Holy cow, GIMR. What Hell to have to go through.
My heart aches for you. No child should be put through that by a parent.
Imaginary Friends, Indeed
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_Dr. Shades
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_Yoda
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_Sam Harris
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This story is most definitely not over, and it has a happy ending. It has one because I have determined that it should. I look back now and see just how far I have come, just how much progress I have made. I used to sit every birthday and New Years and take stock of my life and deem myself a failure because I hadn't done this or that, and now I see that this was so worthless. I wasn't looking at the steps I had taken, I was focusing on the steps I hadn't.
If my stroke has taught me anything, it has taught me not to nitpick at life. Sometimes I wonder if God has as sick a sense of humor like I do (yes, it's true, I'm evil), and "allowed" my sickness to teach me not to micromanage my life. Just before my stroke, I had set up this plan where I had mapped out every week, every check, every bill, and by august I'd have this perfect life. Well, that's all gone now. My finances and life are "out of control" to the point where I can't handle it right now, and I think that's a good thing...less to worry about. I'll pick the pieces back up soon, but right now I need to heal my body...and that is going to take a while. And it may not happen at all, and if it doesn't, that's ok, I'm gonna enjoy what I have left.
There are some who think that God allows people to suffer so we will depend on him. I think that's awful, sadistic, and untrue. I'm sure someone will want to quote the Old Testament, but if they do, they're just clinging to the fundamentalist belief that God himself penned the Bible. Which is amusing, by the way. And very elementary thinking. A "heavenly pen"...can I have one of those? It might do my homework for me, an easier way onto the Dean's list.
I believe that those who believe in God live in a sort of symbiosis with God. We are co-creators, that is, those who are consciously responsible for their lives. I'm not talking about the fundies, those whose religion is rote, those who are too afraid to think, who let pastor do the living for them. I'm talking about those who are willing to question, willing to doubt. To me, doubt and faith are but two sides of the same coin, and it is difficult but vital to live a faithful life responsibly, and not be afraid of people's clannish tendencies, or the possibility of rejection if one's convictions or ideas do not go mainstream. God works though us, especially through those who have known suffering, because when we are delivered, we then have the power to deliver others. Those who are healed who turn and just walk away from suffering are selfish. I feel that I have been brought through the magnitude of what I've been brought through so that I can help others, and testify to them that if I can come out of what I've been through a happy and whole person (almost there, I'd say I'm at about 98%), then so can they.
Back to the story...and thanks to those who have given encouragement, support, and positive replies. I am only revealing this because I think that people need to see that it is possible to fall repeatedly and still get up, scarred and yet amazingly whole in a sense. I am so grateful for the healing that has been given to me...in the midst of my brokenness.
If my stroke has taught me anything, it has taught me not to nitpick at life. Sometimes I wonder if God has as sick a sense of humor like I do (yes, it's true, I'm evil), and "allowed" my sickness to teach me not to micromanage my life. Just before my stroke, I had set up this plan where I had mapped out every week, every check, every bill, and by august I'd have this perfect life. Well, that's all gone now. My finances and life are "out of control" to the point where I can't handle it right now, and I think that's a good thing...less to worry about. I'll pick the pieces back up soon, but right now I need to heal my body...and that is going to take a while. And it may not happen at all, and if it doesn't, that's ok, I'm gonna enjoy what I have left.
There are some who think that God allows people to suffer so we will depend on him. I think that's awful, sadistic, and untrue. I'm sure someone will want to quote the Old Testament, but if they do, they're just clinging to the fundamentalist belief that God himself penned the Bible. Which is amusing, by the way. And very elementary thinking. A "heavenly pen"...can I have one of those? It might do my homework for me, an easier way onto the Dean's list.
