The 2021 Sampson Avard Golden Scepter Award

[Doctor CamNC4Me]

What’s interesting is the Corporation is at a sort of crossroads when it comes to their revenue base. They’re bleeding members left and right, pun intended.

On the Right you have masses of antivaxxers, doomsday preppers, and Trumpian fascists who long for a strict and dogmatic hierarchy that reinforces their notions of a natural order. They’re in open rebellion against the Board of Directors. And they’re going inactive or looking elsewhere for their daily affirmations. Born out of this cauldron of paranoia and stupidity are fundamentalist movements promising a simpler, streamlined version of Mormonism that hearkens back to a firm worldview and moral framework.

On the Left you have a milquetoast Mormonism that’s inclusive, open-minded, tolerant, and diverse. It’s utterly repulsive to traditional Mormons, has barely any discernible difference between itself and ‘cool’ Christianity, and is a panicked response by the Board to appeal to their sensibilities. It’s a losing battle as evidenced by the droves of youth leaving who were raised in and mentally attached to the Internet. DarthJ nailed it when he predicted this phenomenon in that the youth will simply see the Corporation for what it is, that it offers nothing but boredom and anxiety, and does nothing that increases their quality of life in any measurable sense.

Thus Quacko-el emerging. Air humping Quacko-el. TiTS Quacko-el. DezNatty Lite Quacko-el. Straddling the line between fanatics who demand strict obedience to the Q15 and the youth who unironically ‘soaks’ and gives blowjobs as easily as they take the sacrament, has wrested the reins from an irrelevant cabal of priestcraft mopologists who existed simply to write words down that nobody reads. They’re utter failures at their mission. They’ve been dunked on so many times they might as well have called themselves the Washington Generals.

And so, it’s up to a few Nu Degenerates to save the Corporation from itself. I can’t see Quacko having legs for this since there isn’t really any money in it for him; he’ll move on to promoting crappy rappers and DJs, and maybe do something in the entertainment arena like running a club or whatever. He’s a hustler, and hustlers don’t waste time on hustles that don’t make money. But he is on the front end of a new and aggressive Mormonism that eschews christian discipleship for team sports. He’s most certainly a harbinger of things to come in the next decade or so as the Corporation schisms.

- Doc

[Tom]

It's undeniable that change is in the air--especially in the realm of Mopologetics--as the autumn season descends on the campus here at Cassius University. Dr. Peterson has retired from BYU, and what's more, one can sense that a "changing of the guard" may be underway, with the heavy-lifting work of attacking critics being increasingly handed off to the younger generation. While the Old Guard is busy trying to extract as much money as possible for the "Witnesses" movie project and for various cruise trips, the Young Guard is taking up arms via new-wave, Internet-based methods. Last year's Golden Scepter recipient, for example, has been the host of a podcast. New technologies are being exploited, and new gauntlets are being thrown down. Long ago, the Dean of Cassius University--Dr. Robbers--established the Sampson Avard Golden Scepter Award as a means of recognizing someone who has made "an unmistakable and transformative contribution to the field of Mopologetics." This year, I'm very pleased to announce the the recipient of the 2021 Award is none other than.... Kwaku El!




Brash, confident, handsome, and vaguely Steve Urkel-esque, Kwaku makes a dashing addition to the pantheon of young Mopologists. He gained widespread notoriety after scaring the bejesus out of John Dehlin with his edit of a scene from Inglorious Basterds that featured Dehlin getting clobbered on the noggin with a baseball bat. (If I'm not mistaken, Dehlin contacted the authorities over the video.) Sporting a bold yet nostalgic fashion sense that seems like it owes something to the old '90s TV program, Parker Lewis Can't Lose, Kwaku also drew attention thanks to his FAIR-sponsored "TiTS" videos--the name of which was apparently adopted in order to appeal to a "younger crowd." Lately, Kwaku is part of the team hosting "Midnight Mormons," a YouTube program that plays like a Mormon version of The Morton Downey Jr. Show, albeit without the chain-smoking. It's a powerful reminder that, even as the players change, the program remains essentially the same.

