"Are you on your period or something?" and other sexist remarks

[Jersey Girl]

When I noticed it was spelled that way, I started reading it with the emphasis on the second syllable rather than the first. Makes it sound exotic as well as helps me to remember it's not a military reference.

You assumed correctly. I do pronounce my name with the accent on the second syllable. Few people automatically make that correct connection like you did, without me correcting them first. The "ar" at the end of my name is pronounced more like the word "are" than like "er" as most people mistakenly do when they first meet me.

ETA: Incidentally, if I were Danish, instead of Norwegian, the accent would be on the first syllable. That's how my Danish friends and acquaintances pronounce it.

Oh stop trying to sound so sophisticated. Some of us actually know you.

[honorentheos]

In a minute.

too funny. (And for those women who don't bake, there is no rule that says you can't keep a rolling pin FOR ANY REASON YOU WANT. )

Quite a conundrum. Man enters thread using a sexist trope to communicate. Past experience suggests they will get told it wasn't funny and if they don't get why it's a sexist trope that's further evidence of how deeply their sexist biases are rooted. But is it progress to play along and say how appropriate it is if it's about keeping a rolling pin around just to lay into the menfolk?

I think what it really shows is this isn't actually being taken seriously by anyone, but is instead a vehicle for being assholes to dominate others in online debate.

Prove me wrong.

[Res Ipsa]

Buzzkill…..

[honorentheos]

Buzzkill…..

Perhaps. A bit of sobriety after the intoxication of the last few weeks might do some people some good, though.

To be clear, there is a difference between the real issues involved in the topic as a matter to be considered, engaged, and perhaps improve on the one hand. And on the other, simple attacking bad behavior flying under those colors because it enabled that bad behavior.

I think Lem has life traumas that contributes to a message board about Mormonism being a poor venue for positive, fruitful dialog precisely because of the combination of continued institutional male dominance and personal connections to that culture that aren't detachable from the trauma. It's casual conversationalists engaging with a serious, and traumatized individual where it's not able to be equitably treated. So the discussions that I've largely just observed over the last while proved poor learning instruments because no one can engage this topic in this venue with these participants and have a clear perspective. The result? Mostly confusion, pandering, and justification of asshole behavior that isn't in the scope of a message boards capacity to handle well or with any semblance of integrity. I think you gave the topic a sincere consideration and attempts at engaging. But you can't have those conversations here by trying to be clinical and objective for what should be obvious reasons. When someone ends up feeling unrestrained and unaccountable, the root cause - no matter how valid - is being abused. I'm not saying I think Lem is a bad person. I just think her repeated reactions show people should recognize the trauma isn't the kind that is helped by saying it's cool to be angry because snapping under all that pressure is understandable. It's not. It's cause for sympathy, but it's not charitable to enable it rather than point out it's perpetuating the harm further.

So yeah, buzzkill.

[Res Ipsa]

So, your response to trauma is to inflict more pain?

[Jersey Girl]

Buzzkill…..

Perhaps.

Read the room, honor. Read the room.

[Chap]

[Lem]

Read the room, honor. Read the room.

exactly. because when a woman publicly objects to a crude sexist comment, it's because SHE has a problematic past, right? What BS.

[Lem]

Lovely!

[honorentheos]

Perhaps.

Read the room, honor. Read the room.

The room is broken, Jersey Girl. The conversation can't be objective and productive, and the progress of the conversation culminating in Lem's rejection of Res' attempt to engage toxic male behavior in general as part of topic solidified it. Lem should be talking about this with people able to engage it appropriately.

Read the room, indeed.