Top Ten Items in the First Presidency Vault

[_Runtu]

10. Boyd K. Packer's sense of humor
9. Joseph Smith's revisions to the Song of Solomon. Apparently, the Brethren don't take too kindly to such graphic stuff.
8. The missing scroll from which the Book of Abraham was translated. Egyptologists have translated a portion, which reads, "Joseph [heart] Fanny."
7. The original, illustrated version of the 1982 First Presidency letter forbidding oral sex.
6. A rejected prop from Vaughn Featherstone's 1978 General Priesthood talk on masturbation and pornography. Apparently, this is an actual scroll bearing the names of all known masturbators and pornography viewers in the church at that time. It would have been rolled down from the ceiling of the tabernacle, but the logistics were too hard to work out.
5. The first draft of the Word of Wisdom, which prohibited Yoo-Hoo and green jello.
4. A revelation given to Emma Smith wherein the Lord instructs Joseph to keep his pants buttoned, or else.
3. The secret recipe for Y Sparkle.
2. Ezra Taft Benson's proposed final conference address, wherein he associated the International Communist Conspiracy with Living Scriptures, Inc., the Florida Orange Juice Growers' Association, and the New England Confectionary Company (makers of Necco).
1. A letter in Joseph Smith's handwriting dated June 26, 1844, reading, "OK, I admit it. I made it all up. Can I go home now?"

[_Doctor Steuss]

11. An apocryphal document showing that Satan is in Michael’s Xbox Live buddy list.

PS.
#10 is brilliant.

[_karl61]

12: one of the famous tennis rackets from BYU.

[_Ray A]

13. An SCMC report on Runtu's Internet activity. :)

[_KimberlyAnn]

Love the list, Runtu!

KA

[_harmony]

13. An SCMC report on Runtu's Internet activity. :)

14. A SCMC report on DCP's other life.

[_Mercury]

13. An SCMC report on Runtu's Internet activity. :)

14. A SCMC report on DCP's other life.

This must include the charter for The Order of the Sacred Tapir.

[_CaliforniaKid]

15. A 19th-century copy of Metallurgy for Dummies.
16. The Manuscript Found.
17. A punchbowl, some cyanide, and a set of last-minute contingency plans in Joseph Smith's handwriting.
18. A letter to Ethan Smith thanking him for the book.
19. Gustavus Seyffarth's translation of the missing section of the Book of Breathings.
20. Hugh W. Nibley's magnum opus, Dodging the Issues: A Handook for Mormon Apologists.
21. Margaret Barker's letter thanking the church for opening a sizeable mutual fund in her name.
22. The manuscript for Brigham Young's book, "If I Did it".
23. The Book of Joseph, relating his celestial journey to evangelize the Moon Quakers.
24. Captain Kidd's treasure.
25. The hat, with fake bottom.

[_Sethbag]

ROFL! Brilliant list, Runtu, and brilliant additions all, especially CaliforniaKid's!

[_CaliforniaKid]

5. The first draft of the Word of Wisdom, which prohibited Yoo-Hoo and green jello.

I especially like this one.