consiglieri wrote:Earlier this month, my wife got a call from a sister in the ward announcing she is my wife's new visiting teacher, and asking if she could come over and visit.
This is a lady my wife has "known" for years but has never said a single word to her at church or otherwise.
My wife told this sister that she is welcome to come to the house to visit, but that my wife didn't really want to talk about church stuff.
The sister expressed mild surprise over this.
My wife told the sister she must be aware that we haven't been to church for a year and a half.
The sister said she was not aware of this.
My wife expressed mild surprise over this . . .
Mormon's, like work colleagues, are consumed by their own needs and difficulties. Interaction with others comes out of necessity - they need you to do something, they need something from you etc, rather than from a desire to be collegiate. Members are busy managing their own lives and will interact with other members (who aren't family) on the same basis - they need you to do something, they need something from you (in the case of your wife's VT she is a tick in a box on a report that will make the VY feel less guilty about herself).
It is interesting (and disappointing) to find out who values you for you. When falling away from the Church I could count on the thumb of one hand the number of non-family members who maintained an interest in unconditional friendship. I have to say exactly the same of my immediate family, whose relationship with me became much colder and more distant when I was having nothing to do with Church.
Members now only speak to me when they want something, or want to feel better about themselves.
And, now that 'No' is a comfortable response for me to give, I'm okay with that. I'm okay with it because I don't put any effort into maintaining contact either. So I'm not complaining. I'm not apportioning blame to members, it's a 50/50 thing. I'm pointing out that my relationship with non-family Church members was solely around an interaction similar to a work colleague. Once I didn't 'work' there any longer there was no need of a relationship with any of those 'colleagues' nor them with me.