I believe that those who believe in God live in a sort of symbiosis with God. We are co-creators, that is, those who are consciously responsible for their lives. I'm not talking about the fundies, those whose religion is rote, those who are too afraid to think, who let pastor do the living for them. I'm talking about those who are willing to question, willing to doubt. To me, doubt and faith are but two sides of the same coin, and it is difficult but vital to live a faithful life responsibly, and not be afraid of people's clannish tendencies, or the possibility of rejection if one's convictions or ideas do not go mainstream. God works though us, especially through those who have known suffering, because when we are delivered, we then have the power to deliver others. Those who are healed who turn and just walk away from suffering are selfish. I feel that I have been brought through the magnitude of what I've been brought through so that I can help others, and testify to them that if I can come out of what I've been through a happy and whole person (almost there, I'd say I'm at about 98%), then so can they.
Back to the story...and thanks to those who have given encouragement, support, and positive replies. I am only revealing this because I think that people need to see that it is possible to fall repeatedly and still get up, scarred and yet amazingly whole in a sense. I am so grateful for the healing that has been given to me...in the midst of my brokenness.
Each one has to find his peace from within. And peace to be real must be unaffected by outside circumstances. -Ghandi
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_Sam Harris
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- Joined: Tue Nov 28, 2006 2:35 am
richardMdBorn wrote:Happy birthday GIMR! I'm glad that you had a good day (the weather in Chicago was wonderful today).
Richard
The weather is divine here, I'm loving it. I can actually sit outide...and the bees have relenquished my backyard!
Each one has to find his peace from within. And peace to be real must be unaffected by outside circumstances. -Ghandi
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_Sam Harris
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- Posts: 2261
- Joined: Tue Nov 28, 2006 2:35 am
Dr. Shades wrote:Holy cow, GIMR. What Hell to have to go through.
My heart aches for you. No child should be put through that by a parent.
You know Shades, I've made peace with the most of it. Mom still does stupid stuff, but I deal with it. Dad's last words to me were "I love you", and he was so sick he could barely talk. That meant so much to me, and made up for all that I'd been through.
I'm processing it more dispassionately now, though the words may seem harsh...
Each one has to find his peace from within. And peace to be real must be unaffected by outside circumstances. -Ghandi
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_Sam Harris
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- Joined: Tue Nov 28, 2006 2:35 am
liz3564 wrote:Thank you for sharing your story, GIMR, and HAPPY BIRTHDAY!!!!
I love you! You're my hero!
:)
You're my Goddess teacher! One day we're gonna get together and annoy the hell out of the human population. Your husband will be wondering where the heck you found me!
Each one has to find his peace from within. And peace to be real must be unaffected by outside circumstances. -Ghandi
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_KimberlyAnn
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GIMR, your story is heart wrenching, but also inspiring. What a strong, courageous woman you must be to have overcome astonishing adversity with such grace! Thank you for sharing with us.
Also, you are beautiful! I do think we were separated at birth - we look just alike!
I'll send those size six and a half polka dotted shoes to you when the summer's over. You do wear a six and a half, right? ;)
KA
Also, you are beautiful! I do think we were separated at birth - we look just alike!
I'll send those size six and a half polka dotted shoes to you when the summer's over. You do wear a six and a half, right? ;)
KA
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_Polygamy Porter
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_KimberlyAnn
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Polygamy Porter wrote:WTF?KimberlyAnn wrote:Also, you are beautiful! I do think we were separated at birth - we look just alike!
What am I missing?
You don't see the resemblance, Porter? Squint a little more, perhaps...
I was kidding, silly! Of course we don't look alike and we're not twins! She's like 6' tall or something; I'm barely 5'3! We're different races and our faces aren't similar except for the fact that we both have two eyes, a nose and a mouth. Her eyebrows are much nicer than mine, though I'm fortunate to have a pair, I guess.
Maybe I don't look like GIMR, but I might look like you. I haven't seen your picture, so only you would know, lol!
KA
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_Yoda
GIMR wrote:liz3564 wrote:Thank you for sharing your story, GIMR, and HAPPY BIRTHDAY!!!!
I love you! You're my hero!
:)
You're my Goddess teacher! One day we're gonna get together and annoy the hell out of the human population. Your husband will be wondering where the heck you found me!
My husband has been married to me for 20 years. He's beyond being shocked by anything I could do with or without you. LOL
He would just shake his head and say.."another one as crazy as my wife....have fun!" ;)