mixed family faith, mutual respect

[_RockSlider]

Well, I'm angry again ...

I have grown adult children with their own children. I try and send occasional "love-bombs" on major events - such as the recent leaked videos.

I try and link the source material and encourage discussion. It's always total silence from my children. This is via a common family text group, which they all frequent. These always end in tension with my TBM wife who needs to protect her children.

She maintains its a two way street of respect, I maintain its a two way street of a crappy compromise, not respect.

The compromise is the never address and forever allow the elephant in the room and I remain silent.

Age old I know, but BS on the likes of this guy: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=s7gEPqx5lz8 who gets his family out and calls for live (silent) and let the elephant live.

Some of the people recently falling from the church today seem to be doing it so care-feel and life if beautiful, add these two to the list: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=qwmkxc_9kTY

Good god LDSInc has haunted me for 16 years now, and it's the gift that keeps on giving.

Are others really escaping this and its just me?


and this just keeps coming back:

viewtopic.php?f=1&t=38646&p=901995#p901995

[_candygal]

You are justified in your anger. There is a difference between compromise and some sort of acceptance...or at least open to your thoughts and ideas. It is a gift that keeps on giving. My extended family have pretty much disowned me..which is okay but not okay for my kids..they have done nothing wrong.

Hugs to you Rockslider..in our world it is hopeful to think and yet sad..that some people will just have to find things out the hard way. Wishing you the very best in shaking all this crap out of our lives and get on with it.

[_Mormonicious]

Well, I'm angry again ...

I have grown adult children with their own children. I try and send occasional "love-bombs" on major events - such as the recent leaked videos.

I try and link the source material and encourage discussion. It's always total silence from my children. This is via a common family text group, which they all frequent. These always end in tension with my TBM wife who needs to protect her children.

She maintains its a two way street of respect, I maintain its a two way street of a **** compromise, not respect.

The compromise is the never address and forever allow the elephant in the room and I remain silent.

Age old I know, but BS on the likes of this guy: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=s7gEPqx5lz8 who gets his family out and calls for live (silent) and let the elephant live.

Some of the people recently falling from the church today seem to be doing it so care-feel and life if beautiful, add these two to the list: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=qwmkxc_9kTY

Good god LDSInc has haunted me for 16 years now, and it's the gift that keeps on giving.

Are others really escaping this and its just me?


and this just keeps coming back:

http://mormondiscussions.com/phpBB3/vie ... 95#p901995

Whenever my TBM wife starts her condemnation of me "guiding" my children in Truth and Light, I simply ask her which 14 year old girl in the neighborhood I should “F” like Horny Holy Joe. Or which of her ward friends I should “F” like Horny Holy Joe.

[_toon]

Sorry, and totally understandable.

I was fortunate enough that, while I had left long ago, my wife was only lukewarm, never a TBM. So even though my first two kids were raised in the church, going to primary, YM/YW, etc., I was able to freely state my opinions without my wife challenging them too much. In other words, I was allowed to teach them by my example, which was the example of someone who thought it was all a bunch of BS. And the key was, my wife wasn't someone who thought she needed to indoctrinate them otherwise. So those two are out, and by out, I mean they don't consider themselves to be LDS in any sense of the word -- they don't even see any need for an exmo community of support.

But I think it would have been completely different if my wife had been a faithful TBM and had tried to raise them to be ones too.

Fortunately now, she doesn't believe anymore either.

[_RockSlider]

Whenever my TBM wife starts her condemnation of me "guiding" my children in Truth and Light, I simply ask her which 14 year old girl in the neighborhood I should “F” like Horny Holy Joe. Or which of her ward friends I should “F” like Horny Holy Joe.

ok, that cheered me right up ... big smile on this face

[_Red Ryder]

Sadly I find myself in the same situation Rock. Only for nearly 12 years. I initially went along to get along which only allowed for the elephant to grow bigger with each passing year. Fortunately this also meant I was able to watch my kids grow up and not be replaced by some priesthood holding step daddy. Now that they are old enough, they are beginning to see the Mormon product for what it is and it's driving their mother to feel like a failure while I take the brunt of the blame. I'm ok with that. However it's created deep deep resentment because her fairy tale family has been compromised by my unbelief.

