Who is God to you?

[_Sam Harris]

I remember feeling abandoned by God when I was questioning the church, I flat out said, "God is not my refuge". But when my perception of God changed, and left the realm of what everyone else had defined God to be, I found refuge again. To me spirituality is an ever-changing thing. I'm still in flux, and comfortable with changing my belief system as I gain new knowledge. The journey is for me and about my peace, not for anyone else or about their views.

That hits a note, Sam.

I hope that you get to where you desire to go in your journey. I'm learning to let go of others' expectations, creeds that I once held dear, "should-haves" and "should do's". It's not easy, but it's helping. Still, I think that a certain portion of "wandering in darkness" is necessary for each journey.

[_Inconceivable]

Why is it that people tend to want to blame God based on what is in religious texts (that they're not supposed to believe in anyway) for what free-will possessing men and women do?

Perhaps because God is so silent when it comes to clarifying this misunderstanding and all of the others.

[_Inconceivable]

I hope that you get to where you desire to go in your journey. I'm learning to let go of others' expectations, creeds that I once held dear, "should-haves" and "should do's". It's not easy, but it's helping. Still, I think that a certain portion of "wandering in darkness" is necessary for each journey.

Yeah, this seems to be the direction I am taking.

But isn't the concept that there is necessity in wandering in darkness for a time an expectation of others as well?

[_Sam Harris]

But the issue is still people being responsible for what THEY do.

When those who have abused me act against me (family-wise), I don't ask God why he/she/it didn't stop them. They are beings with free-will. If God were to intervene, then my mother, my aunts, my family would be automatons. Despite the pain I've experienced, I do not want that.

Eventually with regards to them, I got my answers. My mom is a pretty sick person. Did God do it to her, or did a person with free will do it to her?

Which would you rather, the inability to act for yourself so that no one gets hurt, or the ability to act freely, even if mistakes are made, for your own learning and betterment?

As hard as my youth was, I would not change a thing. And it was hell. But it shaped me into who I am today, and I like that person. No, I love that person. But I would not be that person if not for those experiences, both good and bad.

I don't think God is silent at all, my friend. I think that God speaks, but often we do not know where to look.

Answers to my questions have come through other people, through random things that I read (like the sticky note on my PC that the woman I replaced left), music. Our environment is full of answers, if we know how to recognize them. People still expect God to speak in a "human" voice. We want that Charlton Heston type boom from the heavens. The mainstream religious community is still hard-wired to expect any sort of spiritual communication to happen in this way...this sort of "top down" communication. But I have never "heard God speak" in such a manner.

Let me give you an example of when the Divine spoke to me. It was during a time when I was really struggling as an LDS.

I remember that day clearly, I was about 20 years old, I was struggling with my perception of who I was in light of the church's expectations. I was still very deep in my struggle with depression. I was having problems with my mom, and also in a long-distance relationship that really wasn't working. I was at work that day, I kept my office door closed, as I didn't want people to see me upset. I took frequent breaks so I could get fresh air, as I was on the verge of tears the entire day. Finally I gave up and went outside for lunch, sat down, and cried.

A complete stranger came up to me, having taken pity on me because I guess I was crying that loud. She literally, without my having told her anything about my problems, answered all the questions that I had asked the Divine in prayer. If you would like the specifics, I would have to go home and get my journal, as I recorded it in there. But long story short, she comforted me deeply, and I felt like she was sent to me. I didn't tell her anything really about what my problems were. She just saw me crying and began to speak, very specifically about my concerns. One of the things that has always stuck with me, and I believe I've used over the years was the admonition not to let others define me. As time passed from that moment, I learned that there would always be those to misrepresent me. I could choose to dwell on it, or I could speak my piece (and vehemently at times) and let it go. There are many in my world who think they know me...yet have no idea.

The "voice" of the Divine, I believe, is no voice at all. Rather it is information in our everyday worlds that can help guide us if we know where to look. It is because of this belief that I am able to see value in all of my experiences. Example: I believe I was led to be LDS for a reason, and it wasn't just to suffer. I have some awesome people in my life due to those six years.

It's all in how we look at the situation. But like I said, to me there is no spiritual journey without a walk through the darkness. We need both points of view in order to appreciate where we've been and where we are going.

A quote that I found the other day (I don't know the author, though):

Life is a series of stepping stones from one lesson to the next. When we take the lesson and release the pains attached, we move on in comfort. When we remain attached, we turn around and pick up the stone to wear as we continue.

I think this is very applicable to the spiritual journey. Any journey, really.

[_Sam Harris]

I hope that you get to where you desire to go in your journey. I'm learning to let go of others' expectations, creeds that I once held dear, "should-haves" and "should do's". It's not easy, but it's helping. Still, I think that a certain portion of "wandering in darkness" is necessary for each journey.

Yeah, this seems to be the direction I am taking.

But isn't the concept that there is necessity in wandering in darkness for a time an expectation of others as well?

Perhaps. You make a good point. But how would one come to really truly appreciate happiness if one never knew sadness?

I think that it's wise to experience both sides of the proverbial coin, so as to know when the "good" is available to you. I think the expectation of others comes into play when others want to tell you how long you should wander in darkness. Never let another person determine how much you have suffered. Your period of darkness could be one day, and if so be it, that can be enough for you.

[_Inconceivable]

You have reminded me of some good things to ponder about today. Thanks, Sam.

[_harmony]

Why is it that people tend to want to blame God based on what is in religious texts (that they're not supposed to believe in anyway) for what free-will possessing men and women do?

Perhaps because God is so silent when it comes to clarifying this misunderstanding and all of the others.

I don't find God silent at all. I find men to be very noisy though, so maybe that's why people get them confused.

[_Sam Harris]

I'm glad I was able to. Never forget that your path is exactly that, YOURS. Be selfish about that. It's your journey, your experience, and no other man can really define that for you. They can only give you advice that you must choose to either accept or discard, and give you clues.

You have full power to achieve the type of life you want spiritually. And that does not have to include the mainstream idea of God, or even a belief in God at all. What matters most is your inner peace and happiness.

[_Sam Harris]

Why is it that people tend to want to blame God based on what is in religious texts (that they're not supposed to believe in anyway) for what free-will possessing men and women do?

Perhaps because God is so silent when it comes to clarifying this misunderstanding and all of the others.

I don't find God silent at all. I find men to be very noisy though, so maybe that's why people get them confused.

Oh, very wise! Harmony made a good point that I missed, Inc. Well, I kind of touched on it in my comments about men writing the Bible, but she is right. We place the lens of our worldview over everything, and many times we forget that that lens might be scratched or tinted. We think that because people don't see things the way we do, that they don't understand, or that they do not have access to the divine.

I choose to believe that everyone does in his or her own way.

[_Inconceivable]

Why is it that people tend to want to blame God based on what is in religious texts (that they're not supposed to believe in anyway) for what free-will possessing men and women do?

Perhaps because God is so silent when it comes to clarifying this misunderstanding and all of the others.

I don't find God silent at all. I find men to be very noisy though, so maybe that's why people get them confused.

Oh, very wise! Harmony made a good point that I missed, Inc. Well, I kind of touched on it in my comments about men writing the Bible, but she is right. We place the lens of our worldview over everything, and many times we forget that that lens might be scratched or tinted..

Yes. Like I mentioned before. I yet feel the effects of an enormous amount of anger and betrayal. It does obscure my perspective in a most debilitating way.

Anger is the sound of running a jackhammer without earplugs. Even after you stop it, your ears will ring for a time and sometimes even permanently. I hope the ringing will go away soon.