The anger of exmos...

[_why me]

I can only give you my opinion. If I lost absolute faith in the LDS church, I would be the happiest person alive. And why not. The loss of belief would free me from a religious tradition. And it would also give me opportunities to discover other truths.

I would have no cause for anger or bitterness. I would celebrate my new found freedom. I suppose that this is what I just don't understand about bitter exmos. Why not celebrate that you no longer believe. Must you mock like they do on the postmorgue? Or on RFM? Where is the celebration and the happiness. My gosh, I would celebrate.

When I was 19, I lost my faith in god. I did not get angry at god. I was sad however because I wanted to believe. But I did not get angry. How could I get angry at god for loss of belief in him? It wouldn't make sense.

I just don't understand the anger and bitterness of the exmos. The loss of testimony should bring happiness and not pain. Or it should bring sadness but bitterness? No.

[_karl61]

I think some of the anger would go away if the Church gave back the tithing with a little interest.

[_truth dancer]

Hi Why Me...

It is nice you are asking and trying to understand.

Let me suggest a couple of reasons why I believe there is often anger associated with non-belief.

First, some may feel deep regret. Regret that they have spent a lifetime giving their time, money, and energy to an organization that was less that decent (in their minds).

Some may face very difficult situations with family and friends, and even community.

There may be those who feel lied to, deceived, and manipulated by the church.

There may be those who, while they want to leave the church behind are nevertheless "bound" to at least have the church in their lives, due to family members who are active and faithful.

There may also be some anger directed inward at feeling stupid, vulnerable, or weak as they "let" themselves follow a course that (in their mind), is foolish or nonsensical.

Each situation is so different and perhaps for you there would be nothing but feelings of freedom and celebration. But for others, these feelings are accompanied by other less positive emotions and circumstances.

Hope that helps a bit... :-)

~dancer~

[_Trevor]

I can only give you my opinion. If I lost absolute faith in the LDS church, I would be the happiest person alive. And why not. The loss of belief would free me from a religious tradition. And it would also give me opportunities to discover other truths...

Essentially, you don't know what it is like to be someone who you are not. Big surprise. Welcome to the human race. But, you *can try* to understand that others have legitimate feelings and opinions based on their experiences that will differ from yours. To go around asking why someone should feel, think, or act differently from you is almost endearing in its naïveté.

[_Infymus]

I can only give you my opinion. If I lost absolute faith in the LDS church, I would be the happiest person alive. And why not. The loss of belief would free me from a religious tradition. And it would also give me opportunities to discover other truths.

No, you'd be told you need milk before meat. You'd be asked if there was some kind of sin in your life causing you to loose faith. You'd be asked if you were paying a proper tithe. You'd be asked if you were masturbating, looking at porn, fornicating or and adulterer (if you were married). You'd be told to pay, pray and obey to regain your faith. You would be told that wickedness never was happiness. You wouldn't have an ounce of happiness as you'd be placed under the thumbnail of guilt - heaped upon guilt. You'd be told that Satan was working harder than ever on you. You'd be poked, prodded, evaluated so they could try and discern why you just won't comprehend the truth.

Why Me, you can't even begin to comprehend why anger is a stage that Ex-Mormons go through. Not all of us are angry. Also, perception comes to play. Most Mormons I know think I'm angry just because I'm flippant, tactless and don't give a rats ass about keeping anything they believe in "Sacred". That translates to them as kicking pricks (thanks again Harmony for reminding me), anger, etc, etc.

Anger is a phase, generally following hurt, anguish and pain. It is a natural progression in human emotion. Anger helps to get us back on track otherwise we sink into depression. Anger helps us re-focus and heal the wounds caused by so many years of lies and carefully constructed manipulations - of which you cannot or will not see.

Anger is important and proper as long as it is handled properly.

[_Yong Xi]

I can only give you my opinion. If I lost absolute faith in the LDS church, I would be the happiest person alive.

If you believe this, perhaps you should try it.


Can I put this in my sig line?

[_beastie]

whyme -

You suffer from a remarkable lack of imagination.

Yeah, I know, according to internet Mormons, exmormons ought to be able to change world-views as easily as throwing away an old pair of shoes.

Now, now, why would you possibly be angry and bitter? Sure, ok, you spent thousands of dollars and thousands of hours on the "one true church", only to find out that the one true church was just one more of many man-made institutions, that had no more right to your time and money than any other. Sure, you may have struggled with feelings of inadequacy and guilt in the face of the overwhelming demands of the church. Sure, you may have chosen your spouse largely based on a shared faith, and discovered later you had little else in common. Sure, you may have been shocked and dismayed when you discovered the "other side" of church history, and wondered why you spent decades in the church and heard nothing of these things beforehand. Sure, you listen to church leaders brand you as either evil, lazy, or sinful to your family members. Sure, your family members may now view you with suspicion, anger, or fear.

None of that justifies anger. If you feel angry and/or bitter about it, well, that's one more piece of evidence that something is wrong with you.

[_karl61]

whyme:

imagine spending the time you spent in the church practicing the piano or guitar and investing that money in real estate.

Imagine the more time and money a person spends the more that person is emotionally and psychologically invested so that person is not likely to fold but carry the hand to the end. But some are smart and have been counting cards and know that you can't have the hand you need and you don't have an ace up your sleeve, so not matter how much you hope and dream you are pretty much screwed.

[_Blixa]

Ditto what beastie and Infymus said.

Plus then there's the matter of principles. I oppose those organizations that destroy women. I oppose racism. I'm not too keen on the evisceration of history and anti-intellectualism either.

And this makes me very happy. Very, very happy.

[_beastie]

Not all of us are angry. Also, perception comes to play.

This is very true.

Back when I had the stomach to deal with MAD, Juliann regularly accused me of being angry and hysterical. It was a very odd situation, because I certainly didn't feel angry or hysterical. I believe she was projecting her own emotional state, which she could not completely accept as her own, onto me.

It is clear that many believers feel personally attacked when their faith is criticized. It is normal to feel anger when one is personally attacked. But many LDS have difficulty accepting their own negative emotions, particularly when they are strong, so I think it's reasonable to conclude that some projection is taking place.