sailgirl7 wrote:That's a very positive way to look at it. Thank you for pointing that out to me. I want to believe that's what my husband meant. It's just confusing because when I did religiously wear my garments- he told me he wished I would take them off and wear lingerie more. He made fun of my "frumpy" clothes and always wanted me to dress sexier. But I was all about hiding in my garments.
Actually, I think your husband is an average guy, trying to find a balance between the church and his marriage. I think when you asked him that question, you put him on the spot, so he came up with something (garments) that symbolizes something (the church) that means a lot to him, but that he knows doesn't mean a lot to you. He loves you and wants you to feel the freedom to make your own choices, but it would be easier for him if you chose differently. You can't, and you won't, but that doesn't stop him hoping. It wasn't an indictment of your choices, so much as a wistful wish that you were on the same page as him. He respects your choices, but is wistful of his own. He's being hammered on all sides from a perspective you no longer respect, and it isn't easy for him.
Talking about it is the only way to reach an accord, but there's no saying he will talk, or that he will tell you what he's really thinking, if you do get him to talk. But I don't recommend broadsiding him again with a question like that. It puts him in an awkward place.
I guess this just brings up another sore issue I have- my body image is warped. I've struggled with that for many years. I am 5' 3" and weigh 122 pounds- but I honestly feel so huge.I might as well be a hippo. My husband tells me I need to be size 2 again( he mentions that about once a week)- but dang it- I've had 3 kids and it's hard to get there! I want to please my husband and be attractive- but at what cost to myself?
This is a different issue altogether. Your husband is a visual guy (most guys are). His only problem is he's still stuck in the past. You might want to play "One Hot Mama" by Trace Adkins around the house and pipe it into his pillow at night. He needs to realize that you aren't a Barbie doll that he gets to dress and play with. You aren't a playtoy who is only fun when she's a size 2 (size 2? Geez, I've been trying to put some weight on my DIL who is a size 2, and I've gotten her all the way up to a size 6 now. Size 2 is not at all healthy for a woman your height.) Women should keep their bodies as healthy as possible, and that does
not mean getting down to pre-baby weight and size after every pregnancy. Women's bodies are designed to carry extra fat in order to feed (nurse) their babies and fuel their energy needs to raise (and chase) young children. Their hips and rib cage spreads during pregnancy and does not return to the pre-pregnancy size. Your self image is not predicated on his image of you. If you're comfortable in your skin, you will be attractive, no matter what your size.
I am not a small woman, but men still turn their heads when I walk into the room. Attractiveness is at least as much mental as it is physical. Standing tall, dressing appropriately, taking pride in your personal hygiene, and being comfortable in your skin will go a long ways to keeping your husband's eye fastened on you.
Your husband has some issues about women that could use some counseling. Or at least a good sit-down talk with you, wherein you must be brutally frank and tell him how much you perceive his references to your size in a negative manner. If he loves you and married you only because you were a size 2, and not because he loves you in sickness, in health, and in a size 6, then he needs to know how much that hurts you. He is young still, and as Liz says, men need to be taught how to successfully communicate with their spouse. Yours is not out of the ordinary in his thoughts or his speech. He just hasn't been taught yet.
So yes, I'm sure he meant well and I need to be more open-minded, it's just that within the context of everything it didn't seem like a compliment. I want to give him the benefit of the doubt. The problem lies in me.
None of this problem lies with you, per se. The problem that lies with you is that you internalize and personalize that which does not help you. Once you learn to internalize only that which helps you (even if it's criticism... some criticism is helpful), and let the rest fall off your back, your burdens will be lighter and your sense of who you are will be stronger.