90% of Provo rapes not reported to police

[_asbestosman]

The reality is, regardless of religion or culture, women do not want to report rape. The ramifications are just too great. It is a miserable, emotionally painful experience for women to have to discuss, share, admit or relive the experience. When women call a crisis hotline, or show up in a hospital, often the first words out of their mouth are, "No one can know."

In those cultures where there is a high value on virginity, where one's virginity is associated with righteousness, where shame is associated with the loss of virginity the negative consequences of reporting are even greater.

So here's a question. What should people do when a rape victim tells her story to them? Is it best to encourage her to report it to authorities? Is it best to not pressure her to report. Being a male, I feel pretty helpless in the whole rape thing. I feel like there's nothing I can possible say since I don't know what it's like to be a woman nor a victim. Nor do I know what it's like to be afraid of walking around outside at night in my neighborhood (seems safe enough to me, but it frightens my wife to be alone anywhere in the dark).

[_Sethbag]

Yeah, it makes me mad too. The whole "better dead than raped" attitude sickens me. I'm almost physically ill after reading those quotes again, even though we've all seen them before. And it's definitely talking about rape, because how could someone struggle to the point of death resisting consensual sex? I'm going to ensure that my daughter is never taught that, and if she ever is, I'm going to ensure that she is disabused of that insane and psychopathic notion instantly.

And the teaching that sexual impurity is next to murder in seriousness is another piece of BS that needs to stop. I'm going to wager that a very large number of young LDS men and women have felt like they are completely filthy and guilty in the eyes of God for masturbation, for example, and that is simply unnecessary and wrong. There's no reason a teenaged boy needs to feel like sh*t for masturbating, and feel like they're the lowest of the scum of the earth, right down there with murderers, because they're like 95% of all young men who give in to the "temptation" to tamper with their little factories.

I just get so pissed off when I think about all of this. I've mentioned this before, but my mom got all somber and serious when she, in a quiet voice, warned me of the terrible and horrible prospect of a sister missionary I'd fallen in love with near the end of my mission, who had converted in her late teens to the church, might not be a virgin. My mom was literally urging me to reconsider my feelings for her based on the mere possibility that she might have had sex with a guy or guys a few years previously, in High School or whatever. As if marrying such a woman, a returned missionary who presumably had been chaste since her conversion, and who was a righteous individual,and a very good person, would be a really awful and horrible thing.

[_truth dancer]

Hi Asbestosman,

So here's a question. What should people do when a rape victim tells her story to them? Is it best to encourage her to report it to authorities? Is it best to not pressure her to report. Being a male, I feel pretty helpless in the whole rape thing. I feel like there's nothing I can possible say since I don't know what it's like to be a woman nor a victim. Nor do I know what it's like to be afraid of walking around outside at night in my neighborhood (seems safe enough to me, but it frightens my wife to be alone anywhere in the dark).

Good question. It is nice that you care in such a way.

I have spent many, many long nights in emergency rooms helping women cope with sexual assault. To answer your question... it depends. It depends on the woman and their particular situation.

Most important, in my opinion, is that a survivor feels supported, safe, and cared for. The feedback I have received from survivors is that just having someone there who understands and is not judgmental is often the most valuable support they receive. In addition, acknowledging and affirming the fact that the rape was not their fault is reassuring.

If a rape is recent I think it is imperative a woman receive medical care. Many crisis centers can provide specific care for sexual assault survivors. Typically these services are free and confidential, and provide enormous help to prevent pregnancy as well as some STDs.

I never, ever suggest or advise reporting. I totally understand why women do not. I support a survivor in her choices. I provide information and resources, and offer her alternatives. I answer questions, and provide an environment where she can go through the process of healing.

I would highly suggest professional counseling for survivors of sexual assault. It is a complicated trauma and many women suffer for years even decades because they could not, on their own, find a way to work through the rape.


~dancer~

[_beastie]

by the way, the mirror MAD thread on this topic has taken a particularly repellent turn, in which believers assert that victims of abuse DO bear some responsibility for the crime.

http://www.mormonapologetics.org/index. ... 397&st=100

[_dartagnan]

in which believers assert that victims of abuse DO bear some responsibility for the crime.

I knew it would only be a matter of timebefore the nimrods at MADB proved my point.

You see, the "demonization" isn't an internal thing. It is something the victims feel from others. I've only known this to be true in Islamic cultures. I was shocked to see it take place in Mormon culture as well.

[_Moniker]

She said, 'I should have died before I let him do that to me,' " Lemmon said. "I was troubled that she had to believe that."

Indeed. Why don't they ever say, "He should have died (or been castrated/maimed/tortured) before he would do that to me!" It might be nice if a prophet would say something like that to encourage more reporting.

Yep! When you indoctrinate women with the sense that they are "walking pornography" and responsible for how men react to them they blame themselves!

[_Moniker]

Woman that find it so very easy to admit they have been raped are unlikely to have actually been raped.

That's a gross over generalization! Why do you draw that conclusion?

And very often they turn out to be dirty in sexual terms.

Hey, Pirate. :) What is "dirty in sexual terms" mean?

[_Imwashingmypirate]

in which believers assert that victims of abuse DO bear some responsibility for the crime.

I knew it would only be a matter of timebefore the nimrods at MADB proved my point.

You see, the "demonization" isn't an internal thing. It is something the victims feel from others. I've only known this to be true in Islamic cultures. I was shocked to see it take place in Mormon culture as well.

What a bunch of crack pots. I think it is true that the victim themselves feel that way naturally, but it isn't their fault that they are forced to do something they have no control over. It is just bad luck.

[_Moniker]

What is so disturbing about this to me is that back when I was at BYU in 1976-78, this same thinking was evident and pervasive among the coeds (ie, that it would be better to die than "let" yourself be raped). I know this was a pervasive and problematic viewpoint because the police (or maybe it was BYU security, I can't remember) went out of their way to try and dispel this bit of nonsense.

So nothing has changed in thirty years. That is tragic.

How do non-LDS rape victims think?

Maybe I'm wrong, but it seems that victims often blame themselves. That said, I wouldn't be surprised to find differences in LDS and other attitudes among rape victims.

By the way, in my experience with women they often blame themselves for a lot of things when they shouldn't. Maybe that's just been my experience though. Again, that is not to say that LDS women view rape the same way others do. I really do think it would be nice if the die instead "leting" yourself be raped myth were dispelled say, during General Conference and in lessons for young women.

The difference outside LDS culture is that women are not viewed as responsible for what men do! This is HUGE! Of course a rape victim may blame herself -- not always -- but, that's a possibility. Yet, in the LDS culture VIRGINITY is everything! Even if the woman isn't a virgin she is still told by the culture that how men react to her is HER responsibility! Look at the numbskulls on this website that see sensual seductresses in fricken everything -- or believe women WANT men to think certain things. This is INDOCTRINATED in them! It's ridiculous!

[_Imwashingmypirate]

Woman that find it so very easy to admit they have been raped are unlikely to have actually been raped.

That's a gross over generalization! Why do you draw that conclusion?

And very often they turn out to be dirty in sexual terms.

Hey, Pirate. :) What is "dirty in sexual terms" mean?

I mean they find it just a bit TOO easy, thus they either lack emtion and self respect or they were up for it. But then I suppose I wouldn't really know.

I mean people that have been sexually abused or rapes most often become very sexually inclined. Not all cases but most. Some cases where this does not happen is usually when religion or upbringing doesn't socially allow it and then they revert the opposite way and find all sexual things dirty. So they either become dirty themselves or they fear being dirty.