Is posting on forums healthy?

[_beastie]

There is no one right answer to this question, obviously. For some, it's a healthy outlet that leads to greater happiness, while for others, it becomes an unhealthy addiction.

Defenders of the faith who continually insist that there's something "wrong" with exmormons who post on forums like this are simply trying to silence us. Once faced with the overwhelming amount of controversial information about the church's history and its claims, they can't openly argue what the church has always taught, that people who leave the church do so only due to their own personal flaws and problems, so they frame a new accusation: exiters who just "leave" and remain silent, go on to ignore Mormonism in their lives, are fine and dandy, but it's only the exmormons who continue to want to talk about it who are "anti-mormons" who are unhealthy, angry, and bitter.

Same argument, slightly different dress. Same goal at the end. Shut up.

News flash: we know what you are trying to do, and we don't give a rip if you declare us "unhealthy, unhappy, angry and bitter".

Early Mormons had more guts. They recognized that if Mormonism wasn't true, then it was a serious fraud that ought to be exposed. Today's Mormons insist that even if Mormonism isn't true, that's no reason to try to expose it, and there's something inherently wrong with those who try to expose it.

The joke behind all this "the only good exmormon is a silent exmormon" (or one who voices disbelief while simultaneously praising the church) is that the "silent" exmormons I know have private opinions about the church that are extremely negative. They're just not interested in discussing it on the internet. My sister, who would count as a "good silent" exmormon, has a far harsher opinion about the LDS church than *I* do.

The LDS church teaches its members to value the truth in its own right, and once having found truth, to seek to share it. In fact, it emphasizes sharing truth as a serious moral responsibility. That is exactly what vocal exmormons are doing.

[_the road to hana]

The real life exmos I know are putting another shrimp on the barbie, and enjoying life to the full.

Maybe they're also posting anonymously online and you just don't know it.

[_Moniker]

Really good question.

I have very mixed feelings on this. I've posted on boards for years on and off. Flitted about, enjoyed reading, the different personalities and then would find another board.

I came to MAD for a very personal reason. I wasn't there to make friends, amuse myself, or get sucked into the drama. Yet, as so often happens that is precisely what happened. I found MAD intriguing for a few reasons: Mormons are just weird to me! What they talk about, what they find interesting, etc... just seems so *normal -- typical* but at the same time *off* in some way. It was just absolutely fascinating for me. Then MDB was like the jackpot of personalities. Truly it was. It was LDS then trying to learn how to navigate a new life. It was compelling to me for so many reasons. Not the least of which I was just incredibly bored, lonely, and found that it amused me. I've spent more time laughing, snickering, and giggling at this board then anything else.

Then I had a very difficult couple of months. Quite possibly the most painful and confusing few months of my life. There were some people here that helped me navigate during my own journey to leave my oppressive environment. Understood the dynamics of what I was going through. Some ex-LDS were able to relate to looking in the mirror one day and not understanding who was looking back at you. What had once made *sense* no longer did in my world -- and many of the posters here had gone through a journey of their own where their entire world was hefted upside down and they had to try to right it.

There are quite a few people here that I absolutely despise. I wish I didn't -- but that's why in real life I'm fairly particular about who I'm about. Can't be so lucky on a bb. :)

All in all I've given a lot of thought lately to what role this bb has in my life. I'm not sure where I stand right now. It's the few people here that keep me here now. I'm not lonely anymore, I'm not in a bad place in my life, and I'm actually a very happy single young woman and feel as though the worlds my oyster -- this board can't change that.

[_Imwashingmypirate]

I think it depends on your frame of mind. If you are not really active, it is good because you are keeping your brain active. I guess it is good to have a balance. In my case, it is not healthy because I am not sleeping regularly and lack routine. But it is also very addictive.

[Guest]

The real life exmos I know are putting another shrimp on the barbie, and enjoying life to the full.

True to an extent. But a decent percentage of the ex-Mo's I know who never bother to 'talk about the church again' are those who left for no better reason than they:

* Couldn't be bothered to get up Sunday morning.
* Wanted to do the things 'prohibited' by their religion. (Drink, smoke, sex etc.)
* Didn't want to pay tithing
* Found the whole church thing 'boring'.

Sure - in many cases I think it's also true that they don't really 'believe' the central claims of the religion either. But if you asked them to explain why, they wouldn't be able to give you a terribly convincing answer. (Not the ones I'm thinking of anyway...)

But I'll agree with you that - in many cases - they're perfectly happy...


