10 year old wants to convert so she'll have friends

[_Maksutov]

A friend of mine has told me she's concerned about her ten year old daughter. They are not LDS but her daughter is asking if she can become a member, even a "jack Mormon", so her friends will accept her.

Have any of you dealt with this, living in Utah? What did you do? The family is not religious or interested in any other such group.

I find this sad and outrageous.

[_Dr Exiled]

I grew up in slc and observed the exclusion of non-member kids and some member kids first-hand. I even had an argument with a g.a. wife in the ward because she announced that only certain kids could play with her kids and a good friend of mine was excluded. He was Mormon but had an alcoholic, physically abusive father and his older brothers acted out periodically and so did he. Instead of opening her arms to the kid (9 years old at the time), he was prohibited from coming on her property. The g.a. family moved shortly thereafter because our neighborhood that included many other g.a. families was supposedly a bad influence.

[_Maksutov]

I grew up in Salt Lake City too, as a "non-member". It's very hard making friends when your church membership is a critical condition. You are never "worthy" of association.

[_Quasimodo]

A friend of mine has told me she's concerned about her ten year old daughter. They are not LDS but her daughter is asking if she can become a member, even a "jack Mormon", so her friends will accept her.

Have any of you dealt with this, living in Utah? What did you do? The family is not religious or interested in any other such group.

I find this sad and outrageous.

This is probably why I'm on this board. Much like the "Dreamers", I was brought to Utah as a toddler through no fault of my own. My dream wasn't to stay there, though. It was to leave as soon as possible. I eventually managed it when I was in my twenties.

Being a non-Mormon kid growing up in SLC in the fifties and sixties was not a great experience for me. Neighbors would not allow their children to play with me. I didn't get invited to some of my friends birthday parties. It was at times hurtful and as I got older, it made me resentful and defiant.

It wasn't until after I moved to a different State that I realized how uncomfortable I was living in Utah. I think things are a little better in SLC now, but not in small towns.

Sorry, I don't have any good advise for your friend about her daughter other than to suggest that she explain to her that she is being discriminated against and the people around her will not change. Moving was the only thing that worked for me.

[_Amore]

We went to another ward for a while, and my neighbor thought we were inactive so she said her kids couldn't play with my kids. For a while, I really was careful and worried not to let neighbors know what I really thought about the church, for fear of my kids' negative social treatment. I've loosened up a bit for several reasons, one being that the truth sometimes hurts, but sometimes it's better to know it earlier than later. The truth is that Mormonism provides an excellent (often unbeatable) social network of instant friends, BUT such friendships are very conditional. My kids have learned this. In a way, our neighbor being so mean was a gift because it helped open my kids' eyes to this conditional nature.

I realize it's not nearly as convenient, but if I were the mom of that girl, I'd try to reach out to other groups - like 4-H, sports, clubs, possibly private or charter schools, or other youth groups that would help provide a more religiously diverse option of friends. But I'd also explain to her that genuine, good friends are relatively rare - so when you find one, cherish them.

[_Maksutov]

A friend of mine has told me she's concerned about her ten year old daughter. They are not LDS but her daughter is asking if she can become a member, even a "jack Mormon", so her friends will accept her.

Have any of you dealt with this, living in Utah? What did you do? The family is not religious or interested in any other such group.

I find this sad and outrageous.

This is probably why I'm on this board. Much like the "Dreamers", I was brought to Utah as a toddler through no fault of my own. My dream wasn't to stay there, though. It was to leave as soon as possible. I eventually managed it when I was in my twenties.

Being a non-Mormon kid growing up in Salt Lake City in the fifties and sixties was not a great experience for me. Neighbors would not allow their children to play with me. I didn't get invited to some of my friends birthday parties. It was at times hurtful and as I got older, it made me resentful and defiant.

It wasn't until after I moved to a different State that I realized how uncomfortable I was living in Utah. I think things are a little better in Salt Lake City now, but not in small towns.

Sorry, I don't have any good advise for your friend about her daughter other than to suggest that she explain to her that she is being discriminated against and the people around her will not change. Moving was the only thing that worked for me.

You speak to my own experience, Quasi. Unfortunately, my friend can't move because her ex-spouse won't allow it. I've advised her to create or find a "gentile ghetto" along the Wasatch Front. I wish I could offer more. Her daughter may have a lot of pain and loneliness ahead.

[_Amore]

I think people often "know not what they do." I remember trying to kind of push my sister into becoming active again - I meant well, but now I realize it was rude and assuming.

Some people on this forum have kind of treated me as TBMs treated them, simply because I haven't believed in some leftists ideologies.

The ugly but real truth is that people have conditions and usually care only if you do or think or say as they want you to. Otherwise "you have no promise."

[_Quasimodo]

You speak to my own experience, Quasi. Unfortunately, my friend can't move because her ex-spouse won't allow it. I've advised her to create or find a "gentile ghetto" along the Wasatch Front. I wish I could offer more. Her daughter may have a lot of pain and loneliness ahead.

If I was forced to move back to Utah, Park City would be the only town I would consider (especially if I had young kids). My niece and her husband own a condo in PC and spend quite a bit of their time there. It's like an oasis in Deseret.

[_Jersey Girl]

I could tell you stories! I'll just tell one. A super nice LDS boy had a crush on one of my daughters in 6th grade and he didn't make a secret of it. He just loved her. He had written her a love note before the first school dance. Her first ever love note. She was showing it to her LDS girlfriend (they were waiting with the girl's mother to pick up more students for the dance) and the mother asked to see the note.

And she wouldn't give it back to her! My daughter called me from the dance (no cell phones back then) in tears to tell me about it. I asked her if she wanted me to step in and she said no. Of course the boy was at the dance so they were going to have a nice time in spite of what had happened. I'm sure the mother destroyed the note as soon as she dropped the kids off--bitch.

Same girlfriend, same mother and same boy. Get this. One day, she was in the van going some place with her girlfriend and the boy was in the van being driven by the girlfriend's mother. The mother made it a point to say right in front of my daughter "You're going to marry a good Mormon girl one day, right (insert name)?"

6th grade, people!

[_Maksutov]

I could tell you stories! I'll just tell one. A super nice LDS boy had a crush on one of my daughters in 6th grade and he didn't make a secret of it. He just loved her. He had written her a love note before the first school dance. Her first ever love note. She was showing it to her LDS girlfriend (they were waiting with the girl's mother to pick up more students for the dance) and the mother asked to see the note.

And she wouldn't give it back to her! My daughter called me from the dance (no cell phones back then) in tears to tell me about it. I asked her if she wanted me to step in and she said no. Of course the boy was at the dance so they were going to have a nice time in spite of what had happened. I'm sure the mother destroyed the note as soon as she dropped the kids off--bitch.

Same girlfriend, same mother and same boy. Get this. One day, she was in the van going some place with her girlfriend and the boy was in the van being driven by the girlfriend's mother. The mother made it a point to say right in front of my daughter "You're going to marry a good Mormon girl one day, right (insert name)?"

6th grade, people!

Wow.

How do you deal with stuff like that?