Mormons Know My Heart and Motivations Better than I do

[_Daheshist]

Here are just a few incidents where Mormons have "judged" my intents and motivations....and gotten it wrong.

1. When I told Mormons in 1979 that I was confused by the things I read in anti-Mormon books, and was seeking answers, I was told that if I was "living the Gospel" I would have no questions, and I would never be confused. In reality, I was not seeking answers at all, they told me, I was in fact engaging in secret unrepetent sin and looking for "excuses" to continue. But....I DID NOT HAVE secret unrepentant sin, and my quest for answers was sincere.

2. In 1980, a Mormon girl named Suzanne, used to write me love letters, bring me flowers (often three times a week) and baked goods. Rub my knee and leg while we were in her car. Finally, as this went on, I asked her "Are you interested in me romantically". She would not answer....for months. Finally, I demanded an answer. She say, "Well....NAYYYYYYY......HAHAHAHAHAHAHahahahahahahahahahahaHhahahahah" she started to laugh crazily for about five minutes and between the laughter she would say, "Yes! YES! YES!!!!" What she was doing is called "Pulling the rug". This is what some women do to men, in order to "get revenge" upon other men who have used and deceived them. Mormon women have done this to me, at least 4 or 5 times, with many other "attempted rug-pullings" from then until I went completely inactive, but I didn't fall for them because I was "wise" to their games by then. This was time number TWO...because a Mormon girl in high school was number one. I know, I should have learned from the first incident. I was DEVASTED!!! I went to her bishop, and to my bishop, telling them what she was doing. They concluded: I was OBSESSED with her (they believed her lies over my truths). They believed her. She denied that she had written my love letters or that she rubbed my leg, and she told them she brought me food once or twice because she was worried about me not eating, but I "took it all wrong". She said she told me "no, I"m not interested in you" and I would not take no for an answer. BuLL crap!! She lied and lied, and they believed her. I was trying to tell these fools what she was doing to men; punishing me and other men ( I came to find out) for what a particular man, named "David", had done to her (i.e. a man she loved and planned to marry, but who cheated on her TWICE). What she did to me DEVASTATED me, almost to the point of suicide. She later went on a mission to Chile. I went on a mission to California. While in San Jose, her former Zone Leader, a man from Chile, and her former companion, an American Mormon gal from San Jose, got married and moved into the same apartment complex in San Jose as my missionary apartment. Yes! They both served in the Vina del Mar Mission with Suzanne. I asked him, "Did you know a Sister _________. He looked at me strangely, and nodded he did. He told me a story about Suzanne. She was a flirt and tried to get guys to think she loved them and wanted to marry them once she was off her mission, then she would "lower the boom" and laugh. EXACTLY what she did to me! I did not tell this man, nor his wife, what Suzanne had done to me. Not a word. I simply said she had been a friend of mine in Los Angeles. She was doing ON HER MISSION in Vina del Mar Chile what she did to men in LA.; playing the same "game" of Pull-the-Rug! Well, he tells us, in his broken English, "She did to one guy same ting and he go home and he kill he. HE KILL HE!" (he killed himself). This was my first experience to where I began to discover that Mormon bishops were not "common judges in Israel" but rather very ignorant fools. A few exceptions to that "rule' but not many.

3. In 1981, I wrote to the First Presidency, telling them that a Voice had told me that Mark Hofmann, who was then selling documents to the Church, was "a liar and an atheist". I told them Hofmann was forging the documents, and that if he was not stopped now, innocent blood would be shed. In response, via my bishop, I was told "to see professional help" for my "hallucinations" and that the Brethren had "the Spirit of Discernment" which means to try to fool them would be like "trying to Fool God Himself". I also called Church Offices a number of times, and I was told I was "a nut" and "to seek professional help" and "the Brethren know what they are doing" and "Brother Hofmann doesn't have a problem...YOU DO" etc. My bishop, Dennis Smith, asked me: "Darrick, do you believe this Church is run by living Prophets?" I said, "Yes". He said, "Well then, how could ANYTHING EVER go wrong?" In October of 1985, Mark Hofmann killed two innocent people with pipe bombs. As he was arming a third bomb, to kill a third innocent person, he accidently dropped the bomb upon himself and injured himself. He later confessed for forging hundreds of documents, lying to everyone, and killing innocent people (innocent blood shall be shed) as a way to continue his deception. Well...did the people who called me a "conspiracy nut" and "delusional" ever APOLOGIZE to me? No...they hung up the phone on me. That's how Mormons are. By the way, a film is going to be made about the Mark Hofmann episode. Hopefully...production will begin later this year.

