The Definitive MADhouse Quote Page.

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_Darth J
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Re: The Definitive MADhouse Quote Page.

Post by _Darth J »

Pa Pa wrote:Someone profits.


Pa Pa wrote:
Darth J wrote:I agree, Pa Pa. Don't you find it disturbing when you aren't allowed to know where the money goes or what it is used for?

I was speaking of this board...if you are asking about the Church...no.


What's your favorite flavor? Black Cherry? Lemon-Lime? Slammin' Strawberry Kiwi?
_Dwight Frye
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Re: The Definitive MADhouse Quote Page.

Post by _Dwight Frye »

Pa Pa wrote:
Darth J wrote:I agree, Pa Pa. Don't you find it disturbing when you aren't allowed to know where the money goes or what it is used for?

I was speaking of this board...if you are asking about the Church...no.


I started out liking Pa Pa. Tried to, anyway. But this... wow. Total douche nozzle.
"Christian anti-Mormons are no different than that wonderful old man down the street who turns out to be a child molester." - Obiwan, nutjob Mormon apologist - Fri Feb 25, 2011 3:25 pm
_emilysmith
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Re: The Definitive MADhouse Quote Page.

Post by _emilysmith »

This is a little opposite to what is up here, but considering all of the crazy things I have read over there, my favorite quotes are nearly all from cinepro. May I present to you:

The Wisdom of Cinepro

On the Course of Debate

1. LDS (making initial claim): "The Book of Mormon is true/ Joseph Smith was a prophet (etc.). You should believe me." (Note: Ideally, initial claim should be defined and specific.)

2. Skeptic: "Why do you think that?"

3. LDS: -lays out varying evidences.

4. Skeptic: -weighs evidences for LDS theory against other possible theories.

5. Skeptic: "I don't find your theory to be the best explanation for the data".

(at this point the LDS can return to step 3, or continue to step 6)

6. LDS: "But if you pray to God, he will answer your prayer" (usually through some kind of warmth/burning/emotional response)

7. Skeptic: "While I acknowledge the response some (including I) may have, it is neither consistent, specific nor reliable enough to bear the burden of your claim."

8. LDS: "Have faith" (meaning, "I can't meet my burden of proof, but please believe my claim anyway.")


On What It Would Take To Believe
I believe the surety of whether something is "true" or not doesn't rest on one piece of evidence or experience. The knowledge only comes piece by piece, question by question, almost like a sculptor chiseling away to reveal his masterpiece. So we don't have one experience or piece of evidence upon which we base our knowledge, we have dozens, or hundreds, or thousands. Different pieces of a puzzle that combine to make a coherent picture. (I'm just crazy with metaphors today).

So, when people ask me "what would it take", I respond that I'm not looking for one piece of evidence. I'm looking for a thousand. It should also be noted that I believe the burden of "proof" rests on the person making the claim, so I need evidence supporting the Church's claims before I will believe.  Â

If the claims of the Book of Mormon were true, we would have every Mesoamerican researcher publishing papers saying "You know, it looks like we have a colony of Christ believing Hebrews here." And over the years, that belief would get more and more evidence, not less. There would be evidences of massive battles and wars of extinction around 400AD, metal plates with odd, egyptian-like writing turning up in digs all over mesoamerica, and vestiges of Biblical beliefs in Adam and Eve, Noah's ark, the tower of babel, and the atonement turning up in central American murals and stelae. And the date of 33AD would be very, very notable for the huge change in population, and a consolidation of beliefs to pure, New Testament Christianity for hundreds of years over the entire proposed Book of Mormon geography. FARMS would publish article after article about how there really were horses and chariots and steel swords back then, instead of explaining why not.

God wouldn't hide Book of Mormon restoration evidences like the breastplate, sword of Laban, and Moroni's stone box.

Modern day spiritual claims would build up to an incredible "evidence"; you would see BYU conducting research breakthroughs in every field that surpass anything else in the world.

