I'm gonna grab you to be one of my plural wives in the CK

The catch-all forum for general topics and debates. Minimal moderation. Rated PG to PG-13.
Post Reply
_Seven
_Emeritus
Posts: 998
Joined: Tue Feb 13, 2007 7:52 pm

Re: I'm gonna grab you to be one of my plural wives in the CK

Post by _Seven »

I think Cinepro explains the three glories of the CK and revelation on "Celestial Marriage"/polygamy best: :lol:

http://www.mormonapologetics.org/index. ... opic=33785
Post #12

Who goes to the lower degrees of the CK? To put it bluntly, there is no plausible theory that makes sense or is politically correct. We just don't know, and I defy anyone to even imagine a scenario where someone is worthy to enter the "Celestial Kingdom" but isn't worthy of the highest exaltation.

My theory is that Joseph Smith revealed the 3 degrees of the CK to sort out the true believers and the super-duper true believers. He already had a bunch of people who were pretty much assured of getting to the CK based on the 1832 revelation (D&C 76), but if that was the case, why would they care about celestial marriage and/or plural marriage? The only way to make it work would be to reveal to people that even though they will be in the CK, they could end up in coach seating while others are flying first class.

There was also a time in the Church where people who didn't get married in this life were assumed to not get married in the afterlife; this Earth was their only shot. But now we are in the era of "happy feelings" where we can make anything up that we want to if it makes us feel good, so now we teach that even if someone lives in Provo, Utah their whole life and is surrounded by thousands upon thousands of single Mormons, and they have access to the internet and LDS Singles, it's still not their fault if they don't get married, so God will sort it out in the end.

So at the time of section 131 (1843), I imagine the answer to your question would be this:

CK - First Class Seating - Polygamous Marriages
CK - Business Class - Monogamous Marriages
CK - Coach - Single people (ministering angels)


But we really don't know. The answer to your question probably died in the summer of 1844, and is buried overlooking the Mississippi river
"Happiness is the object and design of our existence...
That which is wrong under one circumstance, may be, and often is, right under another." Joseph Smith
_cinepro
_Emeritus
Posts: 4502
Joined: Sat Oct 27, 2007 10:15 pm

Re: I'm gonna grab you to be one of my plural wives in the CK

Post by _cinepro »

[quote="Seven"][/quote]

If they ever bring back the "I Have a Question" section of the Ensign, I'm totally submitting that. :mrgreen:
_Seven
_Emeritus
Posts: 998
Joined: Tue Feb 13, 2007 7:52 pm

Re: I'm gonna grab you to be one of my plural wives in the CK

Post by _Seven »

cinepro wrote:
Honestly, I think they should hand out free copies of this article with every Temple Marriage:

When Virgins Collide


That article reminded me of a story I heard of a couple in my old Ward. It was their honeymoon night and they were not able to consumate the marriage. I can't remember all the details, but If I recall correctly, it took 2 or 3 days and much embarrassment before they figured it out.
I'm surprised they even told their friends about it.
"Happiness is the object and design of our existence...
That which is wrong under one circumstance, may be, and often is, right under another." Joseph Smith
_Jason Bourne
_Emeritus
Posts: 9207
Joined: Sun Oct 29, 2006 8:00 pm

Re: I'm gonna grab you to be one of my plural wives in the CK

Post by _Jason Bourne »

cinepro wrote:The comments from the OP raise the interesting issue of how polygamy is perceived in the modern LDS Church in broader terms (no pun intended!)

It reminds me of the guy who wrote a book outlining why he thought polygamy was a wonderful thing in the past, and how we should be preparing for it to be authorized in the future based on what Church leaders have said. His book was called More Than One: Plural Marriage, A Sacred Heritage - A Promise For Tomorrow. As far as I know, his book didn't advocate doing anything illegal or going against modern Church leaders, but he was exed. Maybe it was the billboards along I-15?



More evidence that the LDS Church is one of the most anti polygamy groups out there. Wonder why they don't fix it for eternal marriages.
_Jason Bourne
_Emeritus
Posts: 9207
Joined: Sun Oct 29, 2006 8:00 pm

Re: I'm gonna grab you to be one of my plural wives in the CK

Post by _Jason Bourne »


Goodnightshirt, what I would do for a man who knew what he was doing...


Go buy him a sex manual from Barnes and Nobles. There are plenty of good ones that are not racy and use drawings rather than pictures. He may just not know how and can be taught how a woman functions. Also, buy a vibrating toy for him to use. 57 is not too late to enjoy this part of your relationship. You might have to teach him a few things.

