What The LDS Church Tells Young Women

[_Madison54]

The reason why Church leaders want Mormon women to marry young is NOT because Church leaders are sexists (maybe they are, but that is not why they want Mormon women to marry young), but because the longer a Mormon woman puts off marriage, the "larger" her circle of non-LDS friends and acquaintances become, and the more likely she will marry and/or shack up with a non-LDS male.

This is so true. Same with how they are harping on the young men to get married as soon as they return home from their missions (and immediately start a family having little Mormon babies).

I also believe this is why they have the age set at 21 years of age for women to serve a mission. Hopefully, they will be married prior to this....but if not, they do all they can to get them out on a mission at 21 as this keeps them in the church.

If a woman reaches the age of 21 and hasn't been snatched up yet....what else could she possibly have to do with her life if she isn't married??? Why....go on a mission if you have "nothing else to do"!!

[Guest]

Darkhelmet wrote:

For some reason you got me thinking about a young woman in a ward we used to attend. She grew up in the ward, and her parents still attended, so everyone still treated her like brother so and so's daughter, even though she was in her mid-20s, a college graduate, software developer, probably made a decent salary, and she owned her own home and lived alone. She's a rally great person, but for whatever reason she hasn't found a man. From what I can tell, she seems like someone who has her life together, but I wonder how much pressure is being put on her to get married and have kids and move out of her parent's ward. How much pressure is she putting on herself? She is overweight, and self conscious about it, and she probably thinks that's the reason she's not married. It's unfortunate that someone like her (college graduate, computer programmer, home owner, all on her own) can't be used as a role model for young women. I think instead she is a cautionary tale.

Dear Darkhelmet,

Men don't give a RAT'S FURRY LITTLE ASS if a woman is a software engineer, a "great gal", or have 149 patents registered, or have five damned Ph.Ds!!!! MEN DO NOT CARE ABOUT THAT!!!!! They care ONLY how "SEXY" she is....that' all!!!! Get a clue! The gal is NOT married because she is FAT. That's it. Have her take a Sabbatical, go to a fat farm, lose some weight, work out a little, and she'll have NO trouble finding a man (unless she's butt ugly of course). Get her signed up to Weight Watchers. Have her pop her zits, get a nice haircut, lose weight, work out, maybe get a tan if her skin is bad, have her teeth cleaned, get some sexy outfits (after she loses the weight), and believe me, men (Mormon and Gentile) will want to marry her no problem. The Animal Brain in men says: "Hey, she's fat. Oh, she must be pregnant. So, dude, don't get turned on by her, because she's somebody's elses bitch, and she has a kid in her, so...yeah...don't get excited! DO NOT desire her!" If she loses the weight, she'll get married, or at least she'll get plenty of opportunities.

Also, should the Church put this gal up as an "example" to others? YES....an example for other fat women. Meaning....fat Mormon women should stay in college, because no man is going to want them, so it is best they get as much education as possible. Absolutely. But should she put forth as an EXAMPLE to ALL Mormon women? I highly doubt it. If that gal is active in the Church, she is probably NOT having sex. If she IS having sex, she is NOT an example to follow. If she is NOT having sex, she probably WANTS to find a man to love her and marry her!!! If she is a Lesbian, and celibate, and active, God bless her. But I doubt it. More likely, she WANTS to get married and have children, but no man wants her back. So, she is NOT an example to anyone but other FAT LDS women who can't find a man (of any kind). The Church used to send fat Mormon women on missions. In my mission (California San Jose 1983-85) all of the Sister Missionaries were FAT. 100% of them were. I understand that changed later, and you get a "mix" now. But all were FAT. Yes, it is BEST that the Church take the fat ones aside and say: "Look, YOU need to forget about marriage and children in this life. Your reward will be in the Resurrection. Get a great education, the BEST you can get! Get involved in your career, making money, and in Church callings, and FORGET about marriage and family in this life!!!" Absolutely. In fact, this is what the Stake President of Lacey Washington Stake told a fat gal I once dated. And he was right. Don't give them false hope. Tell them the way it is. It will be hurtful, but TRUTH often hurts.

