Priesthood Humor

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_Gadianton
_Emeritus
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Priesthood Humor

Post by _Gadianton »

To set the stage, L. Tom Perry is being interviewed by a GA. The GA is looking for a stake president. Perry and one of his buddies are bishop and counselor together having a good old priesthood brethreny time of their lives and don't want to be seperated.

When I followed him in for my interview, the first question that was asked of me was, "What do you think of the bishop as a leader?" I started giving glowing
reports about what a leader he was. Then it dawned on me that they might call him to be a stake president if I made him look too good, and our service would be interrupted--and we were having such an enjoyable time together! So I said, "He is a great leader, but under pressure he goes home and beats his wife."

The General Authority leaned back in his chair and a smile came over his face. He said, "Isn't that funny? He was just in here ahead of you, and he accused you of going out behind the barn and smoking cigars."

In that reorganization I was called to be a counselor in the stake presidency and later a stake president. This call had a special way of teaching me closeness to the Lord.


http://speeches.BYU.edu/reader/reader.php?id=6737

A funny joke. At least funny to the typical GA. Had he said, "except sometimes under stress he'll visit a prostitute" or "sometimes he'll rape someone" I doubt the GA would have laughed. There are reasons that priesthood brotherly authority-complex fraternizing can dismiss "wife beating" humor and trivialize it like a "cigar smoking" joke.

This is an example by the way, of something offensive and a moral outrage.
Lou Midgley 08/20/2020: "...meat wad," and "cockroach" are pithy descriptions of human beings used by gemli? They were not fashioned by Professor Peterson.

LM 11/23/2018: one can explain away the soul of human beings...as...a Meat Unit, to use Professor Peterson's clever derogatory description of gemli's ideology.
_Ray A

Post by _Ray A »

From Deconstructor's site, though my emphasis:

8 Oct, 1859 - Brigham Young from the pulpit tells bishops to give Melchizedek priesthood to eighteen-year old boys, even if they "have been sowing their wild oats for years."

11 Dec, 1866 - Brigham Young, Jr. writes in his diary that "a nigger" is found dead in Salt Lake City with this note pinned to the corpse: "Let this be a warning to all niggers that they meddle not with white women."

27 Oct, 1869 - Brigham Young preaches at Lehi, Utah that "by marriage Lot's two daughters were sealed to him, and will be his to all eternity." Young adds that it might one day become necessary to seals a man's daughter to him as a wife, "but it is not likely ever again to occur." There are verified instances of LDS leaders performing polygamous marriages between men and their foster-daughters or step-daughters, but not actual daughters.

18 June, 1870 - First counselor George A. Smith tells Salt Lake School of the Prophets about "the evil of Masturbation" among Utah Mormons. Apostle Lorenzo Snow says that "Plural Marriage would tend to diminish this evil self-pollution," and he believes that "indulgence on the part of men was less in Plural marriage than in Monogamy." Elder George Reynolds (Secretary to Brigham Young) also tells the School that "where Monogamy was the Law, it compelled a more frequent (sexual) cohabitation than is right and proper." Mormon medical books of the time advise sexual intercourse only once a month.

9 Oct, 1883 - In several hours of meeting with stake presidents, First Presidency and apostles give instructions about "Masturbation...self-pollution of both sexes and excessive sexual indulgence in the married relation." This is the first-known Mormon reference to female masturbation.

7 Nov, 1885 - Quorum of Twelve excommunicates Apostle Albert Carrington "for crimes of lewd and lascivious conduct and adultery" with several women dating back to 1871. This is the first time since 1842 that a general authority is excommunicated for sexual misconduct, and its publication on 10 Nov. stuns the community.

21 July, 1887 - Apostle Franklin D. Richards: "God the Father came down in his tabernacle of flesh and bone and had (sexual) association with Mary, and made her pregnant with Jesus."

8 Sep, 1890 - Apostle John Henry Smith preaches from the pulpit that "married people who indulge their passions for any other purpose than to beget children, really committed adultery."

20 Sep, 1896 - Seventy's president J. Golden Kimball preaches: "There are 500 girls who are public prostitutes in Salt Lake City. Some of these are daughters of Latter-Day Saints."

