Cassius University and its faculty

[malkie]

Since at least November of 2019 there have been references in posts/comments on this board to the illustrious Cassius University, and to various members of its superb faculty. Yet, somehow, it seems that some board members have consistently failed to understand what it's all about, even (apparently) to the extent of believing that it's possibly a way for critics of the Mormon church only to be elevated to heights that they have not earned as if it were a in real life organization.

Clearly I'm not going to include in this thread every one of the couple of hundred references, but anyone who feels so inclined can find them by searching for (for example) "Cassius University", "Dean Robbers", "Reverend Kishkumen", amongst others - no slight intended for those not mentioned here.

Here, however, are a couple of links that may be of interest:

earliest ref I found for "Cassius"

There are likely earlier refs in the old "Mormon Discussions" - I don't know if any of that is accessible in any way.

Sunstoned has earned his in real life Phd

Is there a history of Cassius U somewhere on the board? If not, would one of the faculty be willing to take a few minutes to give us at least some of the highlights? I'm sure it would be most appreciated.

Here, by the way, is a summary of the reason for this topic:

MG: "And then you have some folks who come across and act as if they are professors."

MG: "doesn't excuse the Dean and Doctor or Reverend stuff that goes on here. Elitist, to say the very least."

Reverend Lumen Kishkumen: "Come on, MG! You are in on the joke, now, surely."

MG: I think hell will freeze over before I am addressed as Dean, Doctor, Reverend. Question: does a person have to be from the ivory tower of academia in order to receive these accolades? Truth alert: I do not want to be addressed by any of these qualifiers. I am not worthy and admit it.

Malkie, is flummoxed, IHQ proposes a new thread-THIS IS IT-HERE

[Physics Guy]

Cassius University has been a meme here since before I arrived. Its academic ranks are populated with no regard to anyone's position anywhere else. It has a professorial chair devoted to Mopologetic Studies, but I have never been sure what other subjects it pursues or teaches. It seems to be a wealthy private institution; in my mind it is like an Oxbridge college, a relatively small place with a few permanent faculty who pursue their own callings, have no discernible teaching load, and meet occasionally for refined festivities.

As best I can tell, Cassius exists as a kind of negative image of the academic portion of Mormon apologetics, which all too often tries to pass off obfuscation as erudition: proof by bookshelf. If you look closely at these seemingly sophisticated apologetic arguments they collapse into such foolishness that one has to think, "Wow, if these guys can be learned academics, why then so can any little crowd on a message board." So Cassius is a sustained dig at the pretentious amateur scholarship of Mormon apologists, a mock LARP to mock their solemn LARPing. At least that's been my perception.

[Kishkumen]

Thank you all for pulling back the corner of the veil to the sanctum sanctorum that is Cassius U, our dear alma mater, beacon and fortress of learning that arms us against vulgarians, twits, and recalcitrant Mopologists. I would be remiss in my duties to dear Cassius true if I did not share the scintillating and erudite prose of one of our most brilliant and accomplished faculty members, Dr. Alfonsy Stakhanovite. His works have bared the very soul of Cassius U, and our blessed institution would be much poorer had he not undertaken to write and publish these revealing accounts of life at Cassius:

viewtopic.php?p=2865795#p2865795

Salutations my learned friends, curious and anonymous onlookers, and the Right Worshipfuls, the Worshipfuls, Wardens, and dearest Brethren, of Cassius University. I stand beneath the carved ouroboros of the Brutus Rectory, the storehouse of wandering souls, betwixt Poimandres and Hermes, and offer each of you embryonic divinities my sincere obeisance.

viewtopic.php?p=2772721#p2772721

An official request for a comprehensive translation was made to the Smithsonian and after it was obtained, investigators deemed that the contents of the notebook were benign and that its origin was ostensibly linked to Cassius University. The notebook was sent back to the Utah Department of Justice whereupon the Attorney General Sean D. Reyes hand-delivered it to Dr. Scratch during one of their bi-monthly luncheons.

