I have been tapped to announce Cassius University's new research initiative in the exciting area of health and Mopologetics. As many of you know, Doctor Scratch has been a real trailblazer in his psychological approach to the connection between missionary trauma and longterm obsessive apologetic disorder (LOAD). Doubtless his research in this important area will continue to increase our understanding of the causes of chronic Mopologetics.
The new emphasis on STEM and the competitiveness of obtaining grants, however, recommend to us the advisability of seeking possible contributing physical factors to Mopologetics. Sure, historical trauma explains a lot, but could it be that there are other behaviors that trigger these latent tendencies and transform them into a chronic condition? What can we do for these poor souls who suffer so?
We are now accepting applications for a fellowship to pursue research into the connection between excessive sugar consumption and Mopologetics. As many of you know, Utah leads the nation in sugar consumption. As though the fact that most processed foods are jam-packed with corn syrup were not bad enough, Utahns far outstrip the rest of the nation in buying and consuming sugary treats. Experts attribute this not only to the high population of children, but also to religion. Mormons abuse sugar.
See this article.
Sugar is highly addictive and it wreaks havoc with our cognition and emotions. The temporary high of a sugar rush can lead to a near manic state. Blogging apologists may go on posting sprees, posting multiple short, "drive by" posts in a single day. When the crash comes, as it inevitably does, the mood darkens, anger grows, and sometimes paranoia begins to set in. An apologist may ask, "Who are my enemies?," or, "What are they saying about me now?" This feeds a cycle of manic posting that sets in once a new "hit" of sweet, sweet sugar is procured and consumed.
For the toxicity and addictiveness of sugar, see this article.
Is sugar worse for you than, say, cocaine? According to a 2012 article in the journal Nature, it's a toxic substance that should be regulated like tobacco and alcohol.
Until our research is completed and new treatments are implemented, we recommend that our Mopologist friends cautiously investigate the faith-oriented "Daniel Plan" website's offering on the subject of sugar addiction in order to seek relief in the short term: http://danielplan.com/healthyhabits/sugaraddiction/
For the rest of you, LDS or non-LDS, we ask that you step in and intervene. Don't let your Mopologist loved ones near a computer, tablet, or smartphone when they are on a sugar "bender." We all have to work together to fight this serious problem.