Runtu's OP was two questions
1. How did you feel when you figured out that the church isn't what it claims to be?
2. How do you feel now towards the church?
1. I always thought "the church" was problematic; it never seemed to be what it claimed. So there was no element of shock, disappointment or even surprise for me. I guess there has been some surprise recently, however, because I've come to believe that the church is now worse than it used to be and thus i have surprisingly nostalgic feelings about how it once was! Hard to believe that things as once mundane as Relief Society Baazars seem like homely virtues compared to the Follow the Prophet mania of today. Worse yet, "I don't know if we teach that." I swear I'm still pissed about reneging on "as god is man will become"---I never believed it, but come on! That's the center of LDS belief! Something distinct and potentially beautiful and YOU DON"T KNOW IF IT WAS EVER TAUGHT? ITS JUST A COUPLET? Yes. That pisses me off.
2. Good question. I still think its a sexist and racist oppressive institution that the world would be better off without. But, I have changed my attitude toward members considerably. At one time I held all RM's beneath contempt. I've come to regret my former ignorance about the horribly stressful and injurious situations the church places its young men (and now more commonly, women) in. I was never rude to missionaries, I've always been pleasant but firm, but formerly I pretty much would have assumed that there was no basis for any kind of friendship there and so written them off as potential comrades. I also have a much more complete understanding of the situation of believing Mormons in general and again much greater sympathy. My historical studies in fact have revealed a veritable tradition of abuse of members by church leaders, something which makes my relation to the church and its history more complex.
Then Steuss asked about relations with family members who are still Mormon:
There are some distant branches of my Dad's family that are probably pretty Mormon, less so on my Mom's side. In my immediate family, my parents are pretty neutral unbelievers with my oldest brother and I much more critical unbeleivers. My youngest brother though is attending chuch again, now more than he did as a kid. When he got married I don't think his wife was very TBM, she has apparently become more so and thus, so has he. I don't really know the ins and outs of thier relationship to the church: how much of it is cultural and how much is grounded in devout and active belief. They raise their kids in the church, they go to all the meetings and I think hold callings, but, there is not the overwhelming judgementalism that I associate with "real" TBMs: my sister in law seems fine with me, I like her alot (I've just gotten to know her a bit recently because I was back in Utah), I like thier kids, they both seem to be great parents, I know for a fact they blew off sacrament meeting a few weeks ago to take a fall foliage drive in the canyons.
So, who knows? I like 'em and want to see more of 'em and get to know them better. Maybe conflicting religious ideas will become a sore spot, maybe not. My money's on the latter. I'd actually like to talk to both of them about Mormonism some time, but I would never bring it up til we knew each other better and only if I thought they were comfortable with such a discussion.
And finally:
I too found Infymus differnt in person than I had expected. In fact I'm really sorry I didn't get to spend time with him while I was in Utah. I should have pm'd him to tell him why I couldn't take him up on his generous offer of a place to escape my parents (too much personal stuff going down!), but I do plan on trying to get together with him when I get back to Utah---maybe in a month, maybe again in the summer, and when I move back to Utah (something I'm working on). I think we have alot to talk about and I'm really looking forward to knowing him better....