The unnatural sex practices of the Mormon people

[_Buffalo]

[Mrs. Buffalo and I both felt guilty for having plain old vanilla sex on our honeymoon.

Why? That's really weird. What was wrong with you?

I was a believing Mormon, raised with the unhealthy ideas about sex that are taught to the youth.

Sometimes I'm not sure that she doesn't still feel guilty about having sex. I should ask her.

Why? That's really weird. What is wrong with her?

She is a believing Mormon, raised with the unhealthy ideas about sex that are taught to the youth.

On the Mormon Expression podcast about women's sexuality, someone made the point that the young women have it drilled into their heads so much that they can't lose control (& that they're responsible for not only their own virtue but for the good behavior of the men they date) , that when they're finally married they often can't enjoy sex or have orgasms - because to do that they need to relax and give up all that control.

We don't have these issues in our marriage. Although I admit that the intimate relationship in a marriage evolves over time. Everyone who has been chaste before marriage is going to go through a period of "learning" after they're married. What? Do you think people who have premarital sex do it perfectly first time and every time? I find that hard to believe. I think all premarital sex does is shift the learning process to a time and place where one is more than likely too young to deal with those kinds of passions and emotions, and with someone who is not committed to the relationship. Odds are that going that route just makes it harder to eventually be successful in a marriage, what with all the baggage and bad memories, etc.

There was a great article on CNN.com yesterday: The Joy of Comfort Sex. I don't endorse the whole thing, but I thought it had a lot of good things to say.

Any married couple, LDS or otherwise, who is still having martial intimacy problems after a year or two of marriage needs to go see a marriage counselor. I reject the idea that there is something in LDS teachings that gets in the way of marital intimacy. In fact, I think avoiding premarital sex and remaining faithful in marriage is the best recipe for successful marital intimate relationships.

Maybe you just never took the church's teachings on sexuality seriously.

[_Buffalo]

The message that the youth get is that sex is practically the most dirty, filthy evil thing ever - especially if they ever read the Miracle of Forgiveness. It's the sin next to murder. You grow up believing that, and then in after all that fear/shame based indoctrination suddenly it's "okay, you can have sex now." But often the guilt remains because you've been taught a very dysfunctional view of human sexuality.

[_Nomad]

I was a believing Mormon, raised with the unhealthy ideas about sex that are taught to the youth.

I missed the "unhealthy ideas" I guess. I just stuck with the "wait until marriage" part. Worked out well for us.

She is a believing Mormon, raised with the unhealthy ideas about sex that are taught to the youth.

I missed the "unhealthy ideas" I guess. I just stuck with the "wait until marriage" part. Worked out well for us.

Maybe you just never took the church's teachings on sexuality seriously.

I took them very seriously. I refrained from premarital sex, as did my wife. But I never got the idea that sex was bad, per se. Only that it was something very, very good that you saved for someone you married worthily in the temple. Worked out well for us.

Sorry it hasn't for you.

Have you tried marriage counseling? It sounds like you're a good candidate for it. What with all those hangups you're carrying around.

[_Runtu]

You lost your faith because your marriage relationship is messed up in some way?

Did you try marriage counseling? Or did you just go straight to "the church caused this problem. Heck with the church!"

I think he was offended, or sinned, or something. Maybe it was milk strippings.

It shouldn't be surprising that someone who came to believe that the church was an unhealthy influence on his marriage would begin to question other things.

[_Nomad]

The message that the youth get is that sex is practically the most dirty, filthy evil thing ever ...

I reject this statement.

Is this what your parents taught you? If so, they have problems and did you wrong. I'm sorry about that. Really.

Try marriage counseling. It just might help.

[_Nomad]

You lost your faith because your marriage relationship is messed up in some way?

Did you try marriage counseling? Or did you just go straight to "the church caused this problem. Heck with the church!"

I think he was offended, or sinned, or something. Maybe it was milk strippings.

It shouldn't be surprising that someone who came to believe that the church was an unhealthy influence on his marriage would begin to question other things.

Stop stalking me from thread to thread, Mr. Milk Strippings.

[_Nomad]

-

[_zeezrom]

Nomad,

It started me on a path. For the first time, I asked the question, "How is it that a non-Mormon professional can help us with something that the church and it's God cannot?"

Looking back, the question might be a little naïve. However, it was enough to give me the courage to ask more questions, such as, "Is it possible Joseph Smith made it up?" I never dared ask such a question before all that.

Also, I learned something amazing that month: women might possibly be exactly like men, in spirit. In other words, what if spirit knew not gender differences. Have you ever looked at women with that POV? It causes amazing changes.. At least it did for me. Changed me forever. The epiphany of a lifetime.

[_Runtu]

My two cents: there are a lot of conflicting messages about sexuality in the church. Yes, there's this notion that in marriage it can be and should be beautiful and loving. On the other hand, there's so much emphasis on controlling thoughts and actions that some people go through their youth with a ton of guilt. And sadly, the guilt can persist into a marriage and cause some serious hangups.

So, no, the church's teachings are not all positive or all negative. The key, in my view, is for a husband and wife to talk, to explore together, to compromise, to give, and to build a healthy relationship together.

[_Runtu]

Stop stalking me from thread to thread, Mr. Milk Strippings.

Well done. That made me laugh.