Top 10 Resolutions for Nemesis--2012

[_Everybody Wang Chung]

1.Ask my barber to cut hair a little more like Hitler's.

2. Stop constantly wondering to myself what sex with Cher would be like.

3. Learn what the hell "resolution" means.

4. Always wear clean underwear, just in case.

5. I resolve to work with abused and neglected children—my own.

6. I will never again take a sleeping pill and a laxative on the same night.

7.Stop telling chicks that Prince's song "Raspberry Beret" is actually about me.

8. Stop dropping pants at MAD board meetings whenever someone says, "Where's the beef?"

9. Read less books. A little learning is a dangerous thing. Too much of it can really wreck your head.

10.Find out why my online correspondence course on “Internet Mail Fraud” that I purchased never showed up.

[_It occurs to me . . .]

These are great. After reading Nemesis' lame attempt at humor, it's obvious why everything over there is so dry. They banned all the funny people!

[_Yoda]

ROTFLMAO!!!

Awesome list!

[_Bob Loblaw]

Great list. Much better than the real one from Nemesis. Let's hope he or she has a good day job.