I fully recognize that I changed the dynamic of our relationship but I won't let the church off that easy. They will have to convince my kids the Mormon product stands on it's own merits as I continually discredit any and all assumptions that it does.

[_RockSlider]

I fully recognize that I changed the dynamic of our relationship but I won't let the church off that easy. They will have to convince my kids the Mormon product stands on it's own merits as I continually discredit any and all assumptions that it does.

amen .... I noted from your posting on nom that our situations are very similar. You seemed well respected there and a good man. Kudo's to ya for that.

[_Jersey Girl]

Well, I'm angry again ...

I have grown adult children with their own children. I try and send occasional "love-bombs" on major events - such as the recent leaked videos.

I try and link the source material and encourage discussion.

What is your goal in sending them and encouraging discussion?

[_DrW]

Our mixed faith (more faith, less faith, no-faith) family, now numbering more than 30 souls, seems to have worked things out pretty well. This may be due, in part I think, to the fact that my wife and I live about 3,000 miles from the rest of the family. (However, there is near daily interaction with many of the kids and grandkids.)

The cost to me is that I must refrain from pointing out any negative aspects of Mormonism unless someone else brings up the subject (which one or two of them do now and then just to allow dad to vent).

They understand the reasons for my science centered worldview and associated agnosticism. They know that, while I respect the fact that they have the responsibility for their own well being, and that of their children, I do not agree with their unfounded beliefs.

Their position is more or less this: while Mormonism may not be what it claims, it still provides a nurturing and safe community for the children and instills in them "family values".

They believe that Mormonism is responsible for our own family's "family values", which are important to them. I cannot effectively argue against that point, since I did not 'come out' as a non-believer until the oldest kids were in high school.

There is, however, a bright spot (I think). It is becoming increasingly clear, practically by the day now, that the LDS Church is not what it claims to be - that is has lied, and continues to lie, to the world and its members, and that its leadership is out of touch, bigoted and otherwise misguided and ineffectual.

If I can just continue to keep my mouth shut on the issue, I'm pretty confident that Church will eventually do the job of disaffecting my family.

The situation reminds me of a presidential campaign in which the more liberal candidate is wise to keep relatively quiet while the right wing candidate continues to unveil the moral rot of fundamentalism and the ultimate cost to civil society of unfounded belief. They don't call themselves Alt-(alternate reality)-Right for nothing.

[_RockSlider]

What is your goal in sending them and encouraging discussion?

1. To lessen the impact of Mormonism on my 3 granddaughters and 3 grandsons.
2. To cry out a voice of warning to my children to avoid the regrets that I have for indoctrinating and locking them into the actual/real cult aspects of LDSInc, to break the cycle.
a. by notifying them of milestone events in their religion of which they will never see/consider being very chapel Mormon.

For example, this recent blowup was over the leaked video with the inactive youth statistics, mixed with Ballard's introduction of the inoculation plan (Doctrinal Mastery) to the CES employees. I linked up the video and Ballard's talk and tried to explain to them that their children's seminary teachers (still years away for all of them) will be introducing their children to the essays and a new, Nuanced Mormonism of which they have not been introduced to themselves.

There have been two GC's now since CES employees were told that it would fall to them and "faithful LDS scholars" to inoculate the youth. I asked them why, as parents they have not been instructed by the GA's to inoculate their own children. Ballard emphasized that even he and the brethren sought counsel with each other and if they still lacked answers they turned to the faithful LDS scholars. I asked them why the FP and Q12 would be turning to scholars for doctrinal questions.

I pointed out that Givens, Hardy, Mason and the new guard at BYU-MI were the scholars being referred to and that they should make themselves aware of the Nuanced Mormonism which they are aiming at the youth.

If I had not gone far enough already, I suggested that they at least move away from indoctrinating them to old school Objective truth and teach then the Nuanced Mormonism now (which is basically humanism mixed with the cult lock in of orthopraxy based on the TR interview questions). The purpose here would be to avoid the violent cognitive dissonance which will hit them when the inoculation starts in their teens in seminary (known or unknown to clueless parents).

Sitting and suffering in silence while a passive elephant remains in the room is one thing, remaining in silence when a father, yes even patriarch sees danger and remains silent is another.