In any case, I hope you'll join me in congratulating Mr. El on this great honor!

I hope that Mr. El will be invited to submit a video message accepting the honor.

For the record, here are the recipients over the years:

2020: Hanna Seariac
2019: Louis Midgley and Blake Ostler
2018: Allen Wyatt
2017: Stephen Smoot
2016: Grant Hardy
2015: Neal Rappleye
2014: Blair Hodges
2013: William Hamblin
2012: Trevor Holyoak and Gerald Bradford
2011: Lamanite
2010: Pa Pa

With regard to Mr. El's fashion sense, I can see your point.






Parker Lewis

[Everybody Wang Chung]

For the record, here are the recipients over the years:

2020: Hanna Seariac
2019: Louis Midgley and Blake Ostler
2018: Allen Wyatt
2017: Stephen Smoot
2016: Grant Hardy
2015: Neal Rappleye
2014: Blair Hodges
2013: William Hamblin
2012: Trevor Holyoak and Gerald Bradford
2011: Lamanite
2010: Pa Pa

Thank you Tom! Those links are gold.

[Moksha]

It makes me wonder, what is the long-range psychohistoric prediction for probable outcomes of Mopologetics?

That a bronze-colored polycarbonate bust of Kwaku El will be prominently displayed on the bridge of the Starship Nauvoo.

[Doctor Scratch]

I believe we should add psychohistory to the impressive polyhistor repertoire of our B.H. Roberts Chair. Kwaku El, Mopologist, is indeed a predictable outcome of an unchecked FARMSian tradition. Drawing from my personal experience, it was precisely the tone of hypocritical rudeness and mean dismissal at Dr. Peterson's living room, Sic et Non, that led me to discover the eons of documentary history held here, and other gems within Cassius U's special collections library. It makes me wonder, what is the long-range psychohistoric prediction for probable outcomes of Mopologetics?

It's difficult to say, though I think that the seeds have been planted, as it were. Allen Wyatt and Jeff Lindsay are absolutely carrying on the tradition of "taking a hatchet" (to borrow a phrase from Dr. Robbers) to critics. And just recently, I saw that Dr. Peterson was spreading malicious gossip about Brian Hauglid. So, the smear campaigns are still well underway. Will this persist for another 20 years, though? Tough to say.

[Kishkumen]

It's difficult to say, though I think that the seeds have been planted, as it were. Allen Wyatt and Jeff Lindsay are absolutely carrying on the tradition of "taking a hatchet" (to borrow a phrase from Dr. Robbers) to critics. And just recently, I saw that Dr. Peterson was spreading malicious gossip about Brian Hauglid. So, the smear campaigns are still well underway. Will this persist for another 20 years, though? Tough to say.

Malicious gossip about Brian Hauglid? I hope not. M. Hauglid is good people.

[Doctor Scratch]

It's difficult to say, though I think that the seeds have been planted, as it were. Allen Wyatt and Jeff Lindsay are absolutely carrying on the tradition of "taking a hatchet" (to borrow a phrase from Dr. Robbers) to critics. And just recently, I saw that Dr. Peterson was spreading malicious gossip about Brian Hauglid. So, the smear campaigns are still well underway. Will this persist for another 20 years, though? Tough to say.

Malicious gossip about Brian Hauglid? I hope not. M. Hauglid is good people.

See for yourself:

I listened to the Audio version of Stephen Smoot's article over the weekend. I greatly enjoyed it. I was saddened to hear that Brian Hauglid gives a formal endorsement of Vogel's book. I realize he has been sympathetic to Vogel's views on the Book of Abraham for quite a while. Has Hauglid left the church?

I seem to have heard that, yes, he has. But I would be delighted to be wrong.

Call him and ask.

He has severed all contact with me, and I won't intrude upon him when he plainly doesn't want any connection.

[consiglieri]

I think I can safely call that last a lie.

[consiglieri]

But I would be delighted to be wrong.

[Doctor Scratch]

I think I can safely call that last a lie.

So, not only is he spreading malicious gossip, but he's also telling lies? Color me unsurprised.