While I respect your personal belief, I do find your stated experince instructive. Instead of engaging in the process of growth in faith as it is designed, you appealed to yourself for the answer to your question. You shifted from trusting in God and the process he has extablished for becoming like him, to trusting yourself. Is it any wonder that you not only concluded that the Church isn't true, but that God non longer exists for you, and you have taken his place in your own mind.
In a way, I can see how that transition could lift quite a weight off your shoulders--when, instead of relying of God and his established kingdom in meeting the rather lofty expectation of becoming like God, you had but yourself to rely on in meeting the rather easy expectation of becoming yourself.
So a thought clearly forms in my mind while I am praying, and you assert that means I shifted from relying on God to relying on myself.
I feel 100% confident that if I had told the story in a way that ended with my faith being affirmed, you would immediately assume GOD was the source of the answer that came to my mind.
I feel peace and joy when I accept this answer, and you assert that it’s because I no longer had to worry about becoming like God.
I feel 100% confident that if I had told the story in a way that ended with my faith being affirmed, you would immediately assume GOD was the source of the peace and joy that came to me.
More from Elder Cook’s talk:
Confirming Truth
Verse 4 [Moro. 10:4] identifies yet another important principle: if we want an answer from God, we will move ourselves out of a neutral position and let our desire to believe that God can help us begin to work in us.
One way to understand verse 4 [Moro. 10:4] is to note that the scripture does not say we are to ask whether these things are true or not, but that we are to ask “if these things are not true.” What is the difference?
The Lord does not ask us to prove that the teachings we have read are true, or that they are not true. That is the kind of objective approach one might take in the academic, scientific world. However, that is not the best way we learn truth from the Lord.
The Lord offers us the opportunity to let him confirm truth already in our hearts. But in order to confirm religious truth, one must at least have the idea, or the thought, or the belief (however small) that he has found something true, and then pray to receive the Lord’s confirmation.
Verse 4 [Moro. 10:4], then, is the Lord’s invitation, through Moroni, to thus confirm truth. To ask “if these things are not true” implies a degree of acceptance that comes as a result of our pondering the teachings of the Book of Mormon that we have received. Notice again the importance of that very first step—remembering the mercy of God to us since the Creation—and then the next step, which is to similarly ponder and receive the teachings of the Book of Mormon. Surely such pondering of these teachings will bring to mind their truth, their power, their goodness. Thus, it is now tantamount to praying, “Father, I believe that I have received truth. Please tell me if this is not so.” This kind of humble petition is motivated by our faith in Christ, by our faith that he will let us know whether our feelings are correct concerning the Book of Mormon or whether we have been deceived. Thus, our prayer, in essence, is a request for a confirmation of our own conclusions from our pondering. The Lord may not respond exactly how and when we expect, but still our obedience to these conditions qualifies us to receive an answer; this is the scope of the process described in these verses.
In fact, in D&C 9:8–9, the Lord tells us even more about receiving this confirmation of truth:
“But, behold, I say unto you, that you must study it out in your mind; then you must ask me if it be right, and if it is right I will cause that your bosom shall burn within you; therefore, you shall feel that it is right.”
“But if it be not right you shall have no such feelings, but you shall have a stupor of thought that shall cause you to forget the thing which is wrong.” (emphasis added).
The Lord’s invitation for us to test the principles of the gospel in our mind and heart is very broad and generous. As the boy Joseph Smith learned, our Father “giveth to all men liberally, and upbraideth not” (James 1:5) when we ask in faith. For example, the Lord has made it plain in a number of scriptures how he feels about the Book of Mormon; he and his prophets testify to us that it is true (see, for example, Moro. 10:28–29; 2 Ne. 33:10–11; D&C 17:6; D&C 18:2–3). Yet he still invites every reader to seek personal confirmation from him of these testimonies.
According to Elder Cook, we are supposed to study it out in our mind. We are supposed ask for confirmation of our own conclusions from our pondering.
Yet, when I did exactly that, and listened to the thought that came to me
in the midst of prayer, and felt peace and joy in response to that thought, Wade tells me I stopped relying on God.