Yes...I KNOW...I'm LOSER....yes I know, you don't have to tell me. Yes, I could probably marry a FAT woman and have a kid, but....I can't. Marriage usually involves sex.

[_zeezrom]

Go to lds.org and do this little test:

Go to "advanced search" and type the exact phrase for "roles of men" and you will find 24 hits. Note that each and every hit comes from the phrase "roles of men and women".

Now, change your exact phrase search to "roles of women". Note how many of these are not from the phrase "roles of men and women".

There certainly is a focus on the roles of women. Nobody really talks about men's roles in the church. What does that teach our youngsters? That men can do anything but women are in a box. They warn us against objectifying the woman. Stop objectifying the woman, LDS! She is not an object in a box, dammit!

[_zeezrom]

I wish the YM/Elders/HP organizations would emphasize homemaking in their instruction curriculum. It would also be fun if they included sewing.

http://www.lds.org/manual/young-women-m ... homemaking

http://www.lds.org/manual/the-latter-da ... production

[_Buffalo]

Go to lds.org and do this little test:

Go to "advanced search" and type the exact phrase for "roles of men" and you will find 24 hits. Note that each and every hit comes from the phrase "roles of men and women".

Now, change your exact phrase search to "roles of women". Note how many of these are not from the phrase "roles of men and women".

There certainly is a focus on the roles of women. Nobody really talks about men's roles in the church. What does that teach our youngsters? That men can do anything but women are in a box. They warn us against objectifying the woman. Stop objectifying the woman, LDS! She is not an object in a box, dammit!

[_zeezrom]

Buff,

We watched that movie last night!

[Guest]

Let me reiterate.....

*The Brethren get letters from Mormon women in their 40s and 50s ALL THE TIME, every single day, that go somewhat like this:

"Dear President Monson,

I am a single Mormon woman living in WhotheHellKnows Idaho. I served a mission to Butthole Bolivia from 1990-91. I have had many Church callings. I've been to the Temple 12 googul times, and also paid tithing faithfully. I have a Ph.D. in Engineering from M.I.T., and a J.D. from Harvard, and a
M.S. in Nursing from the University of Utah. I own two homes. I am now 43 years old. I greatly desire NOW to get married and have a family, but no single Mormon men seem to want to date me! I've tried and tried, and cried and cried. I prayed on my knees for a worthy man to be sent to me until my knees were raw and bleeding, but no worthy LDS man has come forward. Can you please tell me what is WRONG with these men?

Sincere,

Molly H. Morman"

President Monson's secretary will write back saying:

"Dear Sister Morman,

President Monson knows about your concerns [actually...he doesn't...he's not read her letter] and appreciates the sacrifices you have made for the Lord's Kingdom. He asked me to tell you [no...he didn't] that the Lord dearly loves you, and knows that sometime in the eternities God will richly bless you with the blessings of motherhood and celestial glory if you remain faithful to His Church. God bless you,

A. Snob
Secretary to President Monson"

This is how "I" would respond to Molly H. Morman:

"Dear Molly,

President Monson doesn't read any of the mail addressed to him unless he knows the person addressing him. We get 100s a letters a day, and if he read them all, he would spend 16 hours a day reading letters, and he has other duties. So, he has me and others read them and respond. You want to know why worthy LDS men are not dating you. I will tell you my own personal opinion: Men dig young women. Why is that? Probably has to do with the "instinct" to mate with young women, who can have more and healthier children. But guys don't "think" that. All they know, is that young women turn them on, and older women (usually) do not turn them on (some exceptions but not many). And Mormon men are no different from other men in this area. Your educational accomplishments are indeed impressive, but, the fact remains, men don't give a Tartar's turd about your educational accomplishments! If you are fat, then I'd forget about finding a man to take to the Temple, and if you are REALLY FAT I'd forget any man at all, unless of course he's a black felon fresh out of prison and needing a woman to take care of him because he can't find a job doing anything and he doesn't feel like going back to crime too soon. Then, you might have a chance at "love" and a child at this life. However, if you are not fat, we've found that highly accomplished Mormon women such as yourself, expect to find a Mormon male who's as accomplished as yourself, if not more so. Well, honey, its time to wake up and smell the decaffinated Postum...because....Mormon men who are wealthy or highly accomplished don't want women your age. Simple at that. They want as young as they come! They marry the fresh little nubile 18 year old honies as they bounce into the Young Adult Wards for the first time. So, unless you are willing to marry ANY worthy LDS man, even one who pumps gas but is morally worthy and active in the Church, I'm afraid you can FORGET about Temple marriage and a family in this life. Sorry if these statements sound harsh, but TRUTH is often harsh. If you are not fat, you can find a worthy active LDS male, who is probably poor or certainly not as accomplished as you. Eat some crow and you can have marriage and family in this life. If you are FAT, sign up for Weight Watchers and lose the weight, and you'll get at least some LDS men wanting to marry you. Simple as that. Up to you. Anyway, these are decisions you will have to make. Please make them prayerfully. Take care.

