Why do you Make Bad Choices?

[_moksha]

As I look at my mistakes or poor choices I would say nearly all of them occurred when I either:

1. Trusted someone who was not trustworthy.

2. Believed things that were not true.

3. Was in a poor emotional state when the decision was made.

4. Was not well informed about the consequences of the decision.

Any thoughts, insights, or words of wisdom?

:-)

~dancer~

Yeah, this looks like a checklist for the human condition. I scored 4.

[_The Nehor]

I would add fear, complacency, anger, and stupidity but those might fall under emotional states.

[_Moniker]

I would add fear, complacency, anger, and stupidity but those might fall under emotional states.

I always make my most horrid mistakes when I'm in emotional turmoil. That's why, I try to not make them when I'm in that state.

It's always something I regret later. Wanting to retaliate against a perceived wrong is something very knee jerk. I work very hard to recognize when I'm in that state and calm myself. Usually after the anger recedes I am thankful I took no action. I'm trying to give myself slack considering some of the recent strain I've been under. I do judge myself harshly for any poor choices I made -- especially if they somehow were retaliatory in nature. All I can do is recognize I do this and temper this temptation. I've actually gotten quite better at it lately. But, recognizing that sometimes I act poorly even though I sincerely desire NOT to lets me view others poor behavior as perhaps they too struggle? I can relate to others that are "good" people and recognize that they too can act poorly when they too are confronted with emotional turmoil.

Trying to keep my zen.

Ommmmm

[_truth dancer]

Where does acceptance of personal responsibility factor in? I ask because if the factors for poor choice are external, then what power do we have to prevent ourselves from making poor choices in the future.

Also, at least for me, one of the reasons I have made poor choices, and knowingly repeated poor choices, is because I was getting a short-term pay-off for making the choices.

Thanks, -Wade Englund-

Hi Wade... :-)

How does personal responsibility factor in? What do you think? ;-)

in my opinion, choices do not always equal decisions. In other words, we often act without a conscious awareness of a decision (and the ramifications and consequences of those behavior). I think most people do their best to manage life, but are often poorly informed, at times in an unhealthy needy/emotional state, or lacking the skills, knowledge, understanding to make great healthy decisions.

Having said this, of course we must take responsibility for our lives. in my opinion, this does not mean we can't understand the reasons for poor choices, or the dynamics involved in those poor choices. We do not need to criticize each other and ourselves for mistakes but acknowledge that life is about learning and growing and expanding our hearts and minds.

To me, ultimately it means we judge less, knowing that there is more to the story than just stupid, evil, bad people who do not know how to manage life; it means that we move to a place where we help each other rather than condemn and criticize each other for poor choices. And, we recognizing that the human journey is not always an easy one.

In terms of the future choices, I think it is crucial to understand why we make poor choices in order to make better ones. For me, for a few examples, I have learned not to trust people so easily. To not make decisions while grieving or otherwise feeling less than emotionally strong. I've learned to become much better informed prior to making decisions. More than anything I have learned to listen to my gut. :-)


~dancer~

[_truth dancer]

Hi Nehor,

I would add fear, complacency, anger, and stupidity but those might fall under emotional states.

My list was not necessarily meant to be all inclusive... those were just the main four reasons I have made poor choices.

Certainly others may have additional reasons for their poor choices, and perhaps not have my particular propensities. :-)

I think for each of us, it is important to identify the specific dynamics that result in poor choices so as to make better choices in the future.

~dancer~

[_beastie]

Where does acceptance of personal responsibility factor in? I ask because if the factors for poor choice are external, then what power do we have to prevent ourselves from making poor choices in the future.

Also, at least for me, one of the reasons I have made poor choices, and knowingly repeated poor choices, is because I was getting a short-term pay-off for making the choices.

Understanding the "why" behind poor decisions does not absolve personal responsibility for those decisions.

It is important to understand the "why" in order to do better in the future. If we recognize that we tend to have clouded judgment when in a state of emotional turmoil, then perhaps the next time we're in a state of emotional turmoil, we'll postpone serious decisions for later.