LDS artists, authors, filmakers, and musicians would consistently amaze us with creations that surpass the skill of any gentile talent. LDS athletes would be breaking world records right and left, and BYU would have scores of championship trophies in every sport and field; with the priesthood, Holy Ghost, and "health in their navel(s) and marrow to their bones", there just wouldn't be competition.

In every field, church members would show a level of knowledge and understanding that surpasses what could be done without the "Holy Ghost".

Priesthood blessings would work more frequently than a placebo, patriarchal blessings would be more accurate than a $5 palm reading, and faithful church members would never, ever fall for medical, financial or any other kinds of scams, especially after praying about it.

When anyone says something that isn't the Truth in Church (including urban legends and Faith-Promoting Rumor's that aren't true), the whole congragation would know instantly by the spirit.

When a member of the ward is a child molester, or cheating on their spouse, they wouldn't be called to positions of authority; leaders would be especially inspired by the "spirit" to not put a child molester in charge of the blazer scouts.

Our prophets, seers, and revelators would make prophecies that are better and more accurate than Nostradamus, translate the Book of Mormon into other languages with a seer stone instead of the BYU translation department, translate the Book of Joseph so it could be added to the Pearl of Great Price where it should be, and reveal incredible knowledge that will still be consistent with science 200 years from now.

The JST would be used by every Bible scholar, because incredibly, it just gets more things right compared to the ancient manuscripts. And the JST would even be used by the Church, instead of being a footnote to the KJV. Or President Hinckley would finish the JST, and we would take the "translated correctly" part out of the Articles of Faith, because now it is translated correctly.

Official Doctrine wouldn't need to be defined after we know whether or not the Church leader was wrong. It would be clearly stated, without equivocation.


On Horses
Here's where I get lost:

We have the word "horse" appearing several times in the Book of Mormon.


-It appears in the Book as we have it today, because the printer printed it there.

-The printer printed it there, because the printer's manuscript had the word "horse" there.

-The printer's manuscript had the word "horse", because the original manuscript had the word "horse".

-The original manuscript had the word "horse", because Joseph Smith said "horse", and the scribe wrote it down.

-Joseph Smith said "horse" because...?

That's what I want to know. Why did Joseph Smith say "horse" to the scribe?


On Carbon Dating
The more the evidence threatens, the less reliable the carbon dating is.


On Violence
But I find it odd that I'm supposed to read 1 Nephi 4:18 to my kids (not to mention their watching it over and over in animated form), and teach them that sometimes God wants his followers to behead people. Then, I have to act surprised when people who are trying to follow God actually behead someone. And the only difference is that God really did want Nephi to behead Laban, while these kooks in Iraq are being influenced by Satan, but think it's God. Thank goodness we know the difference.


I hope you don't mind me sharing, Mr. Cinepro.
_Buffalo
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Re: The Definitive MADhouse Quote Page.

Post by _Buffalo »

emilysmith wrote:This is a little opposite to what is up here, but considering all of the crazy things I have read over there, my favorite quotes are nearly all from cinepro. May I present to you:

The Wisdom of Cinepro

[SNIP!]

I hope you don't mind me sharing, Mr. Cinepro.

Bravo!
Parley P. Pratt wrote:We must lie to support brother Joseph, it is our duty to do so.

B.R. McConkie, © Intellectual Reserve wrote:There are those who say that revealed religion and organic evolution can be harmonized. This is both false and devilish.
_cinepro
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Re: The Definitive MADhouse Quote Page.

Post by _cinepro »

emilysmith wrote:I hope you don't mind me sharing, Mr. Cinepro.


Wow. Those quotes go way back (probably to 2004 or 2005)! I'm glad you enjoyed them, and thank you for getting them off the site before the change-over.
_cinepro
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Re: The Definitive MADhouse Quote Page.

