Black Moclips wrote:What about the specific question - "Is man found upon the earth?" Reply, "No, man is not found upon the earth?"
Should the response have been qualified - "Well, not man as us gods understand it. Homo Sapien are on the earth, but not man."
We need to ask our Gods to be a little more explicit and clear, don't we? It should have gone something like this:
Elohim: "Is man found upon the Earth?"
Jehova: "don't you mean humankind? I mean, there's woman too, not just man."
Elohim: "yeah, ok, is humankind found upon the Earth?"
Jehova: "what do you mean, humankind with God-child spirits, or humankind without?"
Elohim: "obviously I'm not talking about the animal humans - I mean the God-child-spirit-containing humans!"
Jehova: "oh, well in that case, no. None of the millions of humans roaming the Earth have your spirit children dwelling inside of them."
Jehova: "and one more thing. I noticed you used the word "eretz" in your question. Just for the record, were you asking whether humankind with God-child-spirts were found anywhere on the entire planet, or just in the local area around Missouri/I mean Eden?"
Elohim: "hmm, good question. I suppose I meant the entire Planet."
Jehova: "perhaps it would be good to say so next time, you know, just to avoid possibly confusing your prophets later on down the road."
Elohim: "ok, well I'll take that under advisement. Back to the original question, are we through with the Creative Period yet? Can we start sending my spirit children down to all the new human babies about to be born?"
Jehova: "actually, not yet. Uggg and Mugga are in the act of copulating right now, as are about thirty thousand other humans. We need to find a moment in time where nowhere, on the entire planet Earth, are any non-God-child humans, nor any other animals for that matter, are having sex, in the act of dying, or getting sick, etc."
Elohim: "why?"
Jehova: "well, as soon as we declare the Creative Period over, all of those things become impossible, but if they're actually in the act of doing them when the word goes out, they'll be in the act of doing something impossible, and their heads might explode trying to figure out what's happening to them."
Elohim: "ok, makes sense I guess. Well, let me know..."
a little later....
Jehova: "Elohim, get ready, and, one sec, wait, wait, NOW!"
Elohim: "..."
Jehova: "Elohim?"
Elohim: "what, did you say something?"
Jehova: "well yeah, I gave you the signal to end Creation and begin the Paradisaical Period of the Earth, where nothing was reproducing, nothing was dying, etc."
Elohim: "Oh, I'm sorry, I was "talking" with Ginger, wife #931, if you know what I mean..."
Jehova: "you mean "know" in the Biblical sense?"
Elohim: "um, yeah, well no matter, let me know when another window of opportunity comes up."
Jehova: "sheesh, ok, well this isn't exactly easy you know, with billions of living, dying, sexually-reproducing creatures on Earth, finding an instant where nothing of that sort is actually occurring is pretty tough."
Elohim: "sorry."
Jehova: "it's all good."
Jehova: "Elohim, are you there? Another window is coming up."
Elohim: "Hmm, what? Oh, yeah, cool. Just say the word."
Jehova: "Ok, your on in 5, 4, 3, (two fingers, one finger, Jehova points at him)"
Elohim: "
IT IS FINISHED! CREATION IS OVER! HEY YOU THERE. YEAH, YOU! STOP THAT!"
Elohim: "
LET THE GOD-CHILD-SPIRIT EMIGRATION TO EARTH BEGIN!"
Jehova: "Um, Michael, I mean Adam, that's your cue, bro."
Jehova: "Peter, James, John, are you guys ready? I'm going to need you to go down there soon and visit with the man Adam."
Peter: "We will go down."
James: "We will go down."
John: "We will go down."
And the rest, as they say, is history. Or some subset of history, since we now know that what happened next is only the last couple of pages in a book that's been in the works for 4.5 billion years...
Mormonism ceased being a compelling topic for me when I finally came to terms with its transformation from a personality cult into a combination of a real estate company, a SuperPac, and Westboro Baptist Church. - Kishkumen