17 June, 1978 - Church News headline "Interracial Marriage Discouraged" in same issue which announces authorization of priesthood for those of black African descent. Sources at church headquarters indicate that Apostle Mark E. Petersen requires this emphasis.


http://www.i4m.com/think/sexuality/mormon_sex.htm
_Gadianton
_Emeritus
Posts: 9947
Joined: Sat Jul 07, 2007 5:12 am

Post by _Gadianton »

Another "laugh it up" moment for the typical GA.

20 Sep, 1896 - Seventy's president J. Golden Kimball preaches: "There are 500 girls who are public prostitutes in Salt Lake City. Some of these are daughters of Latter-Day Saints."


How many of them did he know by name? Or at least their "stage name".
Lou Midgley 08/20/2020: "...meat wad," and "cockroach" are pithy descriptions of human beings used by gemli? They were not fashioned by Professor Peterson.

LM 11/23/2018: one can explain away the soul of human beings...as...a Meat Unit, to use Professor Peterson's clever derogatory description of gemli's ideology.
_Ray A

Post by _Ray A »

Again from Decon's site, a Joseph Smith love letter to Sarah Ann Whitney:

"... the only thing to be careful of; is to find out when Emma comes then you cannot be safe, but when she is not here, there is the most perfect safty. ... Only be careful to escape observation, as much as possible, I know it is a heroick undertakeing; but so much the greater friendship, and the more Joy, when I see you I will tell you all my plans, I cannot write them on paper, burn this letter as soon as you read it; keep all locked up in your breasts, my life depends upon it. ... I close my letter, I think Emma wont come tonight if she don't, don't fail to come to night, I subscribe myself your most obedient, and affectionate, companion, and friend. Joseph Smith."
- Joseph Smith Handwritten Letter,

http://www.xmission.com/~research/family/strange.htm


I don't know why he used such a poor source. This information is available in Mormon Enigma, p.125. But he does not note this.

Edit: Actually, on revision, the source isn't that poor at all, but he should still have quoted Mormon Enigma. In fact I think that the authors of Mormon Enigma may have obtained this source from Marquardt. So Decon was quoting the original source.
_Ray A

Post by _Ray A »

Orson Pratt's Wife, Sarah:

"Sometime in late 1840 or early 1841, Joseph Smith confided to his friend that he was smitten by the "amiable and accomplished" Sarah Pratt and wanted her for "one of his spiritual wives, for the Lord had given her to him as a special favor for his faithfulness" (emphasis in original). Shortly afterward, the two men took some of Bennett's sewing to Sarah's house. During the visit, as Bennett describes it, Joseph said, "Sister Pratt, the Lord has given you to me as one of my spiritual wives. I have the blessings of Jacob granted me, as God granted holy men of old, and as I have long looked upon you with favor, and an earnest desire of connubial bliss, I hope you will not repulse or deny me." "And is that the great secret that I am not to utter," Sarah replied. "Am I called upon to break the marriage covenant, and prove recreant to my lawful husband! I never will." She added, "I care not for the blessings of Jacob. I have one good husband, and that is enough for me." But according to Bennett, the Prophet was persistent. Finally Sarah angrily told him on a subsequent visit, "Joseph, if you ever attempt any thing of the kind with me again, I will make a full disclosure to Mr. Pratt on his return home. Depend upon it, I will certainly do it." "Sister Pratt," the Prophet responded, "I hope you will not expose me, for if I suffer, all must suffer; so do not expose me. Will you promise me that you will not do it?" "If you will never insult me again," Sarah replied, "I will not expose you unless strong circumstances should require it." "If you should tell," the Prophet added, "I will ruin your reputation, remember that."


(Article "Sarah M. Pratt" by Richard A. Van Wagoner, Dialogue, Vol.19, No.2, p.72.

And in case you're wondering, yes, I did read the original article, but using the link for "online purposes".
_Ray A

Post by _Ray A »

Free Inquiry, Vern L. Bullough. (Emphasis added)


In spite of the image of sexual repression most of us have of what is sometimes called the "age of Victoria," sexual drive continued to break through the surface. Prostitution was rampant, and brothels in the United States were everywhere. Many Americans, upset at the hypocrisy of it all, formed free-love communities such as Oneida or sex-free groups such as the Shakers. Many also turned to scriptural examples to deal with their sexual drives. This was the case of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints, or Mormons, established by Joseph Smith in 1830.

In the book In Sacred Loneliness: The Plural Wives of Joseph Smith, Todd Compton, a cautious and careful scholar, has managed to reconstruct the lives of Smith's 33 documented wives, most of whom previously had been known only by name. He holds that the women as a group were extraordinary in many ways, and he tries to see Mormon history not from the traditional viewpoint of the male church leaders, but from the viewpoint of the wives of the prophet, most of whom played important roles in the Mormon Church.

