10 year old wants to convert so she'll have friends

[_deacon blues]

It can vary from neighborhood to neighborhood here in Utah. When my daughter and her husband bought their first home they were accepted warmly despite her being a NOM. They moved to another neighborhood and as my seven year old grandson puts it, "kids aren't as relaxed as our old neighborhood." My daughter seems to feel a little excluded because she speaks her mind in Sunday School class.

[_deacon blues]

A friend of mine has told me she's concerned about her ten year old daughter. They are not LDS but her daughter is asking if she can become a member, even a "jack Mormon", so her friends will accept her.

Have any of you dealt with this, living in Utah? What did you do? The family is not religious or interested in any other such group.

I find this sad and outrageous.

This is probably why I'm on this board. Much like the "Dreamers", I was brought to Utah as a toddler through no fault of my own. My dream wasn't to stay there, though. It was to leave as soon as possible. I eventually managed it when I was in my twenties.

Being a non-Mormon kid growing up in Salt Lake City in the fifties and sixties was not a great experience for me. Neighbors would not allow their children to play with me. I didn't get invited to some of my friends birthday parties. It was at times hurtful and as I got older, it made me resentful and defiant.

It wasn't until after I moved to a different State that I realized how uncomfortable I was living in Utah. I think things are a little better in Salt Lake City now, but not in small towns.

Sorry, I don't have any good advise for your friend about her daughter other than to suggest that she explain to her that she is being discriminated against and the people around her will not change. Moving was the only thing that worked for me.

I grew up in Rexburg Idaho in the sixties and seventies, and kids were excluded from some social events for not being LDS. Dating was a challenge for some non-members. My best friend was non-LDS and I think he felt LDS girls (95% of our high school) wouldn't date him. When he started dating one LDS girl (while I was on my mission) my sister told me of rumors that he got drunk a lot, which was totally ridiculous.

[_Jersey Girl]

I could tell you stories! I'll just tell one. A super nice LDS boy had a crush on one of my daughters in 6th grade and he didn't make a secret of it. He just loved her. He had written her a love note before the first school dance. Her first ever love note. She was showing it to her LDS girlfriend (they were waiting with the girl's mother to pick up more students for the dance) and the mother asked to see the note.

And she wouldn't give it back to her! My daughter called me from the dance (no cell phones back then) in tears to tell me about it. I asked her if she wanted me to step in and she said no. Of course the boy was at the dance so they were going to have a nice time in spite of what had happened. I'm sure the mother destroyed the note as soon as she dropped the kids off--bitch.

Same girlfriend, same mother and same boy. Get this. One day, she was in the van going some place with her girlfriend and the boy was in the van being driven by the girlfriend's mother. The mother made it a point to say right in front of my daughter "You're going to marry a good Mormon girl one day, right (insert name)?"

6th grade, people!

Wow.

How do you deal with stuff like that?

Good question and particularly when you think you can trust the parent. Have you read my accounts of how I ended up online investigating Mormonism? About the little LDS girl who was offended by an adult youth worker in my church and came home crying and how my LDS lady friend called me right away and I made an appointment to go in and challenge the youth pastor the next day?

That was the little girl and that was her mother.

[_Philo Sofee]

I grew up in Salt Lake City and observed the exclusion of non-member kids and some member kids first-hand. I even had an argument with a g.a. wife in the ward because she announced that only certain kids could play with her kids and a good friend of mine was excluded. He was Mormon but had an alcoholic, physically abusive father and his older brothers acted out periodically and so did he. Instead of opening her arms to the kid (9 years old at the time), he was prohibited from coming on her property. The g.a. family moved shortly thereafter because our neighborhood that included many other g.a. families was supposedly a bad influence.

I betcha the heaven they produce once they become Gods and Goddesses is just gonna be a party...

[_Tuna_Surprise]

Try Girl Scouts! The Girl Scout troop in my Bountiful neighborhood growing up was about 75% LDS but it was very welcoming to all of the girls and I imagine that the non-LDS girls in the troop were seen as less-threatening to parents (probably because their familiarity with the girls and their parents) because they were always invited to birthday parties, sleepovers, etc. Plus it's an all-around kick ass organization.

Same goes for sports teams. If she likes sports, especially if she gets good enough to join school teams, the clicks will form around the teams not the religion.

[_candygal]

A friend of mine has told me she's concerned about her ten year old daughter. They are not LDS but her daughter is asking if she can become a member, even a "jack Mormon", so her friends will accept her.

Have any of you dealt with this, living in Utah? What did you do? The family is not religious or interested in any other such group.

I find this sad and outrageous.

What is sad is that she doesn't feel like she can be friends unconditionally...this is a narrow view if LDS friends have made her feel this way.

[_zenangst]

i would highly recommend the avenues, or the sugarhouse area, though the are both rather expensive...

[_moksha]

My parents let me go with the neighbors to my LDS ward for the very reason which Matsukov lists for his friend's 10-year-old daughter. It never did me any harm except for a slight tick and anxiety when I hear the words Alma and Helaman spoken aloud.

My parents would have aided my social acceptance in Utah more by simply ceasing to smoke cigarettes. There are too many Mormons in Utah to value each other for their Mormoness. On the other hand, you will never get an immediate rejection upon being asked the prime Utah question, "What religion are you?", if you can answer Mormon.

[_Quasimodo]

My parents let me go with the neighbors to my LDS ward for the very reason which Matsukov lists for his friend's 10-year-old daughter. It never did me any harm except for a slight tick and anxiety when I hear the words Alma and Helaman spoken aloud.

My parents would have aided my social acceptance in Utah more by simply ceasing to smoke cigarettes. There are too many Mormons in Utah to value each other for their Mormoness. On the other hand, you will never get an immediate rejection upon being asked the prime Utah question, "What religion are you?", if you can answer Mormon.

Another wonderful post, penguin! When I lived there, the prime Utah question was "what Ward are you in?"

[_Dr Exiled]

I'm glad I moved out. I hated being defined by religion and whether or not you believed or drank etc.