The anger of exmos...

[_Runtu]

I went through an angry stage. It wasn't all that pretty, and I said and did some things that I wish I hadn't. But I'm glad I worked it out. I've never understood the compulsion among some Mormons to deny the validity of other people's feelings.

If I was angry, I must have had some reason, don't you think? As unpleasant as anger can be, it was real, and I had to deal with it. And I suspect that most of us who left have had to deal with it.

I gave everything I had to the church for 40 years: my time, my talents, my energy, but most of all my heart and trust and soul. Of course I was angry to find out that I'd spent all that on a lie. I'd made major life decisions based on a lie. How do you suppose you're supposed to feel? Happy and free? No, that came later.

Wade once told me I had no right to feel loss when I left the church. He told me the church lost me, but I didn't lose the church. No, I just lost everything I centered my life on.

And that's supposed to thrill me beyond belief?

"Anger is an energy" -- John Lydon

[_why me]

Hi Why Me...

It is nice you are asking and trying to understand.

Let me suggest a couple of reasons why I believe there is often anger associated with non-belief.

First, some may feel deep regret. Regret that they have spent a lifetime giving their time, money, and energy to an organization that was less that decent (in their minds).

Some may face very difficult situations with family and friends, and even community.

There may be those who feel lied to, deceived, and manipulated by the church.

There may be those who, while they want to leave the church behind are nevertheless "bound" to at least have the church in their lives, due to family members who are active and faithful.

There may also be some anger directed inward at feeling stupid, vulnerable, or weak as they "let" themselves follow a course that (in their mind), is foolish or nonsensical.

Each situation is so different and perhaps for you there would be nothing but feelings of freedom and celebration. But for others, these feelings are accompanied by other less positive emotions and circumstances.

Hope that helps a bit... :-)

~dancer~

I like the part when Korihor says: I do not deny the existence of a god, but I do not believe that there is a god.

I think that there is much wisdom in that sentence. I look at it the same way when it comes to the LDS church. An exmo should say: I do not deny that the LDS church may be true, but I do not believe that it is true.
Within that sentence there is some wisdom too. I think that anger is an ill found feeling. I see no reason for anger. Now I would find anger if the church was absolutely proven false. But I would not be angry with the leaders unless they knew. I could be angry at Joseph Smith for a time for lying and conning his way into people's lives.

But at this moment I see no reason for angry feelings. Beliefs change as we get older. Old beliefs may not work as we progress through life. We also become wiser and more mature in our own ideas as age increases. And if this leads us out of faith or out of the LDS church, well, that is just life's movement.

The happiness that I refer to is the happiness in not believing. That initself should be liberating. Likewise, for someone who believes. That should cause happiness also. The worst case is when a person is not sure what to believe. This does not cause anger but a host of other emotions.

If one stops believing in the LDS church...celebrate your freedom to explore different ideas. And if one is happy in the LDS church, celebrate by exploring life as a religious person and the new ideas that this faith can bring.

Either way, there should be a celebration.

[_why me]

whyme -

You suffer from a remarkable lack of imagination.

Yeah, I know, according to internet Mormons, exmormons ought to be able to change world-views as easily as throwing away an old pair of shoes.

Now, now, why would you possibly be angry and bitter? Sure, ok, you spent thousands of dollars and thousands of hours on the "one true church", only to find out that the one true church was just one more of many man-made institutions, that had no more right to your time and money than any other. Sure, you may have struggled with feelings of inadequacy and guilt in the face of the overwhelming demands of the church. Sure, you may have chosen your spouse largely based on a shared faith, and discovered later you had little else in common. Sure, you may have been shocked and dismayed when you discovered the "other side" of church history, and wondered why you spent decades in the church and heard nothing of these things beforehand. Sure, you listen to church leaders brand you as either evil, lazy, or sinful to your family members. Sure, your family members may now view you with suspicion, anger, or fear.

None of that justifies anger. If you feel angry and/or bitter about it, well, that's one more piece of evidence that something is wrong with you.

You see, beastie, when one is a member of the LDS church, one is surronded by people and a lifestyle. It is not a bad lifestyle. There are callings, responsibilities, friends, family and a community of people. Likewise the LDS lífestyle is not a bad lifestyle. I think that one should think of their experience in the LDS church with positive eyes unless there was sexual abuse going on or any other thing along that line.

The years spent in the LDS church are not always wasted. They can also be very productive years in learning life skills: speaking in front of people, organizational skills etc. And if one lives according to the gospel, clean living. Not bad, right?

Where would I be without the LDS church in the 1970's? Well, being a student in NYC and the life that New York could have given me, perhaps I would be dead with AIDS. Not that I am a homosexual, but certainly sex was there for the asking or for the money. It was all around me. Plus, perhaps I could have taken up drinking and now be an alcoholic. Who knows. I have no regrets about that time. I met a lot of great LDS people, young people who were active when I was somewhat inactive and who are now more inactive than me. Such is how life turns.

But I have no regrets.

[_Zoidberg]

I like the part when Korihor says: I do not deny the existence of a god, but I do not believe that there is a god.

I think that there is much wisdom in that sentence. I look at it the same way when it comes to the LDS church. An exmo should say: I do not deny that the LDS church may be true, but I do not believe that it is true.

Should they adopt Korihor's thinking? I'm sure you think so; there must be profound satisfaction in thinking that they, like him, will end up deaf and mute beggars who die the same lousy death.

[_Belial]

I like the part when Korihor says: I do not deny the existence of a god, but I do not believe that there is a god.

