Meet the Mopologists

[_Daniel Peterson]

I hope one day to achieve the level of penetrating psychological insight contained in the pages of FARMS Review, and within the links of SHIELDS. I still have a long way to go, however.

Yes, you do.

That said, I can't help but notice how... upset so many of the TBMs on this thread seem to be. I mean, whew! You would think that they'd never heard of movie reviews, or of reviews in general!

Faux innocence. How beguiling.

But, then again, we know that these folks are well aware of SHIELDS, l-skinny, the MADboard, and FARMS Review. So, I kind of have to wonder what all the fuss is about.

Poor Scartch. Skinny-L is a small private list, of which people here know no more than you do. (Have I failed to tell you that?)

Saying that people here are "well aware of SHIELDS, l-skinny, the MADboard, and FARMS Review" is rather like saying that people here are well aware of Utah, and Molly Frumpington's coat closet in her house on the outskirts of Des Moines, and California, and Arizona.

[_LifeOnaPlate]

It's as if a mere glance at the tables of books is enough to establish the truthfulness of all of Mormonism.

That reminds me: Another thing I find incredibly odd about all three videos is how Kerry repeatedly says, over and over, "Look at all these books! And they say Mormons never read!" or some variation thereof.

Who has ever accused Mormons of not reading or not owning books?? In my experience, no critic has ever made such a claim.

I'm not a critic but sometimes I feel like making such a claim. Does that count?

;)

[_Doctor Steuss]

Yes, you're quite right, Dr. Shades. Come to think of it, I cannot recall having ever been around another group of people who apparently feel the need to repeatedly make mention of all the books they read, or how many books they own, etc. It is almost as if there is a kind of fetishization of books going on---both in the films, and within Mopologetics more generally. And, of course, the actual content of the books seems far less important to Shirts and his ilk that the mere fact that they exist: "Well, hey, there's a book on Book of Mormon geography! Look at that! And it costs eighty-five bucks! The Church is true!"

I like books. They smell good.

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These vids kind of have me bummed that I didn't make it up north (again). Hopefully I will keep my self-promise to make it up that way before year’s end (I just want to eat at Fudruckers).

[_Trevor]

I like books. They smell good.

I like the smell of new books and coffee mingled together. Yum.

[_The Nehor]

Yes, you're quite right, Dr. Shades. Come to think of it, I cannot recall having ever been around another group of people who apparently feel the need to repeatedly make mention of all the books they read, or how many books they own, etc. It is almost as if there is a kind of fetishization of books going on---both in the films, and within Mopologetics more generally. And, of course, the actual content of the books seems far less important to Shirts and his ilk that the mere fact that they exist: "Well, hey, there's a book on Book of Mormon geography! Look at that! And it costs eighty-five bucks! The Church is true!"

I like books. They smell good.

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These vids kind of have me bummed that I didn't make it up north (again). Hopefully I will keep my self-promise to make it up that way before year’s end (I just want to eat at Fudruckers).

You don't have to go North. Here in Texas we have them and we're pretty Southern.

[_cksalmon]

The following was brought to me courtesy of one of my very best "informants":

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=lEaK9s8qcgg

What you are about to see is a rather schlocky video filmed by Kerry "The Backyard Professor" Shirts. The scene is the recent FAIR conference, and your host is none other than Shirts himself, who is sort of like a goofy, avuncular, rather "backwoodsy" version of Captain Kangaroo.

Some highlights worth taking note of:

---At around 1:30 in, we get to meet Juliann Reynolds. I was once told, by a different "informant," that juliann bore a resemblance to "Pat" from the "It's Pat!" sketches on Saturday Night Live. Well, I don't know if I'd put it quite that way. Her eyes do have a rather squinty malice about them, however.
---The bulk of the conference attendees are seriously overweight. I have to wonder why this fact seemed to stand out to me so much. I would estimate that the average blood pressure of the attendees was 165/90. Did they pass out Lisinopril with the refreshments?
---At around 3:45, we get to meet Allen Wyatt. This, apparently, is the slug responsible for the "More Good Foundation," among many other atrocities. Seeing him, it's not hard to understand how and why the "SP Keyes Debacle" came into being. This time around, he is looking puffy and flush over his legal victory against S. Tanner.
---At around 6:00 minutes, "Uncle Kerry" interviews a "high school senior" who is evidently a paragon of LDS scholarship. This poor schlub goes on to note how he single handedly dismantled Charles Larson's scholarship. Of course, he doesn't cite any specific examples, but why should we care about that? And, oddly, for some inexplicable reason, as I watched this segment of the video, the word "Evergreen" kept popping into my mind.

Bottom line: I give this video 1/2 a star (out of four). The production values are pretty poor. Shirts, though he is an enthusiastic host, is also grating after about 30 seconds. The video is full of far too many self-congratulatory moments, with Shirts perpetually mugging for his own camera. Also: I wasn't quite sure why The Backyard Professor seemed to be composing the video as a kind of video "Postcard" for Bill Hamblin. In the end, the impression I am left with is that this is the Mopologetic equivalent of Girls Gone Wild. Instead of the titillation of scantily clad young women and alcohol, these Mopologists seem to get off on the "thrill" of dissing critics, praising themselves for nothing in particular, and holding up carbuncular and wild-eyed young men as avatars of scholarly acumen. A sorry and disappointing effort on the whole.

