It's a tough spot to be in, Runtu. All I can do is offer you a laugh. Hopefully you can't relate at all ;)
Testimony Equals Sex in Orem Marriage
By Paul Browning
OREM, UT Local couple Nathan and Brittney McAllister have found an unlikely factor in their marital intimacy: Nathan's testimony. After nine years of happy marriage, it was discovered that the church was playing a larger role in their lives than anyone previously knew.
Last year, Nathan sat down and had a serious talk with his wife, admitting he didn't think he believed a lot of LDS doctrine to be factual. "Ever since I told my wife I was unsure about the church, she's been pretty cold," said McAllister. The couple had been copulating weekly, on average, with both of them "generally satisfied" with the other's performance. Now, McAllister says the two are intimate "about once a month, and even then the sex has a sick tension."
His wife Brittney said, "It affected me deeply to have the priesthood holder in my home question the church. His study of alternative beliefs and worldly trash is like a personal attack on me."
Nathan's belief in the church of his upbringing began to shake after his mission, when he attended BYU. "I saw a lot of weird teachings there," reports Nathan. "Each teacher had his own doctrine, and when I asked questions that weren't in the manual, the teacher would tell me to pray about it." Nathan's doubts included blacks and the priesthood, Brigham Young's teachings, and "blatantly racist" remarks made by the prophet Ezra Taft Benson. The deeper into the scriptures and conference talks he would go, the more confused he would get. He would even ask old seminary teachers, friends, and coworkers for answers, to no avail. With the arrival of the Internet, Nathan took his search for truth online. Now Nathan feels that many of the basic beliefs he held true for so many years are based on inconsistencies and lies.
"If Nathan would only read the scriptures and pray, the Holy Ghost would answer him," Brittney says. She claims that while he is a good husband and father, he would be a more attractive man if he continued to share her beliefs in Mormonism.
Strangely enough, his disbelief in the church has not prevented him from continuing to be a model member. His home teaching remains at a solid 90 percent, and he has held several callings, including Sunday school teacher. "You can always count on Brother McAllister to be there if we need volunteers," stated his bishop, Lloyd Rivera. "He participates in priesthood class and is a fully active member of our ward."
Nathan says, "I wish my own member were as active. Once, after a fast and testimony meeting, we were in bed, and I started rubbing her shoulder. She said, "Is Joseph Smith a true prophet?" and I didn't have the right answer. She rolled over and made light snoring sounds."
Brittney confirms her loss of interest that night. "I have borne my testimony to him that the church is true and that he will get his crazy bumpin' nasty freak on once he testifies of the same truth." In fact, Brittney has allowed Nathan to briefly see some lingerie she recently purchased. She calls them her "faith-promoters" and says he will see them again when he throws away The Essence of Zen, a book of Buddhist teachings.
Dr. Bruce P. Alexander, a marriage and sex therapist, maintains that testimony and sex are closely related in Mormon marriages. He recommends that men, especially, make sure they have a strong testimony if they want to please their wives. "A study completed last year shows that women who are married to men with strong testimonies report 67 percent more pleasure in bed. The link between spirituality and staying power is surprisingly strong."
Nathan says he doesn't doubt those numbers. He reports that, at times, their intimacy will improve after Nathan attends a priesthood service activity or reads scriptures with his three kids. However, "until Nathan feels he is sufficiently confident to baptize his daughter, their level of sexual activity will continue to drop," claims LDS family therapist R. Gene Duncan. "The trust level is no longer there with Nathan and Brittney."
Nathan has three years until his daughter turns eight. Until then, he says he will continue to serve his wife's church and try to find a resolution to his doubts.
From the Sugar Beet, no longer online.