I think that there is much wisdom in that sentence. I look at it the same way when it comes to the LDS church. An exmo should say: I do not deny that the LDS church may be true, but I do not believe that it is true.

Should they adopt Korihor's thinking? I'm sure you think so; there must be profound satisfaction in thinking that they, like him, will end up deaf and mute beggars who die the same lousy death.

We approached God with that plan. He turned us down.

[_Some Schmo]

Anger, like happiness, is one of several temporary states of mind a person goes through in any given day or week. Emotions aren't permanent.

What the hell is it supposed to mean when you ask, "Are you really happy?" or when you say, "You're a very angry person" to someone?

The fact is, when I get to thinking about some of the crap I was taught growing up, and how a part of my family still goes to this ridiculous church with its ridiculous teachings, guess what: it sometimes makes me angry. Other times, like when I'm coming home from lunch on a Sunday and I see a church with the parking lot packed with cars and mine's not one of them, it makes me very happy.

Is this really so hard to imagine?

[_truth dancer]

Hi Why Me...

I like the part when Korihor says: I do not deny the existence of a god, but I do not believe that there is a god.

This pretty much sums up my belief (with the exception that I believe God is just a name for the Source/Mystery/unknown). The LDS church could be right, right along with any other of the thousands of belief systems humans have come up with over the last ten thousand years.

It doesn't seem like it to me but who knows?

I have decided it is better to follow my own truth than to try to make myself believe what seems unholy, incorrect, and even cruel.

I think that anger is an ill found feeling.

I think anger is a very natural and often appropriate emotion....

I see no reason for anger.

I think there are indeed reasons for our emotions...

Now I would find anger if the church was absolutely proven false.

Well, for many this is the case.

But I would not be angry with the leaders unless they knew.

My guess is that many former believers do feel the leaders know of the problems and untruths being taught. (See MAD).

I could be angry at Joseph Smith for a time for lying and conning his way into people's lives.

And I'm sure there are those who feel angry toward Joseph Smith.

But at this moment I see no reason for angry feelings.

Well not for you but certainly you can understand why others may feel angry. I would suggest anger is a common emotion in those who believe they were lied to, deceived, manipulated, or who have given significant amounts of time and energy to an organization that is deceptive and unholy.

The happiness that I refer to is the happiness in not believing. That initself should be liberating. Likewise, for someone who believes. That should cause happiness also. The worst case is when a person is not sure what to believe. This does not cause anger but a host of other emotions.

For many, discovering that the LDS church and all its teachings are not true, does indeed leave them unclear and unsure of what to believe, or what is real. It can be a very difficult time for sure! And, yes, it does indeed cause anger in some people... do you not see how a person can be angry at feeling lied to for decades? For trusting the deceptive? For deep regret?

If one stops believing in the LDS church...celebrate your freedom to explore different ideas.

For some, their lack of belief means their marriage is over, or they lose their job, or their family looks upon them as a follower of Satan. It may not be quiet as easy to celebrate as you suggest.

Either way, there should be a celebration.

I find it odd that you cannot seem to understand why letting go of belief in the LDS church does not create some feelings of anger in some people.

Again, maybe not for you but can't you at least minimally see that loss of belief is not as easy for some as it would be for you?

Just reading the stories of former members alone should at least let you know that indeed there are those for whom non-belief is a very difficult part of life's journey.

~dancer~

[_beastie]

why me,

Clearly the LDS life suited you. If so, you have no cause for regret.

Perhaps you have enough imagination to realize that is not always the case.

Just for one example - can you understand that someone who has financially struggled their entire lives might be tad resentful - and yes, angry - over having paid thousands of dollars of tithing he/she could ill afford?

Another example - can you imagine growing up gay in the LDS church? The psychological stress must be enormous.

And how about growing up female in a male-centered church? In a church that strongly encouraged females to think mainly about marrying and motherhood? Not all females are suited for that lifestyle.

The list goes on and on. I really do believe you have enough imagination to understand why exmormons are sometimes angry. I don't think the problem is lack of understanding. I think the problem is you judge they have no right to be angry.

That is, of course, the typical TBM attitude.

[_Scottie]

I know that apologetics 101 says that if a member doesn't know the history of church, warts and all, that it is 100% the fault of the individual, never the fault of the church.

However, I've seen many, MANY people say exactly this. They are angry because they believe that the truth has been hid from them.

Someday the brethren are going to have to realize that the information is too readily available in today's age and that teaching abstinence from "anti" material is only going to prolong the inevitable.

[_Polygamy Porter]

I can only give you my opinion. If I lost absolute faith in the LDS church, I would be the happiest person alive. And why not. The loss of belief would free me from a religious tradition. And it would also give me opportunities to discover other truths.

I am the happiest persons alive, along with my wife, kids, and my brothers and their families.
However, I love to come here to poke fun at the mindless fools, scaredy cats, and hypocrites like yourself. If I sound angry its is because I am have soo f___ing much fun doing it.

When I was 19, I lost my faith in god. I did not get angry at god. I was sad however because I wanted to believe. But I did not get angry. How could I get angry at god for loss of belief in him? It wouldn't make sense.

Oh and that was what 30 years ago? Lemme guess what happened next...

You joined the Mormons during your darkest days, only to shortly later go inactive. Years later you pop up on the internet and defend it as if were a true believer.

Yawn.

Until you return to 100% activity, full tithe paying and a regular attendee of green and white masonic PJ parties, you are nothing more to me than a hypocrite.