The Mormons were very much influenced by the traditional Jewish Scriptures in which polygamy was a fact of life. But Smith added a new wrinkle—the Mormon's obligation to bring unborn souls awaiting an earthly body into being, emphasized by the biblical injunction to be fruitful and multiply. He apparently became convinced of the correctness of polygamy in 1831 after he already published the Book of Mormon and gradually revealed the new revelation to his close followers.

Smith probably took his first plural wife in 1833, a 16-year-old named Fanny Alger. Though some Mormon writers, perhaps embarrassed by the polygamous activities of Joseph Smith, have emphasized that Smith's marriages were only spiritual unions without sexual contact, this, as Compton makes clear, was simply not the case.

Over the next few years, Smith took some 33 wives. They included a mother and a daughter, the widow of his brother (in a traditional Levirate ritual), and two sisters. Age was of little matter to him: eleven were between 14 and 20 years of age, nine were 21 to 30, eight were in his own peer group (31 to 40), two were 41 to 50, and three were 51 or over. In addition to the documented wives, there might well have been eight others whom Compton labels as possible wives, and eight who were "sealed" to him after his murder in 1844 so that they might be his wives in heaven. This gives a total of 50 wives, counting Emma, his first wife. Many of the women were married to others when they became the wives of Smith.

Polygamy was restricted to the leadership group in the Mormon Church and was more or less kept secret from the other members, although rumors abounded. Emma Smith, the first and only legal wife, was violently opposed to polygamy, and fought the prophet tooth and nail on the issue. After his death she denied the existence of other wives, although records indicate she was well aware of at least some of them. Emma was not alone in her hostility, and many of the early Mormons split from Smith over the issue of polygamy. It was a factor in Smith's assassination. It was not until the Mormons reached Utah, however, that polygamy became a matter of public knowledge.

Almost all of Smith's wives married again after the death of Joseph, and many, as indicated, were already in secular marriages. Thus, it was not just polygamy (plural wives) the Mormons practiced but polyandry (plural husbands) as well. After Smith's death, many of the surviving wives were married by proxy to other Mormon leaders, who were to act as real husbands, even "raising seed" to Smith (i.e. making the women pregnant), although in the next world, the celestial kingdom, Joseph's sacred wives were to again become his. Children from such marriages were "sealed eternally" to Joseph Smith in temple ceremonies so that they could also join his family in the hereafter.

Probably most of Smith's wives were convinced of the rightness of multiple marriages according to what Compton uncovered in their private diaries or letters. Still, he argues that Mormon polygamy was characterized by a tragic ambiguity. A plural wife's marriage had eternal significance in the Mormon doctrine, but it lacked earthly fulfillment since the loving, comforting husband was rarely around, even when the wives lived in the same house. Many husbands did not even live in the same community. Most of Smith's wives, reports Compton, were usually forced to carry on by themselves with only an occasional visit from either the prophet or after his death from their new polygamous husband stand-ins for him. Thus, although most came to believe they were fulfilling their sacred duty, they also reported feelings of depression, despair, anxiety, helplessness, abandonment, and anger. They displayed psychosomatic symptoms and had low self-esteem in what Compton called their "sacred loneliness."


http://www.signaturebooks.com/reviews/insacred.htm
_moksha
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Post by _moksha »

The Mormons were very much influenced by the traditional Jewish Scriptures in which polygamy was a fact of life. But Smith added a new wrinkle—the Mormon's obligation to bring unborn souls awaiting an earthly body into being, emphasized by the biblical injunction to be fruitful and multiply. He apparently became convinced of the correctness of polygamy in 1831 after he already published the Book of Mormon and gradually revealed the new revelation to his close followers.


However we are told that Smith abstained from all sexual practices, choosing instead to practice chastity without celibacy.
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_Gazelam
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Post by _Gazelam »

My Mom and Dad went in for a Temple recommend interview, and the Bishop asked if there was anything he needed to know about.

My Dad, a large stocky kind of guy, sheepishly states "Sometimes my wife hits me."

My Mom angrilly backhands him across his upper arm and says "Oh, I do Not !"
We can easily forgive a child who is afraid of the dark; the real tragedy of life is when men are afraid of the light. - Plato
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