Dishonesty under different beliefs

[_quark]

While visiting with bishops at least twice per year for 20 years, I was asked the question, "Is there anything that hasn't been cleared up that needs to be discussed now?"

Every time I was asked that question, I believed the answer to be "Yes". I said "No." every time, while believing that was a lie. Looking back, I'm no longer concerned that I had any issues that needed to be divulged. But the point is that I believed differently back then and lied about it. No matter what I believe today, the fact remains that I lied for 20 years.

Even worse, my dear wife believed that I was telling the truth to the bishop as well. If I had divulged everything to the bishop, there is a good chance my TR would be delayed at least for a couple months. By lying to the bishop about my worthiness, I was also being dishonest with my wife.

I just can't clear my mind of this.

What do you think? Can lies just vaporize once you realize the question is no longer valid per my current beliefs?

[_Drifting]

Depends on the lie.

"Honey, does my bum look big in this?"
The only answer to this question is:
"No, you look gorgeous."

If it's not too personal, what did you lie about?

[Guest]

...

[_quark]

Well, the funny thing is my wife knows about my misdeeds. During the process of losing my religion, we talked about pretty much everything.

Even though my wife and I have come to an understanding about everything, it doesn't change the fact that I lied to these men for 20 years. It also doesn't change the fact that I was not the Peter Priesthood that she thought I was.

I almost feel like I need to go back to these bishops and say, "Yes, there is more!"

[_Drifting]

Well, the funny thing is my wife knows about my misdeeds. During the process of losing my religion, we talked about pretty much everything.

Even though my wife and I have come to an understanding about everything, it doesn't change the fact that I lied to these men for 20 years. It also doesn't change the fact that I was not the Peter Priesthood that she thought I was.

I almost feel like I need to go back to these bishops and say, "Yes, there is more!"

If your wife is okay with it then quit beating yourself up.

[_quark]

Well, if she had found out while we believed, it would have been devastating. I got a free pass on the divulge to wife part. Rather than divulge to a tbm wife, I divulged to an apostate wife.

I guess I am beating myself up for nothing here. It's just this whole lying business that gets me. The "sins" are nothing but hot air. Maybe the bishops would have let me keep the TR. Maybe it wouldn't have a big deal at all to them. But the fact is, I wasn't honest for many years. Deep down, I believed my answer should be "Yes" but I always said "no".

[_quark]

I'm also curious to know whether my TR renewal would be delayed for the sins I never divulged. When I get more time, I will post the juicies!

[_Bob Loblaw]

I'm also curious to know whether my TR renewal would be delayed for the sins I never divulged. When I get more time, I will post the juicies!

You need to stop obsessing about the past (which the church has taught you to do). It's over and done with and your wife knows everything. Let it go.

[_quark]

You need to stop obsessing about the past (which the church has taught you to do). It's over and done with and your wife knows everything. Let it go.

Why could't I just have a happy religious life, Bob? Why do I look at my time with religion as a life filled with a giant lie? Why can't I look back and see the spiritual feasts and wrestlings with angels? My religious experience was dark. There were times I didn't feel like continuing, wishing I was never born.

Your right though. I need to leave the past behind.

[_Bob Loblaw]

Why could't I just have a happy religious life, Bob? Why do I look at my time with religion as a life filled with a giant lie? Why can't I look back and see the spiritual feasts and wrestlings with angels? My religious experience was dark. There were times I didn't feel like continuing, wishing I was never born.

Your right though. I need to leave the past behind.

The dirty little secret is that Mormonism taught you to lie. Honesty in the church brings shame and punishment, so most Mormons lie and go on with their lives. That it bothers you says something about your character, but you did what the circumstances required.