Feet of the News

[_moksha]

Excommunications Due in Footwear Department
Special to the Salt Lake Tribune, Updated 1 hour ago

SALT LAKE CITY - (AP) In what has been called the September 8 1/2 Double EE, there has been a mass excommunication of sandal wearers in this "City of the Saints".

Recently the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-Day Saints (Mormon) had announced that sandals would no longer be permitted on Church property. This was followed by the pronouncements of radial Bishop LaMar E. Haverly, who led a group of equally radical women in protesting this sandal crackdown during the recent LDS General Conference.

Sister Jones, Relief Society President, challenged "the integrity and obedience of these sandal worshipers" in what she termed is "highly inappropriate footwear in the house of the Lord. Elder Holland said that when we go to church, we shouldn’t look like we’re going to the beach. That’s what he said. I didn’t say it. Elder Holland said it. Now I don’t know about you, but I want to follow the prophet as closely as I can. And when I think about going to the beach, I think of flip flops.”

Haverly came under fire by both Sister Jones and her Relief Society sisters for declining to enforce the new sandal revelation and Scott Gordon, President of FAIRMormon, the militant apologetic wing of the Church, who flatly stated that disobedience to footwear regulation would not be permitted without heavenly retribution and and earthly tribunal.

Ex-bishop Haverly has withstood the pressure in saying that he will continue to preach what he calls the “non-shoe-related doctrines” of the LDS faith, but feels regret at the loss of his both his job at Smoot-Packer Advertising and his family.

[_moksha]

Moksha, this is not really news worth reading or responding to in any meaningful manner. Try something of a racial or extreme political nature if you wish to spark a conversation.