[_beastie]

I would say the worst decision I ever made was to marry my exhusband. Although I don't exactly regret that decision, because it led to the birth of my three children, whom I adore, but there's no denying it was a very bad decision. I believed several things that weren't true at the time. I believed the LDS church was the "one true church" and that I should marry someone else who shared that belief, first and foremost. Living in an area of the country where there are very few Mormons, that drastically limited my dating pool. I also believed that God wanted me to get married and have children, and I would not be completely fulfilled in life until I did so. This was not a natural belief or desire that I had previously had, so I was, in essence, accepting a life script that someone else had written. And last, I believed that God would tell me if it were right or wrong for me to marry a particular person, so I put too much emphasis on the feelings I was having about the situation, (in prayer and otherwise) and not enough emphasis on logic and reason. I also believed that short courtships/engagements were not a problem, due to the fact that God would tell you whether the marriage was right, and also due to wanting to avoid sexual contact.

All these factors led me to make a truly horrendous decision, one that I would not have made were it not for these untrue beliefs.

[_SatanWasSetUp]

Everyone's missing the obvious. We make poor choices because of free agency. It all goes back to the Council in Heaven. Two plans were provided to us. One plan would force us to do good. The other plan would allow us to make our own choices. The first plan was selected. We can choose to either follow the commandments, or follow Satan. If we make a bad choice, we have used our free agency to follow Satan.

[_harmony]

Everyone's missing the obvious. We make poor choices because of free agency. It all goes back to the Council in Heaven. Two plans were provided to us. One plan would force us to do good. The other plan would allow us to make our own choices. The first plan was selected. We can choose to either follow the commandments, or follow Satan. If we make a bad choice, we have used our free agency to follow Satan.

That's right; blame it all on God.

[_wenglund]

Hi Wade... :-)

How does personal responsibility factor in? What do you think? ;-)

in my opinion, choices do not always equal decisions. In other words, we often act without a conscious awareness of a decision (and the ramifications and consequences of those behavior). I think most people do their best to manage life, but are often poorly informed, at times in an unhealthy needy/emotional state, or lacking the skills, knowledge, understanding to make great healthy decisions.

I think there are varied levels of "conscious" decision-making. Some are overt, some less so, and others are so subtle and seemingly subconscious as to appear "automatic"--though they are, nevertheless, a function of personal beliefs and prior decisions.

I think it is useful to recognize that choices/decisions are made at each of these levels, and that it is useful to understand how the choices/decisions are made--particularly at the "automatic" level. Doing so, may help in changing for the better certain dysfunctional, seemingly "reflex" moods and behaviors--like depression, OCB's, addictions, etc. The science of Cognitions and Cognitive Behavioral Therapy, are designed to facilitate personal recognition and understanding of overt and "automatic" choices/decision-making.

However, whatever the level of "conscious" decision-making, each can be influenced by a lack of information, unhealthy emotional states, lack of coping and adaptive, skills, etc. or other things that you and other participants have mentioned on this thread.

Having said this, of course we must take responsibility for our lives. in my opinion, this does not mean we can't understand the reasons for poor choices, or the dynamics involved in those poor choices. We do not need to criticize each other and ourselves for mistakes but acknowledge that life is about learning and growing and expanding our hearts and minds.

To me, ultimately it means we judge less, knowing that there is more to the story than just stupid, evil, bad people who do not know how to manage life; it means that we move to a place where we help each other rather than condemn and criticize each other for poor choices. And, we recognizing that the human journey is not always an easy one.

I like what Dr. Phil says about "you can't change what you don't acknowledge". Though, to me, the intent behind the self-acknowledgement isn't to self-criticize or judge or "beat oneself up", but to fully and accurately define the problem with the intent of moving forward and fashioning and implementing the best solution.

As I see it, this entails accepting personal responsibility, in part, for the lack of information, unhealthy emotional states, lack of skills, etc. that influenced our personal choices/decisions, though again not for the purpose of "beating oneself up", but as a means of self-empowerment for affecting improved decision-making going forward.

In terms of the future choices, I think it is crucial to understand why we make poor choices in order to make better ones. For me, for a few examples, I have learned not to trust people so easily. To not make decisions while grieving or otherwise feeling less than emotionally strong. I've learned to become much better informed prior to making decisions. More than anything I have learned to listen to my gut. :-)

I am not sure what you mean by "gut", but I find it useful to make decision, at any level of "consciousness", using a balance of heart and mind.

I do appreciate your thoughts on the matter. ;-)

Thanks, -Wade Englund-