"Are you on your period or something?" and other sexist remarks

[Res Ipsa]

OK, I'll stop stepping on your toes, but only if you ask nicely, never hurt my feelings, and never point out to me that I'm stepping on your toes. And, anyway, it's your fault for sliding your sandal clad foot under my steel toed boot.

[Lem]

And for the above, a performative Tl:Dr:

OK, I'll stop stepping on your toes, but only if you ask nicely, never hurt my feelings, and never point out to me that I'm stepping on your toes. And, anyway, it's your fault for sliding your sandal clad foot under my steel toed boot.

[Analytics]

i agree with you, that is terrible. No matter how much abuse one has endured, things like that are inexcusable.

She didn't say it diectly to you thougj, did she? Unlike your comment directly to me, asking if i was on my period, right? (oh, wait, no, you had a REASON for saying that to me. Well, so did she. Even though she didn't say it TO and ABOUT you. But that doesn't excuse her! but then your reason for what you said TO and ABOUT me specifically shouldn't excuse you either! to be fair, right? )

My point was more modest than that. I simply mean to suggest that this quote of hers should not be mined and taken out of context to depict her as a monster. That same courtesy ought to be granted to everybody. Even to Schmo.

by the way, have you read any of Res Ipsa's posts on this thread? he has posted some interesting things that relate to this issue.

I have and I agree.

For me, personally, i would never say anything like that, no matter how many men call me a cunt....

Believe it or not, men have been insensitive and occasionally downright cruel to me, too. So have women.

You hold both this forum in general and me personally to high standards. I genuinely appreciate that. I think it is a great ideal for this to be a haven and refuge from the sexist sh!t you've been forced to endure in the real world. Even though I think we should all be forgiving, genuinely bad behavior shouldn't be tolerated. Especially here. Especially mine. No excuses.

That said, as I've carefully read all of the posts on this thread, I can't help but wonder if your sensitivity to sexism has come at the expense of specificity, and at least on occasion, you see and call out sexism when it really isn't there. I'm not saying this as a way to parse and justify saying things that really shouldn't be said. Nor am I trying to change the subject away from your tender feelings to those of men. I'm simply wondering if your zero-tolerance policy for sexism has occasionally led to some false positives.

Granted, I find living in a man's world quite congenial and don't need a refuge from it. But still, it would be nice to be able to post here without being afraid I'll be labeled a sexist for saying things like "Does that make sense?" or for pointing out that the age/sex distribution of full-time missionaries has changed over time, or for saying that it is impossible for a man to understand exactly how a woman feels without being a woman.

[Some Schmo]

That said, as I've carefully read all of the posts on this thread, I can't help but wonder if your sensitivity to sexism has come at the expense of specificity, and at least on occasion, you see and call out sexism when it really isn't there. I'm not saying this as a way to parse and justify saying things that really shouldn't be said. Nor am I trying to change the subject away from your tender feelings to those of men. I'm simply wondering if your zero-tolerance policy for sexism has occasionally led to some false positives.

I admire your generosity.

[Lem]

I can't help but wonder if your sensitivity to sexism has come at the expense of specificity, and at least on occasion, you see and call out sexism when it really isn't there.

Of course.

Granted, I find living in a man's world quite congenial and don't need a refuge from it.

That could certainly be the reason you don’t see the sexism.

But still, it would be nice to be able to post here without being afraid I'll be labeled a sexist for saying things like "Does that make sense?"

I am with you on that. I would love to post here without being afraid to be labeled as someone who sees sexism when it’s not there, IN A THREAD WHERE THE TITLE CONTAINS A SEXIST SLUR I RECEIVED HERE.

But, let’s talk about your problem. I would suggest that you avoid responding to a woman with “are you on your period?” when you actually mean “does that make sense?” and you’ll do just fine.

[Some Schmo]

[Res Ipsa]

From time to time my wife and I misgender our daughter. She and her brother diligently call our attention to it every time. We don’t explain about how difficult it is to switch pronouns after a decade and a half of use. We don’t respond by accusing them of calling us evil transphobia, we don’t point out how rude it is to interrupt us, we don’t explain that we’d do better if she’d just dress a little bit girly, we don’t tell them to lighten up — we’re doing our best.

We just say “thanks” or “sorry” and move on.

So, why is it that men flip out when women point out sexist language? It’s not just here — it’s everywhere. Seriously, men tend to react as if they’ve seen their name in NYT headline announcing that they are pedophiles. Why such a strong reaction?

[Lem]

From time to time my wife and I misgender our daughter. She and her brother diligently call our attention to it every time. We don’t explain about how difficult it is to switch pronouns after a decade and a half of use. We don’t respond by accusing them of calling us evil transphobia, we don’t point out how rude it is to interrupt us, we don’t explain that we’d do better if she’d just dress a little bit girly, we don’t tell them to lighten up — we’re doing our best.

We just say “thanks” or “sorry” and move on.

So, why is it that men flip out when women point out sexist language? It’s not just here — it’s everywhere. Seriously, men tend to react as if they’ve seen their name in NYT headline announcing that they are pedophiles. Why such a strong reaction?

Good for your daughter, and your son!!!

Sometimes I wonder if my policy here of calling out only the absolutely most egregious sexist expressions is helping anyone. I comment on maybe 1 out of every 4 or 5 times I see it happen, and the times I don't it's because I am trying to avoid just what is happening in this thread from a few- the name calling, the condescending and abusive language, the demeaning assumption (invariably) that I "see sexism everywhere."

It's demoralizing to realize that when a woman stands up for herself, there are still plenty of people ready to shoot her down, and unfortunately they are some of the same people who have happily chatted with her in the past, as long as she kept her mouth shut about the sexism.

But, am I setting a good example for your son and daughter? Maybe not. Maybe the more pushback I get now, the less they may have in the future. It's a tough world. Thanks to those of you who have been supportive in this thread.

[Jersey Girl]

It's demoralizing to realize that when a woman stands up for herself, there are still plenty of people ready to shoot her down, and unfortunately they are some of the same people who have happily chatted with her in the past, as long as she kept her mouth shut about the sexism.

Same.

[Some Schmo]

You people have your heads up your asses.