I have a question wrote:Jonah wrote:Whenever I hear of prospective missionaries questioning whether to go on a mission or not, I always counsel them that it is way easier not to go than to go and come home early.
I think 'easier' might be too soft a word. It's way more beneficial to your own personal mental health and self esteem, as well as your familial relationships not to go, than to go and come home early. And that speaks volumes about the culture in the Church and in Mormon families than it does about those young men and women who make the effort to try a mission but for various reasons it would damage them more to stick it out. It is much safer to your eternal relationships to not try, than to try and be labelled by those around you, a failure. That's Mormons and Mormonism, for you...
So true. Fortunately it appears that it is now somewhat "culturally acceptable" in the church to come home early from a mission due to "depression", "anxiety", or whatever other mental disorder one can come up with. This seems to give the missionary (and parents) an "out" when it comes to saving face (for appearance sakes) with other family, church members, and peers.
I have read articles and seen other websites that have discussed how to handle and treat ERM's. They seem to focus on building the ERM's esteem, worth, and spirituality while at the same time walking on eggshells. The goal seems more like "How do we keep him/her as a positive productive member of the church?" as opposed to "How do we keep him/her from jumping off the roof?" What a load of B.S.!!
The only thing...THE ONLY THING...an ERM needs is the UNCONDITIONAL love, help, and support of his family. Nothing else matters. I longed for a scenario where my father would sit down with me and say something like, "O.K. Jonah, the mission is out...I get that. So let's sit down and kind of map out a plan for you to successfully move on with your life. Let's get you some transportation and from there we can get you a part-time job and back into school. As long as you are working and going to school you can live here room/board free. Let's set up a savings account and figure out what percentage of your paycheck to deposit, how much you will need to budget to pay us back for a car, and how much you'll need for yourself each month..." That never happened. Instead I was made to pay for the shame and embarrassment I had brought to my family. Whenever I saw a light at the end of the tunnel, my family tried to make sure that light was a freight train headed my way. They tried. Sometimes they were successful...other times not. That was a lot for a 19-year old kid to handle. Their examples taught me an awful lot of what NOT to do in how I treated people and when facing certain situations in life. For that, I am grateful.