What did/will you tell your sons?

[_karl61]

I was in a college class about crime and culture and this one psychologist came in to speak to us. He was in charge of the juvenile sex offender program in the County. He said that usally the kids that come in to their program have very strict religions and frown on sex before marriage. He said that the families tend to see things as black and white. He said that he tells these parents that they need to get the kid to masturbate, at this point in the program, to their fantasies instead of acting them out. He said one kid had some other kid stripped down and eating out of a dog bowl. Then he dropped the bomb. He said that in their small group therapy there were four Mormon eagle scouts and they all didn't know each other. One kid was from the north county, the next south, east and west. He said trying to get these parents to help with treatment is almost impossible. He said they say your treatment is from the devil.

[Guest]

I will say this: I think to tell your son that you would rather see him come back in a coffin than come back from a mission after losing his virtue is abuse, pure and simple.

[_Ren]

Speaking of suicide over masturbation, everyone here's heard of Kip Eliason, right?

I hadn't. I have now.

This subject is anything but 'frivilous' it would seem... :/

[_Who Knows]

I guess I wasn't as good of a Mormon as some of you. I never told the bishop that I masturbated. I was simply too embarrassed. I would have rather faced my penalty in the next life, than face the humiliation in this life.

In fact, it wasn't till a little while ago, that my wife and I admitted to each other that we had masturbated. It was too 'taboo' of a subject until we opened our eyes.

[_Sethbag]

I guess I wasn't as good of a Mormon as some of you. I never told the bishop that I masturbated. I was simply too embarrassed. I would have rather faced my penalty in the next life, than face the humiliation in this life.

I was embarassed alright. But I wanted to be Good in the eyes of the Lord, not wicked second only to a murderer. The very first time I confessed was like two days before a stake youth temple trip down to Washington, DC. I'd already lied in the interview leading up to this, and the guilt was killing me. I actually got my mom to drive me to the Bishop's house so that I could talk to him (the ward where I grew up encompassed something like ten towns, so walking or riding my bike to his house was out of the question). I wouldn't tell her what for, but that I needed to talk to him. I bet she figured it out though. I cried in shame as I told the bishop that I'd lied, and that I'd masturbated. I apparently showed enough contrition because he let me go on the temple trip. Now it just pisses me off to think about the various bishops I confessed to over the years, since I never really managed to completely stop. It pisses me off that the church played such a mind game with us all about it.

In fact, it wasn't till a little while ago, that my wife and I admitted to each other that we had masturbated. It was too 'taboo' of a subject until we opened our eyes.

Admit it, when your wife admitted it to you, you probably thought it was pretty hot, didn't you?

[_Who Knows]

In fact, it wasn't till a little while ago, that my wife and I admitted to each other that we had masturbated. It was too 'taboo' of a subject until we opened our eyes.

Admit it, when your wife admitted it to you, you probably thought it was pretty hot, didn't you?

Lol.

A little while ago, I had to go out of the country on a business trip for a couple of weeks. So I bought 2 webcams, so that we could communicate while I was gone, I could see the kids, the kids could see me, etc. Well, you get the picture. I don't need to go any further...

[_moksha]

My advice? Relax and ask yourself why God would really care if you gave yourself pleasure. I think people have been blaspheming God, by making him out to be a harsh meddler in natural human behavior. Isn't it more likely for a supreme being to be loving and beneficent when we meet our final end? He made us sexual and so He wants us to be sexual.

Of course you realize Moksha that this advice is more for grown adults who still find torment in reconciling the past teachings with the world of reality? What you say to kids needs to be tempered with a bit more restraint in the being sexual department. Kids have a terrible way of misconstruing many things said to them and in the end, they do what they want to do anyway.

[_Some Schmo]

My goal is not really to debate what I say but I will respond.

First, I think a kid ought to be reading, watching good movies, studying, getting plenty of sleep, doing sports, hanging with friends. If the are masturbating to the point where it gets in the way of say sleep or studies well that is what I mean.

As for porn, I think when one MBs to porn it can develop a compulsive habit as well as potentially set them up for unhealthy views of women or men and human sexuality, especially if they are young when they use the porn. But that is really a topic for another thread.

I don't want to debate about it either. I was just curious what you were thinking.

But man, just how much do you have to masturbate for it to get in the way of other things?

As for porn, I'm not sure an unhealthy view of human sexuality would come from it; I think it's totally overrated in that regard. I suppose it could affect someone that way, but doubt it's very common. I imagine people with unhealthy views of sexuality start out that way long before they ever see any porn.

I've heard stuff like "porn can lead to rape." It's so stupid, I can't even fathom the logic that goes into it. That's right up there with "masturbation can lead to homosexuality" or "sky diving can lead to drowning."

[_huckelberry]

Sethbag, your honesty is stronger than the LDS church seems to invite. Im sure LDS respect honesty but some things ware it down. I have long suspected that the absurdly exaggurated attitudes LDS speak contains about masturbation wares away at honesty.

I asked myself what I would say but it has worked out I do not have a son. I can try to devise a polished summary. Mastubation is an instintcual thing that nature provides to help push human children over the barriers between the carefree world of childhood to the place we take on adult responsibilities. There is some frustrations in the transition.

Then I think perhaps if I was speaking with adults I trusted I might explore conflicts and ambiguities in the subject that I do not know all the answer for but are important. But then perhaps that is just what teenagers could hear.

I do not think any young person should be tormented thinking they are evil warped or strange due to masturbation.
At the same time I do not think the subjects of self control seeking the right time, respect for the opposite sex should be things not to be discussed. But there might not be much reason to tie them together in a discussion of a private subject.

As I write this out I become more convinced that subjects of how to relate to the opposite sex, how to persue long term goals and such considerations could best be discussed without direct connection to the subject of masturbation. Young people can see connections themselves.

[_barrelomonkeys]

As I write this out I become more convinced that subjects of how to relate to the opposite sex, how to persue long term goals and such considerations could best be discussed without direct connection to the subject of masturbation. Young people can see connections themselves.

I'm a middle aged (young 30's) woman and don't see the connection between masturbation and long term goals?

This could very well explain all of my problems.

Eagerly awaiting an answer.