Upon further examination by a few unnamed faculty members of Cassius, a broad and overwhelming consensus was reached that the translation done by the Smithsonian was insufficient due to being overly formal and often too mechanical; a more dynamic translation was needed if anyone was to truly benefit from the study of the mysterious notebook. Such an undertaking seemed suited to the abilities of the undergraduates currently attending Cassius University and a call went out looking for student volunteers to join a committee.

viewtopic.php?p=2759947#p2759947

Salutations and welcome, once again, to Cassius University’s Borgesian Archives of Moral Science! I apologize for being late but I have just come from the chapel where the esteemed Reverend Kishkumen was giving the New Year’s sermon. Oh, it was magnificent! He has been preaching his way through Virgil’s ‘Aeneid’ and the campus has been positively buzzing about it for months now.

viewtopic.php?p=25332#p25332

Hello there from the new post-doctoral steward and keeper of Cassius University’s Borgesian Archives of Moral Science! Alfonsy Stakhanovite at your service. Please forgive the dust, we are housed in the basement of the palatial Brutus Rectory as you see. Though there is a steady flow of students and faculty seeking the company and spiritual counsel of his Most Reverend Kishkumen, most seem unaware of my presence down here.

In fact my last visitor was Dr. Scratch himself. He made the journey to personally deliver a physical copy of Volume 43 of ‘Interpreter: A Journal of Latter-day Saint Faith and Scholarship’ that he acquired on my behalf and falafel wrap from the kosher Greek Deli near the student union. “Men can’t live by words alone” he told me.

Some other classic posts:

viewtopic.php?p=2801470#p2801470

His own scholarship is formidable and not to be trifled with:

viewtopic.php?p=2808246#p2808246

This is a really shallow philological analysis and the lexical work that Daniel does for his readers is sub-par. We get nothing about the semantic domain of “ שׁוֹמֵר ” and nary a word about cognates, and we don’t even get a quick summation of the apparatus notes concerning this passage from the Biblia Hebraica Stuttgartensia nor even a scant mention of some kind of lexical reference work, even an older one like the Brown Driver and Briggs.

Other great scholarship:

viewtopic.php?p=26076#p26076

viewtopic.php?p=28325#p28325

viewtopic.php?p=29300#p29300

viewtopic.php?p=2784845#p2784845

viewtopic.php?p=2780905#p2780905

viewtopic.php?p=2746491#p2746491

viewtopic.php?p=30636#p30636

viewtopic.php?p=29645#p29645

Some immortal humor:

viewtopic.php?p=29192#p29192

In honor of Runtu.

Bayes Theorem: The logical extension of illogical desires.

Blake Ostler: Someone who collects disease carrying mosquitoes and then releases them as articles.

Bloggernacle: An interlocking system of errors.

Catalyst Theory: The literal misreading of a misunderstood scroll.

FAIR Conference: A Greek comedy set in Utah.

FARMS Review: A dilapidated beacon composed of fog.

Fireside: Where public speaking goes to die.

Hugh Nibley: A man best appreciated if never read.

John Dehlin: The guy we always want to hear from. Until we do.

John Gee: Ian McDiarmid without a mirror.

Kwaku El: Attention spam.

Louis Midgley: A dry drunk passing as a political scientist.

Mormon Apologist: One who tries to intellectualize their faith and fails; sometimes brilliantly.

Mormon Dialogue & Discussion: A doubting Mormon’s last chance of finding people just like them who don’t like people just like them.

Mormon Studies: A branch of history and comparative studies committed to disregarding both.

Paradigm: The erroneous and shallow notion that your religion is neither erroneous nor shallow.

Pragmatism: The love of philosophy for those seduced by their own.

r/exmormon: That cigarette not smoked after not having sex.

Shaken Faith Syndrome: The slow realization that you’ve been dying this entire time.

The Gospel: A stick barely disguised as a carrot.

The Interpreter Foundation: Mistaking somebody's rough draft for scholarship.

Thomas Riskas: A man who bought a roundtrip ticket from delusion to grandeur and then wrote a book about it.

[malkie]

Thank you both very much - Physics Guy, and Rev. Kiskumen - for your comments.

I believe that Physics Guy's concise description of the foundational purpose of our beloved university is a mini master class in squeezing as much meaning as possible into as few words as practical.

I must admit that, as much as I enjoyed reading Rev. K's references to Dr Stak, I often found Dr Stak's contributions to the board to be well beyond my meager mental powers. I do wish, however, that he (Dr Stak) would have made a little more use of punctuation in some of his prose. (sometimes, uppity would-be hangers on at Cassius take pot-shots from the sidelines, hoping not to be responded to, or called to account, because of their utter insignificance.)

