Writing Contest - First Pesidency Message from the future.

[Guest]

The First Presidency asked that the following letter, dated 29 January 2013, be read in sacrament meetings throughout the world.

“Recent worldwide events of our Heavenly Father are a clear indication of his concern for his chosen people and for the LDS church. While the exact number of these Christians in name only who instantaneously disappeared off the face of the earth is unknown, we are certain that those who would have rejected this true gospel have been removed from the earth.

“While many have claimed that the hundreds of billions of people who simply disappeared are a part of a Christian rapture, nothing could be more further from the truth. The event that took place is to help us in our missionary work and to help in out temple work. What better time to declare our message of truth when all the unfaithful unbelievers have been removed from the face of the earth.

“Our holy temples will now be open 24 hours a day as our focus to do the work of the hundreds of billions of people who disappeared this past week. We ask that every worthy temple member attend the temple for at least six hours a day. It is also at this very time that the windows of heaven and the blessings of tithing will truly be open up to you as we now request a 20% tithing on your gross income.

“We wish to reiterate the divine counsel that members ‘should be anxiously engaged in a good cause, and do many things of their own free will, and bring to pass much righteousness’ (D&C 58:27) there is no better time for you to become closer with your Heavenly Father than now as you proceed to follow gospel principles and cooperate with the needs of God himself.

“This is not a time to be frightened, but a time for great service and devotion as our Heavenly Father and his first presidency has made it even more possible for you to show your love for this restored gospel.”

[_Dr. Shades]

While many have claimed that the hundreds of billions of people who simply disappeared are a part of a Christian rapture, . . . Our holy temples will now be open 24 hours a day as our focus to do the work of the hundreds of billions of people who disappeared this past week.

Well, since the current human population is a little under 7 billion, then if "hundreds of billions" of people disappeared, then all the Mormons would be gone, too. . . as well as more homo sapiens than have ever existed on the planet.

[Guest]

The First Presidency asked that the following letter, dated 15 August 2047, be read in sacrament meetings throughout the world.

We have revelations that tell us that the gospel is to go to every nation, kindred, tongue, and people before the Second Coming of the Son of Man. And we have revelations which recite that when the Lord comes he will find those who speak every tongue and are members of every nation and kindred, who will be kings and priests, who will live and reign on earth with him a thousand years. That means, as you know, that people from all nations will have the blessings of the house of the Lord before the Second Coming.

We have read these passages and their associated passages for many years. We have seen what the words say and have said to ourselves, “Yes, it says that, but we must read out of it the taking of the gospel and the blessings of the temple to the gay people, because they are denied certain things.” There are statements in our literature by the early Brethren which we have interpreted to mean that gay couples could not be married in the temple. I have said the same things, and people write me letters and say, “You said such and such, and how is it now that we do such and such?” And all I can say to that is that it is time disbelieving people repented and got in line and believed in a living, modern prophet. Forget everything that I have said, or what President Gordon B Hinckley or President Thomas S. Monson or whomsoever has said in days past that is contrary to the present revelation. We spoke with a limited understanding and without the light and knowledge that now has come into the world.

[_Wisdom Seeker]

While many have claimed that the hundreds of billions of people who simply disappeared are a part of a Christian rapture, . . . Our holy temples will now be open 24 hours a day as our focus to do the work of the hundreds of billions of people who disappeared this past week.

Well, since the current human population is a little under 7 billion, then if "hundreds of billions" of people disappeared, then all the Mormons would be gone, too. . . as well as more homo sapiens than have ever existed on the planet.

Must have been a mistake made by someone other than the first presidency.

[_Wisdom Seeker]

The First Presidency asked that the following letter, dated 13 February 2013, be read in sacrament meetings throughout the world.

“Our previous First Presidency message had an error in it, as it stated there were hundreds of billions of people who disappeared off the face of the earth. While the First Presidency clearly stated the correct number to a secretary, he did actually hit the letter “b” instead of the letter “m” which does not sit that far away from the other. Clearly this was a mistake not made by any member of the first presidency.

“Brothers and Sisters, this small error does not discount the importance of missionary work and temple work at this time. The hundreds of millions of people are not coming back and their temple work needs to be completed. It will be much easier to accomplish the temple work for the dead, knowing that we are doing this for hundreds of millions of people who disappeared rather than hundreds of billions.

“Brothers and Sisters do not let numbers bother or offend you in any matter. When someone tells you that the City Creek Mall cost 15 Billion dollars to build, just think that perhaps someone made a clerical error and in fact it may be only 15 Million dollars. And for our 15 million members, that only adds up to one dollar per person to build this holy Mall to our Heavenly Father. It would be wise for our members to read our newest proclamation as given in our Ensign titled: Beware of Thinking to Much.

“This is not a time to be frightened or to think, but a time for great service and devotion as our Heavenly Father and his first presidency has made it even more possible for you to show your love for this restored gospel.”

[_Wisdom Seeker]

A Blixa Bump