As far as posting on these forums being 'healthy', I think I'm basically in line with beastie and Moniker. It can be quite positive - it can be educational (as long as you're clued up enough to seperate the wheat from the chaff), and it can be social (in a 'healthy' way) too. But it can be taken too far, and it can end up 'substituting' things that should be found 'in real life' instead. (And I'm speaking from personal experience here - that isn't aimed at anybody else but myself...)

[_beastie]

Moniker's comments emphasize something that should not be ignored - internet boards, while full of predictable problems of anonymous human interaction - can also be incredibly helpful and cathartic. They are, after all, another form of a support group.

When I first got online and participated on the email exmo group, it was the most cathartic experience of my life. I had felt so completely alone before then. I had just been through the most traumatic experience of my life and could find no one to talk to about it that actually understood what was going on. Reaching out to other human beings to try to get help in making sense of life is one of our most basic traits and needs, and the internet is very helpful in that it opens the entire world to possibly constitute this particular "tribe". The same is true when someone has an unusual health problem - there may be no one else in real life who knows what's happening to you, but you can find an internet group made of other people who truly, really, understand, can empathize, and give very useful information. Finding an internet support group for parents of bipolar teens is part of what kept me sane and helped me find the best help for my son several years ago. Likewise when I divorced my verbally abusive husband years ago. Internet groups just have the capacity of adding a particular type of interaction and support to one's life that one would not be able to find in real life.

Like anything in life, it can be taken too far and become counter productive. But that's something only each individual can ascertain and judge.

[Tator]

But I'll agree with you that - in many cases - they're perfectly happy...

Look, shades, what a good boy ren is!!!


Oh, and excellent point, by the way.

[Guest]

Look, shades, what a good boy ren is!!!

...can't be said too often really...!

Thanks for the heads up! And thanks - you too of course ;)

[_Mary]

Ray, for me these boards are like a bit of a crossword puzzle and a book rolled into one. They keep my brain ticking on subjects that greatly interest me. Sometimes I think I give too much personal information, then I think what the heck, sometimes the only way I can contribute or make a point is to give my own personal and hopefully reasonably relevant experience.

I also get the chuckles now and then at Moksha's, Dr Steuss,s or Bond's posts for instance, which can be a great mood lightener.

I get a bit depressed at some of the wrangles and jabs but then as my son says we don't live in an ideal world, and often there's something to be learned from the more negative communications.

I can't really judge whether these boards are bad for other people or not. I guess it's a personal thing, and everyone has to decide for themselves.

About your comment about members that don't post on these message boards, but that have left the church, I kind of agree with ROP, but also know some ex-members that just aren't interested in Mormonism or any religion whatsover. If it doesn't interest them, why would they bother posting.

Personally, I think that the people who actually bother to communicate and post are the less apathetic ones. At least they care. Is apathy any better??
What do you think?

Mary

[_truth dancer]

Hi Ray...

Of course MB can be healthy or not, depending. :-)

When I first discovered the world of MBs I was searching for some sort of help regarding my issues with the church. I remember the day I first came across a board. I was amazed that there was such a thing and I was so hopeful that someone would have some answers. I posted right that very day not having read much. Of course we all know what happens when you ask for help on an LDS MB. (smile) WOW..not at all what I expected. I was so hopeful for answers and all I got was called names, told I was stupid, naïve, and well... you know how the story goes. :-)

Having said this, I then discovered that there were others who felt similarly as did I regarding the church. It felt so comforting to know I was not alone. Until that point I could not find one person who would even discuss the issues or who would attempt to understand my feelings and perspective, not to mention that no one I knew was even aware of most of the problems.

Then I started learning about the church... wow. There was so much I did not know. It was a like a large blanket unraveled before my eyes.

Then I realized that there were many, many others who were struggling with belief. Over and over I received correspondence from lurkers who were hurting, asking for help, not knowing where to turn. This alone is reason enough to continue playing on a MB.

Then I became friends with many posters. I seriously adore many people who I have met, cyberly and in real life. I treasure these friendships and totally enjoy our conversations. Even many of those I do not know well, I find delightful. (Y'all are welcome to come visit VA... you can join Beastie and me for lunch). :-)

Then there are some REALLY brilliant people who post. I learn so much from them. I particularly enjoy conversations where I find my mind and heart expanding.

Then there are those times when some church issue comes up and I find conversations here to be quite cathartic. As much as I would love to walk away from Mormonism, my family is immersed in it and it will be forever in my life.

Finally, I have a fascination with why and how people believe. It is a topic that has always intrigued me, more so over the last several years. I find the dynamics of believing through faith the same regardless of the specific dogma/teachings/doctrine. What better place to discuss belief than with believers?

So... is it healthy to post? For me I would say yes. It is for the most part, play. Play is good!

:-)

~dancer~