Spiritual trauma: did you have any?

Post by **_beastie** » Sun Dec 30, 2007 2:30 am

I want to be clear about what my situation was. My exhusband never beat me. The only time he used force against me was to restrain me or to push me until I fell. He would act violently around me by throwing things in my direction, but not meant to hit me. He was a smart man, and he understood that I knew physical abuse was a deal breaker, even for a temple marriage. That's why he stuck to verbal abuse. It's much more insidious, harder to recognize as abuse, but just as damaging as physical abuse. I actually wish he had beaten me, because then I would have known to leave. I remember one of the worst episodes, when he kept pushing me down the hall, whispering vicious things all the way, warning me I had NO IDEA how much anger he had towards me. (my sin? I wouldn't have sex with him after I'd stayed up most of the night wrapping Christmas presents for the kids) He pushed me on the bed, and his face was so enraged, and his words so vicious, I really thought he was finally going to beat me. I was afraid, and worried I'd end up in the hospital, but in a crazy way I was happy he was going to finally beat me, because then I would be justified leaving.

Post by **_beastie** » Sun Dec 30, 2007 2:33 am

WTF? Are you seriously comparing Beastie's situation with Hillary's?

Every post coggins has made on this thread demonstrates his complete and utter cluelessness about the topic. I'm ignoring him at this point.

Post by **_Coggins7** » Sun Dec 30, 2007 2:45 am

Every post coggins has made on this thread demonstrates his complete and utter cluelessness about the topic. I'm ignoring him at this point.

No Beastie, you won't listen to me, or Charity, or any other TBM on any issue because of what we believe about Joseph Smith, the Book of Mormon, and the Book of Abraham. Your cup runneth over...

Post by **_Coggins7** » Sun Dec 30, 2007 2:48 am

WTF? Are you seriously comparing Beastie's situation with Hillary's?

No, I'm pointing out that woman can and do stay with very abusive men if they think their coattails are taking them somewhere they want to go.

Post by **_beastie** » Sun Dec 30, 2007 2:48 am

And that's exactly what I was alluding to, beastie. There is no possible way that charity understands the continuum of the abuse cycle. No blessed way. As you demonstrated, as a 19 year old you didn't even know what the bi-polar was about. My take is that you were faithful, prayerful and hopeful as directed by scripture and the religious culture you were immersed in.

EXACTLY. I was doing my best to do what I thought God wanted me to do. Everyone talked about how hard marriage is, anyway, and especially the first few years. I knew I was living in absolute h*ll, but I thought that must just be the way it is sometimes. It didn't help that when I tried to explain what was going on to church leaders, they acted like it wasn't a big deal. Plus, I believed in repentance and change, and the power of prayer. I believed if I prayed hard enough God would soften my husband's heart. The last thing I wanted to do was to divorce him. I just wanted him to stop mistreating me.

You know what's really messed up? I didn't even realize what I was suffering was a form of abuse. I thought abuse meant beating. I didn't realize that was only the tip of the iceberg. I didn't know what was wrong with my marriage until I read Patricia Evan's book on Verbal Abuse (which I accidentally happened on in a bookstore, looking for yet another book to help me fix my marriage). Reading her book was the most affirming experience of my life. It was like she was hiding in my house all those years, taking notes on what was happening. And the diagnosis of bipolar came even AFTER that. So for the vast majority of my marriage, I didn't even have labels for what was happening, and when you can't NAME it, you have a hard time truly understanding it and getting help.

Post by **_Trevor** » Sun Dec 30, 2007 2:49 am

Coggins7 wrote:No Beastie, you won't listen to me, or Charity, or any other TBM on any issue because of what we believe about Joseph Smith, the Book of Mormon, and the Book of Abraham. Your cup runneth over...

Well, one does tend to question the perspicacity of people who don't recognize Joseph for the philandering son of a gun he was.

Post by **_Gadianton** » Sun Dec 30, 2007 2:53 am

Coggins7 wrote:.
My experience is that most members don't have any real interest in studying or discussing the potential conflicts in church history unless they have had "an event" that is taking them out of their comfort zone.

Well, thank you for at least coming out of the closet with your real agenda. Refreshing. The various hypothetical and theoretical conflicts and problems with Church history are not problematic if one has a testimony and keeps that testimony central to one's life and experiences. Without it, the inconsistencies and human foibles that are a part of any historical record can loom large. We choose the perceptive filter through which we will see those problems.

Dude,

I'm sort of a low-life, pretty low morals and all, not a whole lot to respect. But, I look like a ministering angel compared to Smith and some of his horn-doggers. Even on a lenient curve, Smith's "human foibles" would score him an F.

Post by **_Coggins7** » Sun Dec 30, 2007 2:54 am

I'm sort of a low-life, pretty low morals and all, not a whole lot to respect. But, I look like a ministering angel compared to Smith and some of his horn-doggers. Even on a lenient curve, Smith's "human foibles" would score him an F.

Pure ahistorical mythology. Check your sources and your evidence again.

Post by **_Trevor** » Sun Dec 30, 2007 2:56 am

Coggins7 wrote:Pure ahistorical mythology. Check your sources and your evidence again.

As I said...

Post by **_Gadianton** » Sun Dec 30, 2007 2:56 am

Pure ahistorical mythology.....

You must be talking about your golden Bible.