Of Bishops and Confidences - Letter to Dan Peterson

[_Inconceivable]

To preface, I think we've all missed something important here.

Dan is a Bishop of a young adult ward (Comprising members of roughly 18 to 29 years old). Among other things, Bishops have legal obligations to those that step into his office. Other than a legal mandate that he must inform law enforcement of his knowledge of alleged crimes such as rape, insest and murder, he has a sacred obligation to keep confidences.

Dan,

Let's suppose we were friends and my son was in your ward and he had confessed to you that he had lost his faith. What if he was also masterbating or even having sex with another member, could you give me a call? Even if I threatened you?

What if you were counseling a rape victim? You would certainly be required by law to report the tragic incident to the authorities (via the COB), but would you contact her parents or even her fiance if she happened to be engaged? Why not?

How many justifications could you come up with that would Trump your sacred and even legal obligations to those you have been called to counsel (and receive confessions from)? I'm holding up a zero, here, Dan, and I see you are sporting one too.

These are hypotheticals, of course.

This is my point:

What kind of message are you sending to the sheep you have been called to minister to in your ward? When they see you kicking over someone's laundry basket on a public forum, what does that tell them about the respect you have for their confidences, the covenants you've made and the office you hold?

I shouldn't be the one asking you these questions, your stake president and (because you are a public figure and represent BYU in a small capacity) the board of trusties ought to be asking them (to those unaware, the board is comprised of general authorities of the church).

From a concerned (non-mormon) father with TBM children that currently attend a young adult ward, I have grave concerns about what you are doing to the office that I have always deeply respected (and still do).

I'm posting my letter to you on a public forum because you have made yourself a public figure. Otherwise I would have been respectfully discreet and PM'd you. This isn't about me, Dan, but this is the reason I'm am not particularly fond of you or the founders you attempt to apologise for.

Ultimately, it's up to your leaders (many of them I still respect) as to what they ought to do about you.

yours anonymously,

Inc.

[_Daniel Peterson]

I maintain the confidentiality of the bishop's office absolutely.

I don't believe that internet message boards qualify for priest/penitent protection.

What kind of message are you sending to the sheep you have been called to minister to in your ward? When they see you kicking over someone's laundry basket on a public forum, what does that tell them about the respect you have for their confidences, the covenants you've made and the office you hold?

I've violated no confidences here.

Ultimately, it's up to your leaders (many of them I still respect) as to what they ought to do about you.

You write as if I've committed some sort of crime. I haven't.

I sent a link to GoodK's stepdad so that, if he chose, he could read something posted about himself on a public message board.

You're entirely free to disagree with my action, but it's simply ridiculous to suggest that it was equivalent to publishing confidential information told to a priesthood leader during a private ecclesiastical confession.

[_Inconceivable]

Dan,

No doubt, important people who have your number on speed dial will be calling you for an explanation.

Damage control on your behalf is not their primary concern.

[_Daniel Peterson]

Undergirding the specifications that pertain to everything we've said is a close approximation to reality.

But only if the consistency that you seek can be maintained.

[_harmony]

I maintain the confidentiality of the bishop's office absolutely.

Then you are one of a very small minority. I've heard enough horror stories about BYU bishops (I know your ward isn't a BYU ward, so don't go picking at that minor detail) to never advise a student there to willingly see one.

[_karl61]

since LDS leaders give a lot of talks they need subject matter and unfortunatley things spoken in confidence can be used as a talk at the next week meeting. I already posted many times about the time I went into to see the stake president about twenty years ago and asked for a blessing because I wanted to be better and be like anyone else. The only problem was I needed medication real bad not a blessing but the stories about people being healed I had heard all my life sounded too good to pass up. I told the stake president about what was going on in my life and the things I was facing. The next sunday was stake conference and I heard he got up and talked about a young man who came into see him and told him the problems this young man was facing. He gave enough information that my mom came home laid on the bed and started crying. Later that a week a man at work explained to me that the Stake President got up and talked about a young man that had recently come into his office, asked for a blessing, which he could not figure out why the young man had come in and asked for one. I figured out he gave enough information for my mom to put things together and knew it was me who went in.

[_harmony]

since LDS leaders give a lot of talks they need subject matter and unfortunatley things spoken in confidence can be used as a talk at the next week meeting. I already posted many times about the time I went into to see the stake president about twenty years ago and asked for a blessing because I wanted to be better and be like anyone else. The only problem was I needed medication real bad not a blessing but the stories about people being healed I had heard all my life sounded too good to pass up. I told the stake president about what was going on in my life and the things I was facing. The next sunday was stake conference and I heard he got up and talked about a young man who came into see him and told him the problems this young man was facing. He gave enough information that my mom came home laid on the bed and started crying. Later that a week a man at work explained to me that the Stake President got up and talked about a young man that had recently come into his office, asked for a blessing, which he could not figure out why the young man had come in and asked for one. I figured out he gave enough information for my mom to put things together and knew it was me who went in.

Or how about the mother who told her bishop she'd booted her High Councilman husband out of the house for nonsupport... and got a call from her daughter who was at BYU Idaho, who had first heard about it before the night was out from the bishop's daughter.

[_Yoda]

I maintain the confidentiality of the bishop's office absolutely.

Then you are one of a very small minority. I've heard enough horror stories about BYU bishops (I know your ward isn't a BYU ward, so don't go picking at that minor detail) to never advise a student there to willingly see one.

Unfortunately, this is the case with certain student ward bishops.

From what I know of Dan, I see him as an honorable man, who would honor his calling, and respect the confidentiality that the office requires.

There ARE good bishops out there. Jason Bourne here also comes to mind.

My brothers in law, and my father in law were all excellent bishops. My father also served in the bishopric, and kept many confidences in that capacity. There ARE good men who really do exemplify their calling.

The key word, however, is men. Men aren't perfect. And, unfortunately, anyone can fall short.

I will reiterate that although I disagree with Dan's actions concerning telling GoodK's father about GoodK posting here, I understand his reasoning in doing so, and I think that Dan is an honorable man and bishop.

The comparison that Inc raises is apples to oranges.

[_rcrocket]

As I have plainly stated this week, I will be departing this board. The consequences of participation (a complaint to the state bar by one of you about my debate practices) makes it too costly to be here.

[_Some Schmo]

It's kind of like wondering if it would be right or wrong for your best friend to tell you that you husband is having an affair. Right or wrong?

If you equate an anonymous post with an extramarital affair, it's little wonder you don't see the problem (not to mention the fact that you have serious issues).