A Short Stay in Hell

[Res Ipsa]

An office, lit by fluorescent tubes. Tastefully arranged potted plants. A desk. Five terrified dead people on one side. A proficient demon sitting in a red, high-backed leather chair. Behind the demon, a large window overlooking a lake of fire, with other demons whipping people and prodding them with rusty pitchforks back toward the lake.

The three men and two women, seated on metal folding chairs, shiver in their white cotton robes. The demon smiles. “Well, well, well, what can I say but … welcome. Welcome to Hell.

The demon checks a red tablet. “Lester Green?” One man looks up, radiating a quiet, bold confidence. There’s been a mistake. I’m not supposed to be here.”

The demon audibly recites Lester Green’s biographical data. “Everything looks in order.”

“No, I was saved! I’m saved by Christ. Who can snatch me from God’s hand?” Lester Green looks upward. “Help me, Lord Jesus.”

The demon looks impatient. “Ah, a Christian. Well there’s your problem. You didn’t join the One True Religion.”

“But I’m telling you. I’m a Christian. I’m saved. I read the Bible every day. I donated money to the TV Evangelists every Sunday. And I was saved.”

“No, Sorry. The true religion is Zoroastrianism, I’m afraid. Bit of bad luck there.” And with a click on his tablet, the Demon Send was Lester Green off to Zoroastrian hell.

Thus begins Steven L. Peck’s enjoyable novella “A Short Stay in Hell. Peck is an evolutionary ecologist and professor of the philosophy of biology at BYU. It is an entertaining and sobering romp through hell, subverting the notion of eternity.

Peck’s protagonist is not our Lester Green. Instead, he is Soren Johannson, described by the demon as “good husband, good father … not a bad Mormon.” After noting that Soren loves reading, he chuckles and sends Soren off to hell.

You see, Zoroastrian Hell isn’t like Christian hell at all. First, there are many hells. Second, you can earn your way out. And finally, hell it’s supposed to teach you something.

Where the demon sent Soren was to Jorge Luis Borges’ Library of Babel. You can read the original short story here: https://sites.evergreen.edu/politicalsh ... -Babel.pdf

Upon his arrival at the Library, Soren finds a convenient informational sign describing the rules of his hell:

1. Please be kind
2. Do not get discouraged.
3. Please leave used towels on the floor if you want them to be cleaned.
4. Books will be reshelved every night unless you are touching them.
5. If you are killed, you will be restored to life the next day.
6. All contracts, promises, etc. made prior to arrival in Hell are null and void.
7. You are never really alone, although it may feel like it for long stretches of time.
8. Please do not mark, mar or write on library materials.
9. You are here to learn something. Don’t try to figure out what it is.

And then there is the library itself — steering as far as Soren can see in every direction. At regular intervals, he finds small bunkers with sleeping and bathing accommodations. He can eat anything he wants by ordering it at a kiosk.

The Library contains, not only all the books ever written, but all the books that could ever be written. All books are of uniform size and length, with a fixed number of characters on each page. To escape from this bibliofiendish hell, Spent must find the one volume that tells the accurate story of his life with no errors. That’s it.

Once Soren assists to the post-existence rug pulling, we get to the meat of the story: What would it be like to exist with a mission for a near eternity. How will Soren discover a meaningful life in hell. Or will he?

Ken Jennings has a blurb on the back cover that ends: “You won’t be able to stop thinking about this book.” I haven’t.