Never-Mormon Only Thread!

[_Bret Ripley]

I can assure the Committee that I am not now, nor have I ever been, a member of the LDS church.

So you say. And would you have the Committee believe it is mere coincidence that your handle is an anagram of "CTR as oh snap?" o_O

[_Jersey Girl]

I can assure the Committee that I am not now, nor have I ever been, a member of the LDS church.

So you say. And would you have the Committee believe it is mere coincidence that your handle is an anagram of "CTR as oh snap?" o_O

Oh wow. Apparently since the thread started a committee, I mean The Committee has been formed and we have to dish up our Never bonafides. Okay, I'll go first.

1. Baptized Presbyterian as an infant.
2. Attended a non-denominational (Protestant, okay?) church, then baptized by immersion. By a Pastor.
3. Married a Catholic. (No, I didn't convert, women have rights too.)
4. Attended Protestant and Catholic military chapels all over the world, not every week.
5. Joined a Southern Baptist Church.
6. Left the Southern Baptist Church.
7. Currently a member of my own little church in the woods.

:-)

Was The Committee appointed in secret or something? Who gave anyone permission to build in infrastructure?

I didn't get a vote on that!

[_Jersey Girl]

For The Committee:

1. Can I continue to drink caffeinated tea? (I'm doing it *right* now)
2. How many holes can I have in my head ears?
3. Do I need to throw my tank tops away? (They're Eddie Bauer, people!)
4. Am I allowed to go raw Vegan?
5. Do I have to go around visiting everyone in the group? If so, will The Committee pay my airfare?
6. Can I still practice Yoga?
7. Do I have to pay dues? If so, kick me out right now.


Respectfully,

Jersey Girl

[_Jersey Girl]

Ceeboo,

I really need answers to the above and just be careful what those answers are. I might form my own splinter thread!

[_Chuck Finley]

Another NeverMo checking in

[_Always Changing]

As self-appointed arbiter of all that is never-mo, I can answer your questions.

For The Committee:

1. Can I continue to drink caffeinated tea? (I'm doing it *right* now)So long as you also drink coffee.
2. How many holes can I have in my head ears? You can turn your ears into sieves, and gauge the entire outside edge, If you want.
3. Do I need to throw my tank tops away? (They're Eddie Bauer, people!)You are required to have at least five in your closet. They are convenient for layering in the winter, too.
4. Am I allowed to go raw Vegan?By all means. It is what one says that defiles the person, not what one puts in their mouth.
5. Do I have to go around visiting everyone in the group? If so, will The Committee pay my airfare? Not yet, we have to build the funds in order to assist those who are in need. We may have to use collections of mylar balloons to get such a project going in great volume. I will get a revolving loan fund set up, and you will ALL be grateful, or else.
6. Can I still practice Yoga? Certainly.
7. Do I have to pay dues? If so, kick me out right now. All dues will be used for charity.


Respectfully,

Jersey Girl

[_Ceeboo]

Hi Jersey Girl!

Unfortunately, "Always Changing" should not have answered these questions. He/she has no priesthood authority - thus no keys - and he/she has not been called and sustained by the Never-Mo community to be followed.

Please disregard each and every one of his/her answers as he/she has no authority - at all.

1. Can I continue to drink caffeinated tea? (I'm doing it *right* now)

No - If you're going to be a part of the "chosen people" (The Never-Mo's) you must refrain form such destructive behavior - repent and leave these caffeinated teas to the sinners.

2. How many holes can I have in my head ears?

You must limit your holes to one. The one hole can be no bigger than a grain of sand and you can never wear anything in the hole that is red in color. If you choose to wear a hat, you can have a rock in it while it is upon your head.

3. Do I need to throw my tank tops away? (They're Eddie Bauer, people!)

They must be burned! Do not throw them away, as innocent children and/or other Never-Mormons might find them and be tempted.

4. Am I allowed to go raw Vegan?

You are allowed to grow raw Vegan but in doing so, you must save 1/2 of all that is grown and place it in food storage.

5. Do I have to go around visiting everyone in the group? If so, will The Committee pay my airfare?

The group will have mandatory meeting on the second Thursday of each month. These meeting will be held in the Burger King parking lot in downtown SLC. Each member is responsible for their own expenses to get there.

6. Can I still practice Yoga?

If you do not want to be a part of Never-Mormon flock - yes, you may practice Yoga. Yoga, in all forms, is strictly prohibited within the Never-Mormon D&C as well as the WOW!

7. Do I have to pay dues? If so, kick me out right now.

Very well, You're out!

Peace,
Ceeboo

[_Roger]

No - If you're going to be a part of the "chosen people" (The Never-Mo's) you must refrain form such destructive behavior - repent and leave these caffeinated teas to the sinners.

I boldly stand and bear witness to Prez. Ceeb's great insight and wisdom. (Unless this ban extends to Dr. Pepper. If so, Houston, we have a problem. Just sayin' ).

[_Always Changing]

Hi Jersey Girl!

Unfortunately, "Always Changing" should not have answered these questions. He/she has no priesthood authority - thus no keys - and he/she has not been called and sustained by the Never-Mo community to be followed.

Splinter formed. As the leader of my flock, I declare that penislessness is a prerequisite for the priesthood among nevermos.

[_Maureen]

Unfortunately, "Always Changing" should not have answered these questions. He/she has no priesthood authority - thus no keys - and he/she has not been called and sustained by the Never-Mo community to be followed.

I can't imagine why the Never-Mormon club would require priesthood authority. I think our authority exists because of non-priesthood abilities.

M.