LDS and stay at home moms?

[_Ray A]

Ray:

I think you answered this question in years past, but I'm afraid I don't remember what you said.

It's obvious that you have a great deal of faith in the Book of Mormon. Now, why do you have an affinity for the Salt Lake City-based Brighamite sect of Mormonism as opposed to any of the others?

If you were to return to Mormonism as an institution, would you ever consider, say, the Strangites, the "Whitmerites," or perhaps the Community of Christ? If not, why not?

No, I would not consider them. I have hindsight that the Witnesses didn't. I can learn from their mistakes. Two returned to the Church, and the third, David Whitmer, continued to affirm his belief in the Book of Mormon. The Community of Christ has downplayed the importance of the Book of Mormon, and while I may have "issues" with aspects of the Book of Mormon, mainly regarding historicity, I am far from dogmatic in my feelings about this. Yes, I do admit that my "witness" overrides the apparent lack of evidence, but from reading the writings of my "idol", I am persuaded to keep an open mind.

I have seen absolutely nothing to convince me to jump on the "fraud bandwagon".

[_barrelomonkeys]

Aw, I saw two pages and thought there were lots of replies about STAY AT HOME MOTHERS. But no.

[_Jason Bourne]

Is being a stay at home mother highly encouraged? Is it frowned upon that women work outside the home? I got an email today from step-son's mother. She invited me to purchase something from someone I don't know, will never know, and lives across the country from me. She asked me to order from this woman because she's doing the right and responsible thing by being a stay at home mom. This is not the first time she has forwarded these things to me. I usually ignore her. But it dawned on me that maybe this is less of a personal dig and maybe has to do with LDS?

Is this the expectation for LDS Mothers? Is this even an issue?

yes it is encouaraged and preached and culturally some working moms are frowned upon by some more catty members of their wards. I think the Church has downplayed this some from a leadership level but it is still highly encouraged. A recent Ensign had an article by a woman who had the chance to be a high pwer player in the business world but gave it up to be a stay at home mom. The message was pretty clear.

[_Scottveg3]

Well jersey, I can speak from my own childhood experience. My parents had me in activities constantly. I was in youth camps and camping retreats. They wanted me to be as active as possible. So I was nurtured and challenged at every turn. Both my syblings and I turned out well, and still have an excellent relationship with my parents. So in respect to your question, I was nurtured from all directions. My parents when they were home, all the activities and experiences I went on, and my syblings.

I ask again, why does the woman stayed home. First off the whole idea is sexist. If the woman has a great career. Why the hell can't the husband stay home? If someone has to stay home with the kids. Secondly, in our society it isn't practical, for the most part, to expect the mom to stay home. Most families cannot survive on a sinlge income alone.

[_barrelomonkeys]

Well jersey, I can speak from my own childhood experience. My parents had me in activities constantly. I was in youth camps and camping retreats. They wanted me to be as active as possible. So I was nurtured and challenged at every turn. Both my syblings and I turned out well, and still have an excellent relationship with my parents. So in respect to your question, I was nurtured from all directions. My parents when they were home, all the activities and experiences I went on, and my syblings.

I ask again, why does the woman stayed home. First off the whole idea is sexist. If the woman has a great career. Why the hell can't the husband stay home? If someone has to stay home with the kids. Secondly, in our society it isn't practical, for the most part, to expect the mom to stay home. Most families cannot survive on a sinlge income alone.

I was just logging on to mention this! My kids pediatrician is a woman. Her husband stays at home with the kids. He is educated and had a career but he decided he wanted to stay at home with his children. They're a wonderful family.

I agree with you. If the family finds something that works for them then who are we to judge.

[_Scottveg3]

hehe thank god someone is agreeing with me. I expected to get smacked over the head by someones 1950's mentailty.

[_barrelomonkeys]

yes it is encouaraged and preached and culturally some working moms are frowned upon by some more catty members of their wards. I think the Church has downplayed this some from a leadership level but it is still highly encouraged. A recent Ensign had an article by a woman who had the chance to be a high pwer player in the business world but gave it up to be a stay at home mom. The message was pretty clear.

Are women encouraged to get an education? It seems to me if the women ever get divorced they would have a difficult time getting employed.

[_Scottveg3]

In my ward, woman were not encouraged. If they decided to go to college, they went to BYU and to find a husband there and return home to be a mom. So, from my experience no. All of my female childhood friends from church, who went to college, did not use their degree. As a matter a fact, most of them have 5 kids, and I am in my late twenties. Aside from parenting, what life have they experienced?

[_barrelomonkeys]

In my ward, woman were not encouraged. If they decided to go to college, they went to BYU and to find a husband there and return home to be a mom. So, from my experience no. All of my female childhood friends from church, who went to college, did not use their degree. As a matter a fact, most of them have 5 kids, and I am in my late twenties. Aside from parenting, what life have they experienced?

Maybe this is just my "I am woman hear me roar" ideology peeking through... but it seems to me that when you have a woman that has many, many kids in a relatively short period of time and in which she has no way of supporting herself and her brood that shifts the locus of power to the husband. I would hope that all men would respect the contributions of women and motherhood. This is probably stressed in the Church? I just feel for any woman that would be so young, without an education, any sort of work experience, and found herself on her own.

Of course maybe that throwback to the years before feminism is actually good for families? I'm not sure. I just know I couldn't live it.

[_Blixa]

yes it is encouaraged and preached and culturally some working moms are frowned upon by some more catty members of their wards. I think the Church has downplayed this some from a leadership level but it is still highly encouraged. A recent Ensign had an article by a woman who had the chance to be a high pwer player in the business world but gave it up to be a stay at home mom. The message was pretty clear.

Jason's post sums up a lot and maybe speaks to the current situation better than I can. But I can say that when I was a teen and young adult in the late 70's this was more than just encouraged. It was emphasized over and over on all levels. Of course, that was because of the impact of second wave feminism, obviously, but the over-reaction was at hysteria pitch.

I heard it from all kinds of church leaders and authorities: seminary teachers, MIA teachers, speakers at conference. I heard it said to me many times by ward members when I spoke of my ambitions ("that's all very well, but you'll never find true happiness unless..."). I was at best "confused" and at worst "evil."

I remember a local U of U women's conference of some kind circa 1976. It was very generic for the time: lots of speakers addressing broadly construed "women's issues," some kind of art exhibit, and possibly a concert. The keynote speaker was the former Utah first lady: former Governor Calvin Ramption's wife, Lucy Beth. She was currently pursuing a master's in anthropology and her talk was about how glad she was to see that young women today have lots of different options in terms of education, work and paths in life: more than she had generations ago. She spoke about how satisfying it was to her to take her anthropology classes, even "late in life," and she encouraged all women to explore their hopes, dreams, ambitions.

It was a very benign speech.

After her talk the President of the Relief Society spoke. Her speech started something like this, "It is foolish to assume that young women have a new range of choices about their lives because only by being wives and mothers will they ever find true happiness and fulfill themselves. We may think it is otherwise, but we are only fooling ourselves if we make other choices about our lives."

It was an incredibly arrogant and insulting speech to make after Mrs. Ramption's.

Of course this was around the time of the ERA scandal and the insanity over the International Women's Year Conference, too. I believe that Marilyn Warenski has written about this era: or at least I know that her oral history research about it is available in the archives of the Utah Historical Society. I haven't read any of it, but I mean to at some point since these incidents had a great deal of impact on me and I saw them up close (I was at the IWY conference, for example, and was one of the student journalists who covered the ERA debate in the state legislature and was there for the vote).