Blaming Parents vs. Mourning with Those Who Mourn

[_Sammy Jankins]

Blaming Parents vs. Mourning with Those Who Mourn

However, we watched a clip of David Bednar addressing some general authority group talking about the demographic that most frequently leaves the church and he made a statement to the effect that if teenagers (the aforementioned group) leave the church it’s because of inadequate gospel teaching and living in the home. To me, this was nothing more than a serving of guilt-pie. But the kind that I’ve grown accustomed to ignoring.

One of the most painful aspects of leaving is knowing the pain it clauses your parents.

[_malkie]

Kind of the inverse of blaming the parents, but what the he11:

When my son was being set apart for his mission he was blessed that, through his faithfulness and hard work in the mission field, I would become active and faithful again.

Needless to say, although that was 15+ years ago, I'm still inactive, and still far from a believer.

I'm sorry for how this must have made him feel, but even to avoid his pain I could not go back to faithful activity - not at all, not even pretend.

[_sock puppet]

Blaming Parents vs. Mourning with Those Who Mourn
the demographic that most frequently leaves the church and he made a statement to the effect that if teenagers (the aforementioned group)

Youth obviously is not wasted on the young. They grow up now with information available, and the Mormon lies are having less of an effect.

ETA: Even with the gap between high school and mission age having been closed a couple of years ago, teenagers are yet the demographic that most often leaves? Outstanding!

[_moksha]

I can sympathize with Elder Bednar. If one makes the sound, "Blah, blah" then it is almost impossible not to follow it up with "Blah, blah, blah". Sort of an autonomic thing to do.

Mourning for the loss of these members should not mean shifting the blame onto them or anyone else.

[_deacon blues]

This is an example of how a gospel of "works" gets it wrong. God's grace is what will really save us and our families in the end. Those who try earn God's love and blessings are always going to struggle with either false pride or hopeless inadequacy.

[_Polygamy-Porter]

Blaming Parents vs. Mourning with Those Who Mourn

However, we watched a clip of David Bednar addressing some general authority group talking about the demographic that most frequently leaves the church and he made a statement to the effect that if teenagers (the aforementioned group) leave the church it’s because of inadequate gospel teaching and living in the home. To me, this was nothing more than a serving of guilt-pie. But the kind that I’ve grown accustomed to ignoring.

One of the most painful aspects of leaving is knowing the pain it clauses your parents.

Live your own life bro. They will be dead and gone and you will be stuck in Mormonism as much as they were.

I never understood this. People treat their parents like they are little children. "Oh, I could never leave the church and hurt my par'wents feewings like that.."

[_Sammy Jankins]

Live your own life bro. They will be dead and gone and you will be stuck in Mormonism as much as they were.

I never understood this. People treat their parents like they are little children. "Oh, I could never leave the church and hurt my par'wents feewings like that.."

I never advocated that anyone stay in Mormonism to spare their parents feelings. But yes I care about my parents. Not everyone wants to be a callous jackass like you.

[_Chap]

Live your own life bro. They will be dead and gone and you will be stuck in Mormonism as much as they were.

I never understood this. People treat their parents like they are little children. "Oh, I could never leave the church and hurt my par'wents feewings like that.."

I never advocated that anyone stay in Mormonism to spare their parents feelings. But yes I care about my parents. Not everyone wants to be a callous jackass like you.

The expressions used by PP are certainly not nice.

But I basically agree with the thrust of what he says. You just have this one life, and if you are false to yourself in order to avoid your parents ever feeling distress, I am sorry to say that the result seems sometimes not be a sense of gratitude on the parents' side, but an ever expanding sense of entitlement on their part, plus an enduring resentment that you could ever have considered doing something that they might not like, even if you didn't.

Then, eventually, they die or cease to notice, and there you are having lived a large part of your life, your only life ever, being false to yourself in order to satisfy someone else who very often lived their own life just the way they wanted to. They even got to live some of their childrens' lives too ...

That's too high a price for anyone. Parents have no right to expect it. If they had children on the basis that the children would never make a choice that might hurt them, then they mistook what having children is about.

[_I have a question]

But then I looked at my wife sitting next to me as she tried unsuccessfully to hold back tears of pain as she wrote a note to herself: “We said family prayer. We went to church. We did family home evening. We did weekly service projects during the summer and holiday season. We read scriptures, and my son left the church. WHAT ELSE CAN I DO? We taught him to think for himself. We taught him to ask questions and not accept easy answers to difficult questions. I taught him to use his agency. I would NEVER change that. Does he make choices that are different than the ones I might have chosen? Yes. But does that make those choices wrong? NO.”

Looking at my beloved suffer was more than I could bear, so I raised my hand.

I called Bednar’s statement “a steaming heap of guilt crap served up to parents who don’t know what to do with what is already on their plates.” I stated that I’m willing to grant Bednar good intentions, but sometimes hurtful statements are just hurtful statements. I said some other things, but in my emotional excitement, I don’t remember them.

The member of the stake presidency who was teaching the lesson tried to shut me down…maybe I was misinterpreting…maybe I misheard…maybe…

And then the craziest thing happened. As the brother from the stake was trying to close down what I was saying, someone else interrupted him and said, “Jon’s right. That’s what he [Bednar] said, and it’s garbage. God lost 1/3 of his kids, does that mean he wasn’t teaching and living the gospel well enough?”

Bednar is just trying to absolve the Church and his cohorts of any and all accountability for the activity stats. He is throwing parents (including Heavenly ones) under the bus to do so. As the article shows, members just ain't that sheeplike anymore.

[_DarkHelmet]

Live your own life bro. They will be dead and gone and you will be stuck in Mormonism as much as they were.

I never understood this. People treat their parents like they are little children. "Oh, I could never leave the church and hurt my par'wents feewings like that.."

I know a guy who came out of the closet at middle age, to everyone but his parents. He didn't want to upset them. The family wasn't even Mormon. It's human nature to not want to hurt those you love, and the church exploits that to maximum effect.