Book Review: The Kolob Theorem by Lynn Hilton

[_Everybody Wang Chung]

This is why I enjoy being a Mormon. In The Kolob Theorem, Lynn Hilton, a man with no training in astro-physics or astronomy, and armed with only the Book of Abraham, tells us why science and its understanding of the universe are completely wrong. We learn that each galaxy in our universe is ruled by a different God and that Kolob is actually a massive black hole in our own galaxy, the Milky Way. The Kolob Theorem is available in its entirety for your reading pleasure: http://hickmanmuseum.homestead.com/the_kolob_theorem.pdf

For those of you unfamiliar with Lynn Hilton, he was a professor at Brigham Young University from 1953-1964. During his time at BYU he served as Associate Dean of Adult Education. He also served in the Utah House of Representatives, but by far his most important accomplishment is that he is the original discoverer of the Lehi Trail in Arabia (see Ensign Magazine “In Search of Lehi’s Trail, September and October, 1976).

The Kolob Theorem in a nutshell completely destroys our previous notions about the universe. Stephen Hawking, String Theory, the Big Bang, Albert Einstein and the Expanding Universe Theory are all shown to be wrong.

Astronomers estimate that our universe has approximately 350 billion galaxies and that at the center of all of these galaxies are massive black holes. From The Kolob Theorem we learn that the Milky Way galaxy is governed by Elohim and that every galaxy (350 billion) is each ruled by a different God. The massive black hole in the center of our Milky Way galaxy is indeed Kolob and that the black holes in every galaxy are also the “Kolob” for that galaxy. The following summarizes some of the more interesting points in the book:

1. Kolob is in the center of our Milky Way galaxy and the Celestial Kingdom extends approximately 16,000 light years from its center. Every galaxy in the universe (all 350 billion) has a Kolob at its center and is ruled by a different God;

2. The farther out from the galactic center you travel, the lessor the kingdom. The Telestial kingdom is close to the galactic core, but far enough away not to be able to enjoy the Celestial glory. Earth is currently located in the Telestial zone of the Milky Way galaxy and the space in between galaxies is outer darkness;

3. If we are righteous and become exalted, we will be given our own galaxy and will live in our galaxy’s black hole in Celestial glory for eternity; and

4. Most of what we know about the universe is wrong.

In conclusion, we all know that a book’s real power is if it can change one’s life. I would like to share a recent letter from my brother and the life changing experience that he had while reading The Kolob Theorem.




Dear brother,

Please allow me to share with you how "The Kolob Theorem" changed my life and allowed me to overcome a severe crisis in my personal life.

At age 41, I found myself in a medium security prison serving 3-5 years for destruction of government property and public intoxication. This was stiff punishment for drunkenly defecating in a mailbox but as the judge pointed out, this was my fourth conviction for the exact same crime. I obviously had an alcohol problem and a deep seeded hatred for the postal system, but even more importantly I was ignoring the very fabric of our metaphysical reality and inviting destructive influences into my life.

My fourth day in prison was the first day that I was allowed in general population and while in the recreation yard I was approached by a prisoner named Cheeks who calmly informed me that as a new prisoner I had been purchased by him for two packs of cigarettes and a diet coke. Cheeks elaborated further that I could expect to be “his bitch” on a daily basis and that I had pretty eyes.

Needless to say, I was deeply shocked that my life had sunk to this level. I was quickly discovering that I was very rape phobic and I was dismayed by my overall personal street value of roughly $10. I returned to my cell and sat very quietly, searching myself for answers on how I could improve my life and distance myself from harmful outside influences. At that point, in what I consider to be a miraculous moment, my cell mate informed me that he knew about the Cheeks situation and that he had something that could solve my problems. He handed me a copy of "The Kolob Theorem". I immediately opened the book and began to read.

The first few chapters dealt with the reality of life, the universe and our place in the eternal scheme of things. The theoretical nature of the first few chapters wasn't exactly putting me at peace. It was when I reached Chapter 6 "The Location of the Three Degrees of Glory" that I realized how this book could help me distance myself from Cheeks and his negative intentions. Starting with chapter six there was a cavity carved into the book and in that cavity was a prison shiv. This particular shiv was a toothbrush with a handle that had been repeatedly melted and ground into a razor sharp point.

The next day in the exercise yard I carried "The Kolob Theorem" with me and when Cheeks approached me I opened the book and stabbed him in the neck several times. The next eight weeks in solitary and the 16 hours per day of absolute darkness made me realize that I do not want to spend eternity in outer darkness or away from our galactic core. I'm not sure that everybody's life will be changed in such a dramatic way by this book but I'm very thankful to have found it and will continue to recommend it heartily.

[_Buffalo]

Mormonism is a vast cornucopia of kookiness. I love it.

[_DarkHelmet]

I lold at your brothers email. One of the funniest things I've read in a while.

[_Infymus]

We learn that each galaxy in our universe is ruled by a different God and that Kolob is actually a massive black hole in our own galaxy, the Milky Way.

The Andromeda galaxy will collide with the Milky Way galaxy in approximately 3 to 5 billion years. Does this mean the Mormon God is going to war with the Andromeda God?

Stupid whack Book of Abraham science.

[_Everybody Wang Chung]

We learn that each galaxy in our universe is ruled by a different God and that Kolob is actually a massive black hole in our own galaxy, the Milky Way.

The Andromeda galaxy will collide with the Milky Way galaxy in approximately 3 to 5 billion years. Does this mean the Mormon God is going to war with the Andromeda God?

Stupid whack Book of Abraham science.

According to Lynn Hilton, there are at least 350 billion different Gods in our universe. I think it would be fair to say that not all of them get along.

Can you imagine the shock of a faithful LDS who makes it to the Celestial Kingdom only to be told that they need to prepare for war against the Andromeda God? Priceless.

[_Tarski]

The sad thing is that if Joseph Smith or BY had taught this stuff (and I guess they did teach some of it), apologists would have figured out multiple ways to defend it.
There is no cut off for apologists in terms of the wackiness of what they are willing to defend. In fact, what is generally believed and defended is no less wacky.

Because of this no apologist has any right at all to laugh at the contents of Lynn's book.

[_cinepro]

It's all falling into place...

Outer darkness?

[_Some Schmo]

Best OP I've read in quite some time. Good stuff.

[_Hades]

How does one go about defecating in a mailbox? That can't be easy. Now, that crap is funny (pun intended).

[_Fence Sitter]

According to Lynn Hilton, there are at least 350 billion different Gods in our universe. I think it would be fair to say that not all of them get along.

Can you imagine the shock of a faithful LDS who makes it to the Celestial Kingdom only to be told that they need to prepare for war against the Andromeda God? Priceless.

No informed person takes the Andromeda threat seriously anymore. We really need to be concerned with the Borg. They have taken this United Order concept way overboard. Though I suppose if 7 of 9 were part of the deal I wouldn't mind assimilation.