I think you missed the Real Highlight: the beauty and inherent goodness of interracial marriage:
2:22.

Of course, I say that as a Christian believer in the fact that the Christ's atonement breaks down every ethnic and racial barrier between humans. And that interracial marriage should be celebrated and delighted in.

Secondary highlight: Juliann's daughter really is cute.

Tertiary highlight: Juliann does not have horns. I'd like to have dinner in her general proximity.

cks

[_Mister Scratch]

Well, well. On to "Pt 5 FAIR Conference." In this episode, host Shirts interviews our favorite Mopologist: Prof. P.! What a delight!

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=A00YJa-A ... re=related

DCP is charming as always, with his careful intonation and cello-like voice. Anyhoo, on to the highlights:

---About 40 seconds in, Kerry Shirts says to DCP, "You are paid by the [unintelligible, but sounds like "authorities"], aren't you?" To which DCP replies, "I'm paid vast amounts." (Like $20,000!) He goes on to joke about how he has "platinum bathroom fixtures," and yuks it up with "Scotty Dog" Gordon about how he would like to be given a "night-time" Ferrari.
---1:18, or thereabouts, editor Shirts makes an abrupt jump-cut, and we find DCP in mid-anecdote. In the story, DCP says that he accidentally let slip (by way of re-assurance), "That's why they pay me the big bucks." The other guy apparently said, "Really? How much do they pay you?" DCP goes on to say that it was necessary to "nip that [i.e., the notion that he receives remuneration for apologetics] in the bud real quick." Then he holds up his thumb and finger in a little "zero" sing. Apparently, he forgot about the 20 G's, and the various monies he's gotten for his editorial jobs and whatnot.
---1:50. Shirts gives a shout-out to all of us here at Shady Acres: "I've noticed an interesting trend on---and I'll go ahead and identify it---what're ya gonna do, sue me???---on Shades' messageboards, where there's quite a few folks there who act like com-plete idiots. And, I'm not sure if it's on purpose---I hope it is, because if your doing it in ignorance, you really need to quit." DCP stands behind him, grinning the entire time.
---Just prior to 3:00, DCP declares that all critics who've ever disagreed with him (or who've found him to be disagreeable) "don't understand irony."
---Further on, the conversation digresses into more bizarre awe over books. "How many books are in the BYU library?!?" Kerry Shirts asks, rather incredulously. "3 million," is DCP's very proud reply

In summary: This episode was quite good, up until the point when the conversation derailed into more odd book fetishism. I give it one star (out of four). It is better that the earlier reviewed piece, partly due to the presence of DCP, and partly because of the inadvertent admission as to how important MormonDiscussions.com has become in the world of Mopologetics. It seems that many of the FAIR crowd monitor this board through gritted teeth, laughing nervously about the criticism they find here. Further, I was highly intrigued by the need among DCP, Shirts, and "Scotty Dog" Gordon to laugh off the notion that Mopologists receive payment (hint: they do). They really, really, really seem to desperately need to diffuse such a proposition.

[_Jersey Girl]

Hey Mister Scratch,

Remember in video #1 when Kerry greeted and put his arm around Juliann? Do you think he'd have been so enthusiastic if he'd remembered how she threw him under the bus trying to convince Jersey Girl that he, not her, was the one responsible for the Mr. Itchy debacle?

CFR on the convincing Jersey Girl that Kerry Shirts was responsible for the Mr. Itchy debacle.

What do you have to back that claim?

[_Dr. Shades]

CFR on the convincing Jersey Girl that Kerry Shirts was responsible for the Mr. Itchy debacle.

I said trying to convince.

What do you have to back that claim?

All the PMs you sent me. For example, remember "DD" supposedly being an acronym of "Damn Dumb?"

Anyway, back to the video. For my money, the absolute BEST part of the video was at 9:09 when Kerry yanked some poor elderly man out of his shoes, practically throttled him, then demanded that he "say 'hi' to Bill Hamblin." When the startled man complied, Kerry almost literally tossed him aside, discarding him like yesterday's leftovers.

So, Mister Scratch, I understand that that was Part 5, but why did you skip Part 4?

[_Mister Scratch]

Anyway, back to the video. For my money, the absolute BEST part of the video was at 9:09 when Kerry yanked some poor elderly man out of his shoes, practically throttled him, then demanded that he "say 'hi' to Bill Hamblin." When the startled man complied, Kerry almost literally tossed him aside, discarding him like yesterday's leftovers.

Indeed. Those claiming that Kerry's endless name-dropping of "Bill Hamblin" and "Oxford" is in any way "normal" behavior are completely bonkers, imho.

So, Mister Scratch, I understand that that was Part 5, but why did you skip Part 4?

I actually have been reviewing them out of order. The very first episode I reviewed was number 4. The reason for this is that this was the first episode sent to me by my anonymous "informant", who told me that the people in the film "look pretty lame." Honestly, with a plug like that, how could I *not* click on the link, post-haste?