amazing to read. Almost everybody expressed their sorrow at their discovery. There were stories of bouts of depression, divorce, being 'dis-owned', losing life-long friendships. When I read the responses on that thread I wept.....again.
When a TBM makes the usual comments like "You leave the Church, but can't leave it alone", or "You are taking the easy way out because you couldn't live the Gospel...it's too hard", "You just want to sin" (I'm sure you all know what I mean), I just shake my head.
They don't get it. They don't get it at all and I have found it impossible to explain it to them. How can they possibly really believe that leaving the Church is the easy way out? I wanted to change what I had learned. It was devastating! I felt like the wind had been knocked right out of me the same way I felt when I was slugged in the stomach by the back-swing of a baseball bat.
You can't un-'Know'when you find out these troubling things.
You can't get the tooth-paste back in the tube.
You can't gather the seeds blown from a dandilion.
You just....can't.
And so...Here I am. A classic CUB (closet-un-believer).
I can't tell my siblings. I can't tell my co-workers. (I'm in Orem and work for a very devout Mormon) Only my best friend knows in my ward, thank heaven she still loves me.
And...thank heaven (or somebody) for my sweetie who believes and feels the same as me and can relate to what it's like to no longer believe.
Yes...and by the way, will you marry me,?!
-
_harmony
- _Emeritus
- Posts: 18195
- Joined: Fri Oct 27, 2006 1:35 am
-
_BishopRic
- _Emeritus
- Posts: 657
- Joined: Sat Nov 10, 2007 8:59 pm
harmony wrote:BishopRic wrote:Yes...and by the way, will you marry me,?!
If you were Joseph, you could tell her that God had promised her to you in the pre-existence, and that her current marriage is invalid and null and void.
Surely you can come up with something equally creative!
Yeah...what he/she said!
(sorry, I don't think I can be as creative as Joe!)
-
_harmony
- _Emeritus
- Posts: 18195
- Joined: Fri Oct 27, 2006 1:35 am
BishopRic wrote:harmony wrote:BishopRic wrote:Yes...and by the way, will you marry me,?!
If you were Joseph, you could tell her that God had promised her to you in the pre-existence, and that her current marriage is invalid and null and void.
Surely you can come up with something equally creative!
Yeah...what he/she said!
(sorry, I don't think I can be as creative as Joe!)
harmony is a she. :-) a.k.a. Blink, Dill Pickles, serenity, and 1/3 of WAzing.
-
_BishopRic
- _Emeritus
- Posts: 657
- Joined: Sat Nov 10, 2007 8:59 pm
harmony wrote:BishopRic wrote:harmony wrote:BishopRic wrote:Yes...and by the way, will you marry me,?!
If you were Joseph, you could tell her that God had promised her to you in the pre-existence, and that her current marriage is invalid and null and void.
Surely you can come up with something equally creative!
Yeah...what he/she said!
(sorry, I don't think I can be as creative as Joe!)
harmony is a she. :-) a.k.a. Blink, Dill Pickles, serenity, and 1/3 of WAzing.
Sorry...haven't been around too long; had to be politically correct!
Now I know....
-
_harmony
- _Emeritus
- Posts: 18195
- Joined: Fri Oct 27, 2006 1:35 am
BishopRic wrote:Sorry...haven't been around too long; had to be politically correct!
Now I know....
No prob. I've been kicked off more LDS boards than virtually any other card-carrying active member, and I was banned from MAD long before you appeared there. Unless you came here, you had no way of knowing (unless your discernment is at a level higher than our current leaders possess, not that that would be too difficult.)
-
_BishopRic
- _Emeritus
- Posts: 657
- Joined: Sat Nov 10, 2007 8:59 pm
harmony wrote:BishopRic wrote:Sorry...haven't been around too long; had to be politically correct!
Now I know....
No prob. I've been kicked off more LDS boards than virtually any other card-carrying active member, and I was banned from MAD long before you appeared there. Unless you came here, you had no way of knowing (unless your discernment is at a level higher than our current leaders possess, not that that would be too difficult.)
Well, I frequently claim that my psychic powers are better now that I have left the LDS church...but I bow to the genius statement in a recent TV commercial, "if psychics are honest, why don't they win the lotteries?!"
I'm not worthy!