4. In 1982, I wrote to the First Presidency, telling them that "Adam-God" could be reconciled with latter-day Revelation (i.e. I said Adam was Michael, Michael was the Holy Ghost, the Holy Ghost is called "God"). I did that thinking I was "helping the Church" resolve a sticky issue that anti-Mormons used against it. In response, the Brethren referred me to Roy Doxy, who basically told me to keep my mouth shut or I'd be excommunicated, and to never talk about Adam-God again in any context with anyone, or else. He accused me of thinking that I was "the One Mighty and Strong" and that I wanted to promote polygamy. But...I DID NOT think I was the One Mighty and Strong, and I WAS NOT trying to promote polygamy. I was trying to help the Church by answering a paradox that was causing many people confusion.

5. Over the years I discovered that my single Mormon friends and roommates were engaging in sex outside of marriage. I would ask them questions like, "Do you want to be exalted?" In my mind, everything is black and white.....if you wish to become a God, and becoming a God is predicated upon "moral" worthiness, then how can you have sex in SECRET and expect to become a God? Made sense to me! To my single male Mormon friends....it made NO sense! They basically told me, "Look! Everybody has sex. YOU would do what WE are doing IF you could, but the girls don't like you. If they did, YOU would be doing what WE are doing, but you can't. You are just ENVIOUS of what we are doing, and you would do it yourself!" Basically, same only story....everyone is a Hypocrite, and you would be one TOO Darrick, if you could, but you can't. But...in fact...I'd been offered sex before by Mormon women (granted...only one of them was sexy), but I declined. Because, I was NOT a hypocrite. I believed that God could "see" me in the dark. They did not. They believed that as long as their stupid bishop didn't know, then God Himself didn't know (or He knew but didn't care). They told me what my "motivation" was: that I was simply upset that I was not doing what they were doing. That's all. But...THEY WERE WRONG! I was not a hypocrite as a Mormon. I took it seriously, in private as well as public. I could NOT understand how THEY thought! Did they REALLY think that God was "okay" with what they were doing? Was God blind in the dark? Even today, I can't grasp their "reasoning". But one thing is for sure.......they were WRONG about my "motivation".

I could keep listing, several per year at least, until 1989 when I finally left the Church (did not formally resign until 1996). Dozens more, but I gotta go. Maybe I'll take this up later. Just to show how ignorant and hypocritical most Mormons are, and they are. Some exceptions, but not many.

Mormons always thought they KNEW my motivation and the intent of my heart better than I did! But...they didn't. They were false accusers, like Lucifer. I like to refer to them now as 'little lucifers'. Like them, they were prideful, arrogant, liars, and false accusers. Ex-Mormons are really no different. To a Hypocrite, all others are hypocrites too. Therefore, everthing I did...in their minds...must have been motivated by sex, SEX, money, greed, ego, and covering-up hidden sin. Everything. But, in my case, NONE of these things were my motivation. My "Mormon Experience" has been: no good deed went unpunished. I've come to see over 30 years that Mormon culture is really a culture of Hypocrisy. Mormons are "raised" form birth to be hypocrites. Perhaps it is not their fault. They were raised to be as they are. Ex-Mormons don't suddenly "change". They simply lose faith in the Church and Joseph Smith. But their essential hypocritical natures remain.

Please read my post below "Open Letter to Elder Jensen and the Brethren".