I took the opportunity to add a whimsical entry to the Lexicon.

It was interesting to see comments from Stem and the dear departed Yahoo in the Lexicon thread..

[Kishkumen]

Thank you both very much - Physics Guy, and Rev. Kiskumen - for your comments.

I believe that Physics Guy's concise description of the foundational purpose of our beloved university is a mini master class in squeezing as much meaning as possible into as few words as practical.

I must admit that, as much as I enjoyed reading Rev. K's references to Dr Stak, I often found Dr Stak's contributions to the board to be well beyond my meager mental powers. I do wish, however, that he (Dr Stak) would have made a little more use of punctuation in some of his prose. (sometimes, uppity would-be hangers on at Cassius take pot-shots from the sidelines, hoping not to be responded to, or called to account, because of their utter insignificance.)

I took the opportunity to add a whimsical entry to the Lexicon.

It was interesting to see comments from Stem and the dear departed Yahoo in the Lexicon thread..

"A mock LARP to mock their [the Mopologists'] solemn LARPing" is pure gold.

[Tom]

I sense that Cassius emerged ex nihilo in the far distant, mystical, and mythical past. Off the top of my head, though, I recall more recent references in a deeply missed blog: Cassius University.

Long-time faculty will know more. The university’s esteemed archivist may be of some help as well. I am afraid that I cannot be of more help. As I’ve noted, I flunked out of Cassius my first year.

[Kishkumen]

I sense that Cassius emerged ex nihilo in the far distant, mystical, and mythical past. Off the top of my head, though, I recall more recent references in a deeply missed blog: Cassius University.

Long-time faculty will know more. The university’s esteemed archivist may be of some help as well. I am afraid that I cannot be of more help. As I’ve noted, I flunked out of Cassius my first year.

Thank you for digging in the archives to excavate those precious historical records, Tom!

[Dr Moore]

As one of the fortunate recent additions to the Cassius faculty, I would add... Many of its members - at least 5 to my knowledge - do indeed hold real life PhDs and are sitting professors at prestigious universities. Add to that list a few more who appear to have accepted permanent emeritus status from the board.

If the faculty are guilty of exaggerated LARPing, in my observation it is more than mere ribbing at the ridiculousness of mopologists who alone take themselves seriously (though that is ever present). I believe it also provides comic relief from the toils of daily life in the academy. Teaching and research can be a real grind.

[Kishkumen]

As one of the fortunate recent additions to the Cassius faculty, I would add... Many of its members - at least 5 to my knowledge - do indeed hold real life PhDs and are sitting professors at prestigious universities. Add to that list a few more who appear to have accepted permanent emeritus status from the board.

If the faculty are guilty of exaggerated LARPing, in my observation it is more than mere ribbing at the ridiculousness of mopologists who alone take themselves seriously (though that is ever present). I believe it also provides comic relief from the toils of daily life in the academy. Teaching and research can be a real grind.

I don't think I have ever sat down to do that kind of demographic analysis of our faculty and students, Dr Moore. Thank you for that!

[Tom]

I would cite Doctor Scratch’s list of Top Ten Happenings in Mopologetics for 2009 as another data point to investigate. Number 2 read:

The Ascent of Cassius University

While it had never been in ashes, it does seem fair to say that Cassius University and its works constituted a major force in the year of 2009---a kind of mythic phoenix helping to combat the powers of evil. Led by Dean Robbers, the university hosted a series of competitions, seminars, and devotionals, and it really came into its own on the Mopologetic scene. In terms of scholarship, the Hon. Rev. Kishkumen offered up considerable insight into the human aspects of the debate, but it may be Dean Robbers's theories on the Tiers of Apologetics that may have the most lasting, powerful impact. In addition to the Tiers, other crucial observations came to light, including the comparison of the Church with Peak Oil, and the revelation that Mopologists are jettisoning a historical reading of the Book of Mormon in favor of a "literary" reading---a process which was coined (by Dr. Shades) as "The Gadianton Turn."

The meaning of these references eludes me, but I suspect they demand further research that could easily lead to a dissertation.