Post by _cinepro »

One of my all-time favorite posts, from DCP in response to complaints that the Church doesn't teach about "Kolob" like it used to:

You're right, though. When I was a boy, the second Sunday of every month was "Kolob Sunday," when sacrament meeting talks were turned over to contemplation of Kolob and we attended dressed in spacesuits. There were at least thirty or forty hymns in the hymnal dedicated to Kolob. Every fourth year in the Sunday School and seminary curriculum was focused on Kolobology. Our stake used to run a group of observatories up on Mt. Wilson, above the Pasadena area, that we used to search for Kolob, and occasionally we got to go down to the even bigger Kolob-searching facility on Mt. Palomar, jointly run by the stakes near San Diego. But now there's only one rarely-sung hymn left, and we've sold off the observatories.


And perhaps the last "MADhouse" quote for submission: just before the board went down, there was a discussion of polygamy wherein someone brought up D&C 132. Someone made the claim that "only 3 of the 66 verses in D&C 132 actually discussed polygamy".

He was asked several times which three he was referring to, but the board was shut down before he could answer, so now we'll never know... :(

Edit: Never mind, here it is:

dougtheavenger, on 08 January 2011 - 01:46 AM, said:

There are 66 verses in D&C 132 and only 3 discuss polygamy.
_Blixa
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Re: The Definitive MADhouse Quote Page.

Post by _Blixa »

Zakuska wrote:
Zak's peeves:

1) People who divert attention away from failed critques by pointing out grammar or spelling mistakes or resorting to some such other Ad hom attack.
2) Scientist who think their theories are on solid granite. From my observation, The real world tends to be a lot more fluid. (eg. Eggs are bad for you one day, now they aren't anymore. Whats one man to conclude?! )
3) People with double standards who are unwilling to look at their own beleifs with the same ruler they measure others with.

NOTE: Spelling and Grammar corrected,


Apparently the note refers to a change from "grammer" to "grammar" and is not the joke I first took it for...
From the Ernest L. Wilkinson Diaries: "ELW dreams he's spattered w/ grease. Hundreds steal his greasy pants."
_Spurven Ten Sing
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Re: The Definitive MADhouse Quote Page.

Post by _Spurven Ten Sing »

The Sometime Saint on Jesus' church membership:
While I do believe Christ heads this Church I believe Christ is a little bit above belonging to one Church or the other.
"The best website in prehistory." -Paid Actor www.cavemandiaries.com
_Pa Pa
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Re: The Definitive MADhouse Quote Page.

Post by _Pa Pa »

Dwight Frye wrote:I started out liking Pa Pa. Tried to, anyway. But this... wow. Total douche nozzle.

Why did you start out trying. Just pass judgment like most. I am used to being hated.
_stemelbow
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Re: The Definitive MADhouse Quote Page.

Post by _stemelbow »

gramps wrote:Stemelbow wrote, in answer to the question Why do I still feel the Spirit after resigning 3 years ago from the Church?

Who knows? Maybe God's attempting to get you to come back somehow. Maybe you simply did not know/understand the difference between the Spirit and your own emotional responses? Maybe the church is still true but God has a different plan for you in bringing about His great designs? Maybe you're lying? Maybe you think you still feel the same but you haven't realized that which you feel is quite different then what you once felt and termed as the Spirit?


The last sentence is the real winner. What a terrible situation to be in. How would you know if you were in it? or not?


peppity pep. I'm glad I was quoted here. (stumbled upon the board during that whole change-over).

Funny you should ask..and goodI'm here to answer (wait till you hear my answer 'cause that "good" is tongue in cheek).

Don't get me wrong here, i believe the Spirit of God works upon the individual sole. I believe it, baby. My heart and life is set on it. But that doesn't mean it ain't confusin'. I readily admit that my attirbutions to the Spirit at any time can very well be, at any ol' time, me attributing to the Spirit something that ain't even from the Spirit. Its simply not easy to tell the diff. I ain't far off from that very sitch at any given time, I admit, and, to boot it past ya, I ain't ever much beyond a stones throw from that place.

love ya tons,
stem
Love ya tons,
Stem


I ain't nuttin'. don't get all worked up on account of me.
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