A. Soberman
Secretary to President Monson"

THE REASON WHY Mormon WOMEN ARE ENCOURAGED TO GET MARRIED ____EARLY_____ IS BECAUSE THE BRETHREN GET 100 LETTERS A DAY FROM OLDER Mormon WOMEN WHO HAVE GONE TO COLLEGE BUT NOW IN THEIR 40s CANNOT FIND A MAN TO MARRY!!! Simple as that.

I wish the YM/Elders/HP organizations would emphasize homemaking in their instruction curriculum. It would also be fun if they included sewing.

http://www.lds.org/manual/young-women-m ... homemaking

http://www.lds.org/manual/the-latter-da ... production

[_Buffalo]

Buff,

We watched that movie last night!

Woah! We must be on the same psychic wavelength!

[_Jason Bourne]

The pressure to marry and have children is immense. Certainly you see that.
The ideal that is perpetuated is to get married in the temple to a "worthy priesthood holder" asap and to not put off having children for worldly reasons.
The ideal is to be a stay-at-home mom. The ideal is for a woman's hopes and dreams to take backseat to that of her husband. He is the provider so his education and career are more important than hers. If hers are deemed important at all, that is.

As is the pressure for a man to go out, be successful, hold callings, contribute substantially to family time, help around the house etc. Men get a lot of pressure for their roles too.

I do not mean to minimize the emphasis that women get because all you say it true. The OP article made some good points but it misconstrued some things as well. Men and women need each other to be exalted in LDS teaching. And I have even heard it said a man has no excuse if he does not marry. He will not get a second chance but a women will. I also thought the article was a bit over board on the prophet is never, ever, wrong. Though members do act like it a lot in the Church, infallibility is not LDS doctrine

Yes, there are mothers who work, but it is usually done apologetically. It is not socially acceptable to be a mother who actually ENJOYS working and WANTS to work. You may find a few women here and there who will say, I am better as a working mom and I enjoy it, but it is very rare in my experience.

I would have loved to be a stay at home dad. I was much of the time while in collage. If my wife had a career that earned what I did I would have been happy to stay home. As it was, she loved her work but it paid next to nothing. So she did it part time up till 2010 when she decided to be done. She worked less when the kids were little and increased it as they grew up. I was not always happy about it because for me the economic benefits were no where near the cost of the more difficult lifestyle of a two worker family. On the other hand it made her very happy so I was pleased about that part too. It was a mixed bag to be honest.

It's also not socially acceptable to be completely happy and satisfied as a single. You have to want to get married, you are supposed to want to have children

Yep

[_harmony]

Dear Darkhelmet,

Men don't give a RAT'S FURRY LITTLE ASS if a woman is a software engineer, a "great gal", or have 149 patents registered, or have five f*****g Ph.Ds!!!! MEN DO NOT CARE ABOUT THAT!!!!! They care ONLY how "SEXY" she is....that' all!!!! Get a clue! The gal is NOT married because she is FAT.

So what do you say to the single women in their 30's who have a successful career, own their own home, and are beautiful, in excellent physical condition, and wear a size 8?

'Cause I know a lot of those (some of whom would cut off your balls and feed them to you...).