Best Fast and Testimony stories?

_Ray A · Post by **_Ray A** » Thu Nov 15, 2007 8:00 pm

I bear my testimony that this isn't a true thread.

Post by **_The Nehor** » Thu Nov 15, 2007 9:50 pm

The Lady who started singing "Nearer my God to thee" in the middle of her testimony....in a bad voice.

The guy in the Singles ward who offered a general proposal to every sister saying the first one to accept he'd marry. He's still single.

The Fast and Testimony meeting at a YSA conference where the participants were asked to also give their reasons for coming. One sister stood up and after bearing testimony said that she was there to find a husband. A man in the audience loudly declared, "You've found him," and cleared the seat next to him. She returned to a different seat. They now have 3 kids.

My all-time favorite was the lady who stood up and started where she left off last month with the story of her life. She had a VERY boring life. She took 20-25 minutes every time. There was an audible groan every time she stood up. One Sunday she stood up and a little girl on the front row stood up on the pew as she got to the microphone extended both arms out with both thumbs down and cried out in a loud drawn-out voice, "BOOOOOORING!!!" The woman flushed red and gave a 30 second testimony about the Savior. After that her testimony was much more heartfelt and never went over 2 minutes. "From the mouths of babes....."

Post by **_Scottie** » Thu Nov 15, 2007 10:39 pm

My roommate, who was a pot-head convert, went to F&T meeting and bore his testimony. This was in a BYU ward, and nobody else went up after him. It was quiet for about 5 minutes, when he jumped up from his seat and screamed that we were all hyprocrits, then stomped out. The testimonies flowed freely the rest of the day.

This is the same roommate that went to church in a dress once, just because nobody was going to make him conform.

I think that he had met God on several occasions.....he was burning some good s***!!

Post by **_Zoidberg** » Thu Nov 15, 2007 10:42 pm

When my husband was on a mission, he heard a guy bear his testimony of the power of the Priesthood. He used it to raise his cat from the dead. After it had been dead for 3 days, if memory serves.

Post by **_SatanWasSetUp** » Thu Nov 15, 2007 11:58 pm

Tithing ones are the best because it is usually some really poor person who didn't have enough money to pay their bills, but they faithfully paid their tithing first. What a great lesson. Screw your creditors.

The most awkward F&T meetings were in my singles ward. The bishopric would announce we can now bear our testimonies and nobody would get up for about the first 20 minutes. I'm not exaggerating, it was very awkward and nobody from the bishopric would do anything about it, they'd just sit there and wait. Someone would eventually go up, but it was very awkward. We got a new bishop and after he experienced his first testimony meeting he enacted a new policy where he began testimony meeting by calling on people to come up and bear their testimony. He wouldn't warn you in advance either. It pissed a lot of people off.

Post by **_Mercury** » Fri Nov 16, 2007 2:07 am

I remember vividly in the north las vegas stake at the Walnut and Carey chapel when I was 8 a particular testimony meeting. This would have been around 87-88. It might have been a normal Sacrament meeting. I remember an older sister standing up and proclaiming how wonderful it was that she was a Mormon and not like "those Christians". The talk/rant went on for a good 3 minutes on this specific subject.

Post by **_Blixa** » Fri Nov 16, 2007 1:31 pm

I only went to a handful of F & T meetings and while I thought they were amusing at the time, I can report no standout freak outs. It was mostly people getting publically weepy about nothing, or revealing a tad too much and getting weepy about that. Weeping was de rigeur in my ward, apparently. The only thing I do remember specifically is that there was one guy, an immigrant with a generic immigrant accent from central casting, who would hog the mike relating his life story over and over. I always had a hunch he was using this to "buy" some kind of priesthood credit and work his way up in the ward hierarchy. He later became one of the Bishop's counselors so I guess it worked for him pretty well. Third in command was the best he'd ever do too, no immigrant or non-dentist/lawyer would even be Bishop in our ward!

Post by **_Runtu** » Fri Nov 16, 2007 4:48 pm

I've shared the infamous "scissors" episode with a few people. This 90-year-old man from Mississippi got up in our F&T meeting in Orem and said:

"Back when I was a boy, there was a crazy girl in our town who went around saying 'Scissors!' all the time. One day some of the boys told her if she didn't stop saying 'Scissors!' they were going to throw her in the river. She said, 'Scissors!' So, the boys grabbed her, carried her down to the river, and threw her in.

"She went under once, and when she came up, she yelled, 'Scissors!'

"The second time she went under and came up and yelled, 'Scissors!'

"The third time she went under, and this time, her hand came out of the water and did this [at this point he raised his hand and made a scissors-like motion with two fingers].

"In the name of Jesus Christ, Amen."

Post by **_karl61** » Fri Nov 16, 2007 4:52 pm

testimony meetings could be so great if people got up and told the truth about information that is coming out about the church and how they struggle. they could say I hope, feel and pray that this church is true but I have my doubts. Little kids would then get up and say I ho, ray and eel church true, en Jesus chri amen.

Post by **_Scottie** » Fri Nov 16, 2007 5:09 pm

Runtu wrote:I've shared the infamous "scissors" episode with a few people. This 90-year-old man from Mississippi got up in our F&T meeting in Orem and said:

"Back when I was a boy, there was a crazy girl in our town who went around saying 'Scissors!' all the time. One day some of the boys told her if she didn't stop saying 'Scissors!' they were going to throw her in the river. She said, 'Scissors!' So, the boys grabbed her, carried her down to the river, and threw her in.

"She went under once, and when she came up, she yelled, 'Scissors!'

"The second time she went under and came up and yelled, 'Scissors!'

"The third time she went under, and this time, her hand came out of the water and did this [at this point he raised his hand and made a scissors-like motion with two fingers].

"In the name of Jesus Christ, Amen."

OMG!!! TOO funny! And then what?? Did she drown???

She sounds like the inspiration for Timmy from South Park.