Head, Shoulders, Knees, and "Oh!": The Afore's Dark BYU Basement Mystery

[Everybody Wang Chung]

Folks, you just can't make this stuff up. Over at a blog populated by a small claque of crazies, the Afore recounts a story from 60 years ago when he was an undergraduate and had an encounter in a dark BYU basement. Obviously this "incident" made a powerful impression and 60 years later the Afore is able to recount, in remarkable detail, his basement encounter. What's also strange is that the Afore's encounter reads more like a confession, like he has been carrying around a great deal of guilt over this incident.

The Afore sets the stage in a dark basement, while he is looking for furniture. The Afore then encounters an object at waist level. He doesn't just bump into it and apologize. No, he tells us, "I took my time with my hands." He feels the head. He feels the neck. He feels the shoulders. He is, by his own admission, "puzzled" but remarkably he continues a very thorough manual investigation of this mystery man.

The Afore is shocked that the man doesn't say anything. "Why didn't it respond? Shouldn't it have at least told me to leave him alone?" Indeed. If you are kneeling in the dark and a stranger starts massaging your neck and shoulders, the standard response is rarely continued silence. Unless, of course, both parties have a very clear, unspoken understanding of what is actually happening.

The Afore's conclusion that this was a student in a state of prayer so deep it transcended the physical sensation of a stranger’s hands on his head, neck and shoulders is, shall we say, an interesting conclusion, certainly. The Afore then claims he grabbed the bookcase and left. It’s a tidy ending. The Afore and the mystery man never spoke of it again.

Folks, the truth of what happened in that Provo basement remains shrouded in darkness, but one thing is clear, some memories are etched in the heart and others, apparently, are etched in the palms of the hands.

[I Have Questions]

Peterson groped a person in the dark, and continued to grope them once he realised it was a person, despite not being able to establish if the person was male or female? And subsequently didn’t apologise to that person for so doing? And throughout it all the person remained silent, unresponsive, and didn’t react at all? Even after Peterson turned on the light and carted a bookcase back through the basement?

[Marcus]

Or someone majoring in homemaking left a sewing mannequin torso in the basement and the story evolved.

[Everybody Wang Chung]

Peterson groped a person in the dark, and continued to grope them once he realised it was a person, despite not being able to establish if the person was male or female? And subsequently didn’t apologise to that person for so doing? And throughout it all the person remained silent, unresponsive, and didn’t react at all? Even after Peterson turned on the light and carted a bookcase back through the basement?

Yes, it's hard to believe, but I have no reason to think Peterson would lie.

[Marcus]

Peterson groped a person in the dark, and continued to grope them once he realised it was a person, despite not being able to establish if the person was male or female? And subsequently didn’t apologise to that person for so doing? And throughout it all the person remained silent, unresponsive, and didn’t react at all? Even after Peterson turned on the light and carted a bookcase back through the basement?

Yes, it's hard to believe, but I have no reason to think Peterson would lie.

[Tom]

I took my time with my hands.

That’s unfortunate phrasing. (I understand that the BYU library places books containing similar verbiage in a locked case.) I strongly recommend that the Proprietor remove or heavily edit this sentence before he publishes the story for the public to read.

Like others, I am left wondering why the young Proprietor did not say a word during his physical encounter with another BYU student.

To be candid, I haven’t read anything so curious from the Proprietor since a friend called my attention to a recent post of his titled “Memories of President Jeffrey R. Holland.” (The Proprietor’s breathless account of muttering an apocryphal Galileo saying in defiance of an oppressive BYU administrator (unnamed by the Proprietor but easily identified) and then denying he said anything is quite revealing. Truly a Galileo event.)

[Doctor Steuss]

As far as basement stories go, on a scale from 1 to Joseph Bishop, I give the story a solid 6.5. Room for improvement, but would read again.

[Rivendale]

As far as basement stories go, on a scale from 1 to Joseph Bishop, I give the story a solid 6.5. Room for improvement, but would read again.

Maybe it was Joseph Bishop's antagonist McKenna Denson.

[Gadianton]

I haven't read the actual account, but it's quite like the many accounts of supernatural manifestations that happen in basements or dark corridors. Seems like one or more movies from the 70s about evil statues that come to life. Was there any suggestion it might have been a demon? I'm thinking, like, "Oh I'm pretty sure it was somebody just praying" giving himself an out while the setup urges a supernatural interpretation.

Like, "oh man, I saw this black triangle a mile wide float over my neighborhood making no sound. I watched it hover house-by-house for a good twenty seconds before shooting off. Ah, probably just a reflection in the window."

[Everybody Wang Chung]

I haven't read the actual account, but it's quite like the many accounts of supernatural manifestations that happen in basements or dark corridors. Seems like one or more movies from the 70s about evil statues that come to life. Was there any suggestion it might have been a demon? I'm thinking, like, "Oh I'm pretty sure it was somebody just praying" giving himself an out while the setup urges a supernatural interpretation.

Like, "oh man, I saw this black triangle a mile wide float over my neighborhood making no sound. I watched it hover house-by-house for a good twenty seconds before shooting off. Ah, probably just a reflection in the window."

Reading the Afore's story, I was fully prepared for an exorcism, and I kept waiting for the Afore to raise his arm to the square and cast out the demon. You can imagine my confusion when the ending wasn't a deliverance from evil, but a massage that took a decidedly semi-erotic turn. I guess you could even say the Afore's story had a "happy ending."