healing/recovery through venting?

Post by **_wenglund** » Sun Nov 26, 2006 12:55 am

SMART BITCH wrote:No they have not....not even close.....respect is a two way street.....but with Mormons it is a one way street...

Straw man alert!

Thanks, -Wade Englund-

Post by **_OUT OF MY MISERY** » Sun Nov 26, 2006 1:02 am

I took LOGIC just like you....I know what a STRAW man is so ....try another tact....becasue that one is not working

Post by **_Jersey Girl** » Sun Nov 26, 2006 1:12 am

I know I have a better reply "in" me, but considering that I'm working like crazy while popping in and out here, this one will have to do.

W: Wouldn't you feel hurt were your most beloved, loving, and charished beliefs and people to be the subject of intense and sustained mockery, profanation, vulgarity, denegration, name-calling, gossip, teeth-gnashing, and vile accusations?

Jersey Girl: I believe the comments originated about RFM specifically. If it bothers you don't read it. Anyone with half a brain, and that includes you and I, knows that the people on RFM are angry about their experiences in Mormonism. What else would you expect from people who are angry? Are the things they say untrue and how would you know if they are untrue if their posts are based on their own real life experiences?

W: Wouldn't you feel hurt that there are people with such little regard for your beliefs, and who devalue you and your people, and have such intense contempt for you and your faith even though they may never have met you or known you, but solely because you belong to a certain group, such that they would feel little or no compunction doing the things above?

Jersey Girl: If you're thinking about the RFM posters, Wade, you're way off base. Those folks came directly out of Mormonism and have real life experiences to draw on. It's not like they chose to attack you personally because you belong to the LDS Church. They have contempt for THEIR experiences...it has nothing to do with you as an individual and why you place it within the context of: who devalue you/such intense contempt for you/even though they may never have met you or known you...really, I think that's irrational, Wade. It's not about you, Wade. It's about THEM and their experiences. Do you deny them the right to express anger about their life experiences?

Post by **_truth dancer** » Sun Nov 26, 2006 1:14 am

Hi Wade,

While I agree that Mr. X was abusive, I don't understand how you can suggest that he wasn't venting his anger.

He was absolutely expressing his anger in inappropriate and abusive ways.

Perhaps were he to have found a support group for overly nagged, exploited, and abused men, and released his hurt and anger in the same way to them rather than to his wife, would that have been venting instead of abuse?

If no one is being emotionally abused then behavior is not abusive. If a therapist or group members are being abused then there is abuse but I personally doubt many therapists would tolerate an abusive participant. I happen to think group work is pretty helpful for many men and women with all sorts of issues and difficulties.

The distinction, then, isn't between venting vs abuse, but non-abusive venting vs. abusive venting. Agreed?

I don't quite see it this way. (I know you are surprised...LOL).

One can be abusive using all sorts of means... talking, eating, tickling, teasing, playing, etc. etc. etc.

Abuse is abuse and can take many forms. If someone is talking, sharing, venting, discussing, or/and commiserating and becomes abusive then the behavior is absolutely inappropriate.

~dancer~

Post by **_Runtu** » Sun Nov 26, 2006 1:25 am

Whether you are correct about whether respect has been earned by the CoJCoLDS (you are, as expected, incorrect), there is a broad range between earned respect (what you mentioned) and unwarranted disrespect (what I was talking about), as well as between universal love (what you mentioned) and rank disdain by some (what I was talking about). Sorry that was lost on you.

And thus we get to the heart of the matter. Wade finds "rank disdain" for his beliefs to be corrosive and abusive.

Here's a hint, Wade: we don't disdain Mormons. We disdain certain of our own former beliefs. There is much to admire within Mormonism. Most Mormons are wonderful, loving people. And I like a lot of Mormon doctrine: frankly, I love the idea that humans have the potential to become like God. I like Mormonism's teachings about tolerance, love, kindness, charity, education, and countless other positive teachings. But I reserve the right to hold certain doctrines in contempt and "rank disdain," such as the idea that not all truth is uplifting and useful, or that masturbation is evil and will lead to homosexuality. Nor will I respect outright lies. Such things demand my contempt and ridicule.

You seem to think that disdaining doctrines and teachings is equivalent to disdaining people. Strawman alert, indeed!

Post by **_Roger Morrison** » Sun Nov 26, 2006 2:12 am

From post 1, page 1:

Could someone who thinks you can heal/recover from venting, please explain the alleged therapeutic dynamic?

My question: Is "venting" really something to "recover" from? Six pages and no advice as to how one does it... Maybe plug da vents??? Bet that'd be dynamically therapeutic!! :-))))

Post by **_Jersey Girl** » Sun Nov 26, 2006 2:36 am

Roger,

Oh, venting? How to do venting?

You want to know how to vent? Pick a topic!

Jersey Girl

Post by **_truth dancer** » Sun Nov 26, 2006 2:48 am

How To Vent 101

1. Find a friend or someone who will empathically listen to you for a while. (Jersey Girl, Roger, Beastie, Harmony, and many others have come in quite handy for me). :-)

2. Share you sorrows, struggles, difficulties.

3. Do some deep breathing, allow yourself to cry, and release the pain.

OK, what can I say, I'm an expert! LOL!

~dancer~

Post by **_Runtu** » Sun Nov 26, 2006 2:51 am

truth dancer wrote:How To Vent 101

1. Find a friend or someone who will empathically listen to you for a while. (Jersey Girl, Roger, Beastie, Harmony, and many others have come in quite handy for me). :-)

2. Share you sorrows, struggles, difficulties.

3. Do some deep breathing, allow yourself to cry, and release the pain.

OK, what can I say, I'm an expert! LOL!

~dancer~

I've done my share of venting on RfM and elsewhere. And I'm grateful that I could. Keeping my feelings bottled up was far more corrosive and unhealthy. One of the best things I learned was how to laugh at myself and not take things so seriously. I guess that makes me evil, according to Wade.

Post by **_Jersey Girl** » Sun Nov 26, 2006 3:04 am

truth dancer wrote:How To Vent 101

1. Find a friend or someone who will empathically listen to you for a while. (Jersey Girl, Roger, Beastie, Harmony, and many others have come in quite handy for me). :-)

2. Share you sorrows, struggles, difficulties.

3. Do some deep breathing, allow yourself to cry, and release the pain.

OK, what can I say, I'm an expert! LOL!

~dancer~

Darn! You stole my whole process! I can't BELIEVE you posted this just as *I* was about to supply the wisdom you jumped right in a STOLE my THUNDER! **I** was going to write about crying!!! How COULD YOU post that FIRST??? Get THIS, Ms. Dancer...emotional release is MY area of expertise! And by the way, you forgot about creative outlets such as dancing, singing, painting...and you call yourself a DANCER? Really, you could have waited for me to meet the request I offered but NOOOOOO you had to tippy toe right in here and answer yourself! The nerve of some dancers!!!

Sheesh!

Venting demo complete,
Jersey Girl
;-)