Thinking it's time to resign

[_LifeOnaPlate]

I actually appreciated he people who would just get their names removed rather than continually get mad about missionaries coming around. Believe it or not, the missionaries don't spend a lot of time in meetings with local leaders discussing "who not to visit" because a lot of times people just don't really know. On my mission I tried to make an effort to help people remove their names if they had been continually annoyed by missionaries and wanted no contact. Makes things easier for everyone. No need to waste each others' time.

Well, part of the problem is that they don't listen. I had told the missionaries on several occasions that we'd never be coming back to church, that it wasn't for us, please stop coming by, etc. How difficult would it have been to just but a "do not visit" note by our names and deliver that to the bishop?

Quite frankly, I don't think it's hard at all. It felt like they just wanted an excuse to keep bugging us.

Actually, it's more likely, speaking only from my own experience, I realize, that the missionaries left your porch and didn't take the time to inform anyone. And if they did take the time, they were likely told "yeah that guy is a jerk" or "that guy doesn't want anything to do with the Church." Again, this is why, when I encountered antagonistic people, I would attempt to explain the name-removal process, with which I would volunteer to assist them. Much more often than not they would just slam the door. I'd put a note in the area book saying "do not visit this member," but you can't control everyone, missionaries will likely still stop by sometime.

[_Jason Bourne]

For some reason, Bob's dossier on me has had me thinking about a lot of things all weekend. One of them is the idea that I have one foot in and one foot out of the church. Maybe it is time to get out, once and for all. What has kept me in has been the very real threat of divorce. We've been as far as my having all my belongings packed in the car, but we didn't go through with it. Who knows what will happen? But I'm tired of walking this particular line. Maybe it's time.

Only you can decide. I hope you don't but blessings to you in whatever you choose.

[_BishopRic]

Runtu,

if you care to share, how long has your wife known of your new view on church/doctrine?

About 2 1/2 years. She told me that my resigning would be a "deal breaker."

Wow, heart wrenching thread, Runtu. We all have a story, and no one person's situation is exactly like yours, but I will share a snippet of mine (and of course give my 2 3/4 cents).

My situation was similar. I was set that I didn't want a divorce, and for a few years did the "CUB" gig for the family. It ate me up inside. I hated how I felt hearing so many things at church I didn't believe, and the covert lies and smiles I gave knowing it wasn't how I really felt.

We did years of marriage counseling. At our last session our therapist asked what was the most important thing we expected from the other. Hers were ALL church related. He told us we should divorce...that the internal conflict we both had was worse for the kids than the challenges of "coming from a broken home" they would have to deal with.

He was absolutely right. All four of our kids are happy we divorced (2 still active, 2 not). Seven years later they say that they felt the conflict daily -- and we never yelled at each other, they just knew. They can sense we are both happier living our truth. We both have new partners, and all our kids like their new step-parents very much.

In no way am I saying this is what you should do. It's just my experience, and looking back, I am so glad I took the risk and did what I needed to to live my truth. The dual life thing was soooooo stressful for me. I know many spuses are able to accept the other as they are, but I do think it is difficult in Mormonism, if they are "iron-rod" staunch.

Good luck...my thoughts are with you!

[_Some Schmo]

Actually, it's more likely, speaking only from my own experience, I realize, that the missionaries left your porch and didn't take the time to inform anyone. And if they did take the time, they were likely told "yeah that guy is a jerk" or "that guy doesn't want anything to do with the Church." Again, this is why, when I encountered antagonistic people, I would attempt to explain the name-removal process, with which I would volunteer to assist them. Much more often than not they would just slam the door. I'd put a note in the area book saying "do not visit this member," but you can't control everyone, missionaries will likely still stop by sometime.

Well, you know, this kind of shoddy follow-up is exactly the kind of crap that makes people hate the church so much. If they are really in the business of trying to attract members, doesn't it make sense that they'd do their best to make positive experiences with church representation? It's one thing to make people indifferent toward the church. It's quite another to actively piss people off.

But then again, I've never really considered the church to be in great supply of common sense.

[_Maxrep]

I've decided not to resign while my parents are living. I don't feel that this means I'm playing both sides.

On the surface, that sounds so utterly ridiculous. From the the view within the family and cultural ties of Mormonism, its more than understandable. I believe my wife is waiting for a death in the family before she cuts loose a bit more.....hmmm... maybe its my early demise she's hoping for....Ha ha!

I completely understand!

[_BishopRic]

="BishopRic
At our last session our therapist asked what was the most important thing we expected from the other. Hers were ALL church related.

(can I quote myself? Lol!)

Another thought -- and that's ALL it is -- I have to wonder how true a person's "love" is when they need you to belong to a particular church.

[_MishMagnet]

="BishopRic
At our last session our therapist asked what was the most important thing we expected from the other. Hers were ALL church related.

(can I quote myself? Lol!)

Another thought -- and that's ALL it is -- I have to wonder how true a person's "love" is when they need you to belong to a particular church.

Well, isn't that how much love God has for us too?

[_BishopRic]

="BishopRic
At our last session our therapist asked what was the most important thing we expected from the other. Hers were ALL church related.

(can I quote myself? Lol!)

Another thought -- and that's ALL it is -- I have to wonder how true a person's "love" is when they need you to belong to a particular church.

Well, isn't that how much love God has for us too?

Touche! I do remember talking to a TBM recently and asking if God's love is unconditional. He said, "it's unconditional as long as you obey his commandments."

Hmmm. Talk about cog-dis!

[_Some Schmo]

I do remember talking to a TBM recently and asking if God's love is unconditional. He said, "it's unconditional as long as you obey his commandments."

Hmmm. Talk about cog-dis!

LMAO

It's unconditional as long as you meet certain conditions.

That's some freaking funny sh*t right there.

[Aristotle Smith]

Runtu,

if you care to share, how long has your wife known of your new view on church/doctrine?

About 2 1/2 years. She told me that my resigning would be a "deal breaker."

My wife and I moved out of the ward/stake that her parents and siblings attended several years ago. I believe this inadvertently eased some of the familial pressure for several reasons. We also don't reside in Utah, which may put less pressure on us, with regards to church activity and how a family can participate in the local community, school functions, soccer, etc, not all being so closely tied to church folk.

I can imagine that if community and family ties in Utah are quite entrenched, it could make it more difficult for a spouse to unwind. On the bright side, the internet and public exposure(think of all the recent documentary pieces on tv) to Mormonism surely is casting a shadow on Mormonism. Time will only continue to be kinder to your position. Of course, that's not much of a concession for today.