This is a very insightful essay by an LDS woman who struggles with depression. Here are a couple of excerpts:
I rarely talk about my experiences to members of the Church (except for friends I have who have also struggled with mental illness–somehow birds of a feather flock together) and have never spoken to a Bishop about them. This is because I am afraid that people would not understand. I am afraid people will assume that I have brought this upon myself through sin. I have heard so many people say things like, “If you are faithful, you will be happy,” or “If you pray, you can be healed,” and I am not doubting that this can be the case for some people, but it has not yet worked for me.
I do not believe it is because I have been unfaithful or that I have removed myself from the scope of God’s mercy and love through sin. It is hard enough to deal with this without feeling judgment and misunderstanding from other people. I read Elder Alexander Morrison’s book, “Valley of Sorrow: A Layman’s Guide to Mental Illness,” and was so grateful that finally someone in the Church had said something that made me feel as though it wasn’t my fault that I am the way I am. I recommend the book.
(my emphasis)
t was (and is) very shameful for me to know that I was struggling with a mental illness. Growing up as a part of a Church that asked for its members to strive for perfection, I felt deeply flawed. I felt as though I were a failure, and that being mentally ill made me a disappointment to my family and to my God. This has made it extremely difficult to turn to either my family or my God with this particular problem, because I feel so ashamed of myself for not being “normal” or “whole.” For not being able to meet the demands of life. I feel ungrateful and unworthy. I still see my depression (and some of its effects, such as attempted suicide) as sinful. I don’t know how to talk about something that feels so far from the Gospel with people who are a part of the Church. Furthermore, I feel like one way to describe depression is an inability to feel the Spirit (or to feel love or peace). Though I believe that the Spirit brings us joy and comfort, I think that depression (and other mental illnesses) act as a block against or minimization of the effects of the Spirit. It is very isolating and lonely to be cut off from this.