Ok. TMI I am sure. But hey, well, YA KNOW!!! :redface:
_harmony
_Emeritus
Posts: 18195
Joined: Fri Oct 27, 2006 1:35 am

Re: I'm gonna grab you to be one of my plural wives in the CK

Post by _harmony »

Jason Bourne wrote:

Goodnightshirt, what I would do for a man who knew what he was doing...


Go buy him a sex manual from Barnes and Nobles. There are plenty of good ones that are not racy and use drawings rather than pictures. He may just not know how and can be taught how a woman functions. Also, buy a vibrating toy for him to use. 57 is not too late to enjoy this part of your relationship. You might have to teach him a few things.

Ok. TMI I am sure. But hey, well, YA KNOW!!! :redface:


A vibrating toy for... him? Somehow that just seems... backwards.
(Nevo, Jan 23) And the Melchizedek Priesthood may not have been restored until the summer of 1830, several months after the organization of the Church.
_Jersey Girl
_Emeritus
Posts: 34407
Joined: Wed Oct 25, 2006 1:16 am

Re: I'm gonna grab you to be one of my plural wives in the CK

Post by _Jersey Girl »

I never reply to threads like this. So okay. I'm gonna touch this one with the 10 foot pole.

Dr. Shades wrote:
harmony wrote:. . . one of the main reasons I'm not interested is that my husband just isn't very good at it. . . but let's just say it's not one of his talents and move on. . . Goodnightshirt, what I would do for a man who knew what he was doing...

In all seriousness. . . does he not know how to find the clitoris?

.


Arriving at one's intended destination isn't the point, Shades. It's what you do when you get there that matters most.
Failure is not falling down but refusing to get up.
Chinese Proverb
_Dr. Shades
_Emeritus
Posts: 14117
Joined: Mon Oct 23, 2006 9:07 pm

Re: I'm gonna grab you to be one of my plural wives in the CK

Post by _Dr. Shades »

Seven wrote:That article reminded me of a story I heard of a couple in my old Ward. It was their honeymoon night and they were not able to consumate the marriage. I can't remember all the details, but If I recall correctly, it took 2 or 3 days and much embarrassment before they figured it out.

They should've just left the lights on.

Jersey Girl wrote:
Dr. Shades wrote:In all seriousness. . . does he not know how to find the clitoris?

Arriving at one's intended destination isn't the point, Shades. It's what you do when you get there that matters most.

That's plainly obvious.

Yet the problem with most dissatisfied wives is that their husbands aren't even aware of a clitoris or its proper function & use. Once they are taught to find it, then "what you do when you get there" sort of takes care of itself.
"Finally, for your rather strange idea that miracles are somehow linked to the amount of gay sexual gratification that is taking place would require that primitive Christianity was launched by gay sex, would it not?"

--Louis Midgley
_Seven
_Emeritus
Posts: 998
Joined: Tue Feb 13, 2007 7:52 pm

Re: I'm gonna grab you to be one of my plural wives in the CK

Post by _Seven »

"Dr. Shades"

Yet the problem with most dissatisfied wives is that their husbands aren't even aware of a clitoris or its proper function & use. Once they are taught to find it, then "what you do when you get there" sort of takes care of itself.


This is going to be TMI but this topic really doesn't embarass me so what the heck. (must have been all those human biology classes in college)

Even if the man didn't know anything about the clitoris, the very act of sexual intercourse in missionary position rubs against it, causing stimulation and orgasm. (I'm speaking from personal experience) So, I'm really puzzled how a woman can never experience pleasure if her husband isn't aware of where it is. Sure it's helpful in achieving climax faster but direct stimulation is not the only way. After the first orgasm, the others come very easily.

There is also a vaginal orgasm that is much more pleasurable than the other. (G-spot)
"Happiness is the object and design of our existence...
That which is wrong under one circumstance, may be, and often is, right under another." Joseph Smith
_Jersey Girl
_Emeritus
Posts: 34407
Joined: Wed Oct 25, 2006 1:16 am

Re: I'm gonna grab you to be one of my plural wives in the CK

Post by _Jersey Girl »

I'm almost 5-freakin-7 years old


So what? Yer not dead, harm. It's kind of like shopping. You can't buy the stuff if you don't get in the car and go for the ride.

:mrgreen:
Failure is not falling down but refusing to get up.
Chinese Proverb
Post Reply